Growing up in the US I have vivid memories of being brought up in a culture just filled with serious talkers.
At times it just seemed like everyone was trying very hard.. often too hard.. to be their own Marketing or PR agent.
Now of course I know that in our freemarket system of living and doing business it’s often imperative to represent these titles in order to get ahead. But I believe that something important got lost in translation especially when it came to how American Men and Women communicate to each other.
No where does this deficit seem to be so obvious as to when I listen to the general population of American Women talking.
Part of me wants to be just outright cynical and characterize it as just a bunch of blah blah blah..
But this post deserves a better explanation so I will state that the biggest problem I have is with the actual VOLUME (both in word count and decibel level) and the often unpleasant egotistical ATTITIDE that many of these women “try” to “express” themselves with.
Now if you are from the US and you’ve never been to Russia or the FSU it would be easy to think that this style of “womanly” banter is just the natural state of affairs for the female species. However once you arrive here you will begin to notice that the local beauties walking around here have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT way of carrying themselves both appearance and conversation wise.
One of the first things I noticed was how cautious Russian Women were with the way they communicated in general.
Initially I thought this was because of some type of cultural or historical political repression that had been going on in this part of the world for hundreds of years. And to a small degree yes this tradition of public caution still remains.
However.
I later discovered a much most relevant reason as to why this style of soft spoken and mild mannered communication is so prevalent among these Ladies.
Russian Women actually mean what they say and will go to extraordinary lengths to NOT misrepresent themselves.
Or in other words..
The vast majority of Russian Women will NEVER BS you.
In the years I’ve lived here I can safely say the following.
If a Russian Woman says she will do something.. then that is considered a promise that most of you can put money in the bank on.
If a Russian Woman shares with you part of her identity on a professional or personal level then that is EXACTLY who she is.
Let me give you a small example of this.
If you are talking to a stunningly beautiful Russian Woman and you honestly feel that she looks like a model and you tell her this.. then 9 times out of 10 this woman will ADAMENTLY tell you that she is NOT a model no matter how much you try to convince her otherwise.
(Of course the lone exception to this rule is if you really are talking to a Russian Model.)
Now try to compare this response to how an American or Western Woman would respond to the same compliment.
Do you frequently encounter a response that reminds you of an entitlement queen who believes that the modeling agencies of the world are making a huge mistake by not discovering her as the next catwalk star?
Are you starting to get the idea here?
Now in order for me to discover these refreshingly modest characteristics about Russian Women I had to completely change the method I was brought up with on how to really listen to someone.
When I’m in the States I feel like I have to turn the sensitivity dial in my ears way down in order to deal with the frequent level of irritating noise coming in. You could imagine that my noise filter is set to max in this environment in order to deal with the noisy static in the air at any given time.
However in Russia and the FSU it’s just the exact opposite.
When you are enjoying the company of a Real Russian Lady you have to throw away the noise filter I mentioned and replace it with a good amplifier instead. Even with the volume turned up to max you still have to listen VERY carefully to every word that she is saying to you.
By the way.
Don’t be surprised if she is naturally coy or reserved and often defers to you to talk about your life.
Trust me on this guys.. but there’s a very good reason as to why she does this from her perspective.
She ALSO has a audiophile class amplifier, a high gain studio microphone and a high def video camera rolling in her brain and she uses it to analyze everything you do and say.
Or in other words..
The CIA and FBI would be envious of the mental file that this lady could compile on you in very short order.
A Traditional Russian Girl has a very important motive for this.
She’s not out to do your laundry..
She’s simply wants to know if you as a Man are the “Real Deal”.
She is most likely saying to herself..
“I think I’m a good girl and I’ve sacrificed and worked hard to be who I am.. so does this man sitting across the table deserve to have me?”
And Gentlemen this is a very good question for you to honestly answer from her perspective. Because obviously the more “positive responses” you can DEMONSTRATE (and not necessarily speak) for her “secret question” the more of a match she will know you are for her.
Naturally a Russian Women will assume that you will listen to her just as carefully as she listens to you.
So if you want to have any chance of making a favorable impression on her then make sure you at least make an honest attempt to do this.
Turn the sensitivity up on your own microphone and start rolling the high resolution video camera in your eyes too.
Just simply assume that everything she says has some type of deeper meaning.
I’m telling you this because almost everything she says DOES INDEED have a deeper meaning.
It could be something as simple as a one word answer..
Or it could be no verbal answer at all..
Just a look of curiosity or a beautiful smile.
But trust me on this.. whatever her response..
It carries SERIOUS WEIGHT in one form or another.
If you Gentlemen can understand this concept when communicating to a traditional Russian Woman then you will be far ahead of the curve in understanding a big part of who she is.
But most importantly she will let you know in her own special way..
Just how much she appreciates you for it.
January 5, 2008 at 1:49 pm
This is very insightful, and for most men will be a very difficult thing to do.
January 5, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hi robofcananda..
Thanks for the comment.
I’m interested in learning why you think this would be more difficult then any other important learning curve that a Man goes through in his life?
Thanks.. GL
January 5, 2008 at 2:26 pm
It would be more difficult do to many men have these filters up unknowingly. So not only do they need to learn how to turn them off, they must also learn what these filters are. I am not saying that it cant be done, just saying that it would be difficult.
January 5, 2008 at 5:26 pm
This was a good post.
I have a question.
I have been recently working on a listening system called “active listening.” The basic premise of this is that you devote your full attention to someone when they’re speaking to you, making good eye contact, having proper posture, etc. At a normal pause in the person’s speech, you paraphrase what they just said to you. Then you seek agreement and continue listening to further comments that they might have.
I currently use this in selling situations where I’m trying to qualify my clients need for my services. It’s a way of using open-ended questioning to gain insight and deeper understanding of peoples true motivations.
I don’t use this in everyday conversation, obviously it would probably get a little irritating. Just curious as to how you think your average Russian woman would respond to this type of “listening.”
Thanks
Shinobi Todd
January 5, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Hi Shinobi Todd,
I know “active listening” very well and it will give you mixed results and many russian girls will find it strange or funny that you are trying to repeat what they are saying.
Overall it doesn’t hurt but don’t be surprised by the reserved comments you get by them regardless if you are using active listening or not.
Good Luck..
GL
January 6, 2008 at 5:14 pm
To all,
I have found the above oberservations to be very true.
Over the past few weeks the Russian woman who I have come to know is very literal with what she says. For example, early in our relationship she told me that she would accompany me to a event but it turned out that she had to work that night. Instead of making an excuse she said, “I am sorry I know I told you that I would go but I have to work.” She made it clear that she was not choosing her job or ambitions over me but she simlpy had to work and that she was interested in spending more time with me in the future.
She also listens and processes every single thing I say. I have found that she is listening very carefully with the intent that she is trying to find out what she means to me and if, as stated above, I am a worthy companion for her. I like this and it makes me what to be a better man for her.
I have found that she especially listens to and brings up thinkgs that I mentioned about past relationships. Also, I think to find out what my relationship worthiness is.
It is so refreshing that she is interested in a relationship and that she pays attentions to these details.
January 7, 2008 at 6:03 am
Well, it may be the case when you meet her for the first time or on an acquaintance level. Not all RW are like that.
From my experiences with RW, once you establish friendship with her where she feels so comfortable with you and trust you, she would become so talkative and being a excited curious catty girl asking questions and talking and talking where I can get to a point where I’d love to press “quiet” button to quieten her!
January 8, 2008 at 12:26 am
To GL,
BK does have a point there. Do RW talk too much/ask too many questions once they start to trust you?
I would generally think that would be a bad personality trait, there is something to be said for blessed silence.
Your article is great news to me. It shows RW have integrity where that quality is so lacking in AW.
A personality trait that is the most important quality for a woman to have is that ability to trust the man she’s with after getting to know him. That feminine quality called: acquiescence. It’s the biggest problem with AW they never trust you, they are always mistrusting you and guilt tripping you and getting into fights with you about your word over hers and other abhorrent rubbish.
To me this ability for a woman to look up to a man and trust him is the most important learning experience for any woman to get right in her life if she wants to have a happy and successful marriage, don’t you think?
On the subject of talk and tone of voice.
Young and old American women ever since so-called “womens empowerment scheming”
have a ragged, angry, devilish, afraid and growling undertone to their voices like they are a house cat that is being cornered by a dog, just: grrrrrrreow! (you know what I mean?) very harsh and intimidating.
Now when you had Masha do an interview on video she sounds lik a feminine woman, any man worth his salt knows what I’m talking about here. And this reflects my point in your insightful article here.
Thank You GL for another interesting article to discuss and further knowledge about real men and women.
January 8, 2008 at 6:14 am
C,
I don’t think BK’s opinion represents what I see here.
The only time I’ve really seen Russian Ladies get “chatty” is when they are in the company of their girlfriends. Even then it’s cute to watch and hear and it’s very different from their much louder and boisterous counterparts in the West.
In terms of Tonality voices I would say that what you hear with Mascha’s video is the norm. Overall very sweet.. and to be perfectly honest very refreshing.
Have I seen harsh Russian Women who have embittered tones and attitudes just like in the West? Sure I have.. But that is very much in the minority here and completely non-existent in the context of any dating or man-woman relationship I’ve witnessed.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that these women are “weak” because of their traditionally feminine style of expression. They are very strong and put most Western Women to shame in terms of the challenges they deal with on a daily basis yet still be able to function and look the way they do. Yes I believe that RW are much “stronger” in many ways then AW but RW have no need to try to constantly flaunt or brag about it like I’ve seen so much of in the US.
Again that is why I wrote this article.
Less Talk - More Substance.
Also read this previous article I wrote.. It goes into greater detail as to what I’m talking about.
http://russianwomen.wordpress.com/2006/11/26/how-feminism-degrades-a-woman’s-body-and-soul-part-2/
Cheers, GL
January 9, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Very insightful article and I totally agree. I’ve been to Asia and I can tell you that most girls are reserved and act like this. Most of the traditional and unamericanized girls aren’t looking to just use you for your money. I really miss the sense of connection and understanding when I talked to these types of LADIES. Now that I’m in the states, I have to talk about alcohol and gossip. Need to get the hell out ASAP!
January 9, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Exellent article, my friend! good analysis and sound arguments. I agree!
In fact, Russians as such are famous to be (sometimes awfuly)direct. It may not be very convenient for people who are not used to it, especially here in the west. However with times even here people start value and treasure it, for the basis of it is the honesty and trust. Exactly as you mentioned. Thanks a lot for that great insight!
January 9, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Dear GL
Since I discovered your site 2 days ago I am so happy. Everything you mention about RW sounds so familiar to me even though I am not a RW. I am a girl from a Western European country (I prefer to be discreet about this) living in London at the moment. I am (happily) engaged to a man with the same values and expectations you all seem to have about women. It has been a kind of relief to me in discovering that I am not alone in leading my life as I do. Like RW I take pride in my appearance, I enjoy being treated as a princess by my fiancée and in being a loving supportive wife and in the future I would like to home school my children as to not expose them to the brainwashing of this society. Many people would think that I am therefore a ‘submissive’ girl with no ‘opinion of herself’ but I have a degree in science, speak 4 languages and play piano (not that good yet but I hope I can improve as I have taken up piano lessons again). Funnily enough I think I have the same problem as many men who visit this site as I don’t find likeminded girlfriends. In this respect I can feel quite lonely sometimes. So I can symphatize with you and I hope you can offer me some advice…
Happy New Year to all!
January 9, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hi thk103
You brought out an interesting point about your lady friend being “perfectly clear” in letting you know that you were a major priority to her. This is especially interesting since it seems like your dating relationship with her is still pretty early along.
I remember the first time I experienced the same type of sincere communication from a lovely Russian Lady and it about floored me since it is truly so uncommon to get that level of sincerity with women in the US like that.
I think your in a great position.. Keep the romance burning and just make sure that when you are with her that she knows that you are cherishing every moment you have with her. She will pick up on this for sure and will reciprocate in kind in her own special way.
Cheers Man.. GL
January 9, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Hi DJ,
Nice that you can see the similarities as to what I’m talking about with the ladies in Asia.
Thanks for commenting and please continue to contribute!
GL
January 9, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Welcome back Axinia!
Thanks for your “seal of approval” on this post. I was initially surprised about the directness that you mention that I’ve seen in many Russian Women..
But now I’ve just grown to totally love it..
You will rarely if never have to deal with any hidden agenda or ego based positioning with these great ladies. I can’t tell you how refreshing that is in this day and age of P.C.
Good to see you again my dear!
GL
January 9, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Welcome Nadia
I’ve said this to a few like minded ladies like yourself but it’s worth saying everytime..
I’m always especially pleased when a thoughtful and true lady like yourself comes on board and gives your personal testimony as to how you see your traditional womanhood in relation to the feminist group think that is out there.
The fact that you “want to be discreet” about this tells me a great deal about your social pressures.. Kind of sad isn’t it?
You just want to be free to live your life as a proud traditional lady, wife and mother and you basically have to go into hiding..
Cultural Marxism at it’s most powerful unfortunately..
Anyways.. you are ALWAYS welcome here with your insights and observations.
I think it’s great that there are a number of non-RW ladies who really like this site and find if valuable like yourself..
That really feels like a great honor and i hope you will tell any like minded girlfriends you have about our little home here on the internet range.
Keep up the good fight and don’t let the feminist peer pressure get you down. You can always pay us a visit here if you need to find some sanity..
Thanks again,
GL
January 11, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Thank you GL for the response to my earlier comment.
Russian women (RW) have no need to try to constantly flaunt or brag about it (their achievements) like I’ve seen so much of in the US. That quality is so important to me to women I would want to get to know, the selflessness. I mean women do not have to prove they can do a mans job or career just as good as a man! women are not men each of us has a specific role and position in life, thats what I believe. I believe it should be a womans priority to focus on feminine qualities first such as being a wife and helpmate and then she can focus on some form of work or higher education. My point is that Men and women are different but they should compliment each other literally and figuratively.
And I have been extensively reading your articles and really enjoyed your article: how feminism degrades women.
January 16, 2008 at 1:55 am
[...] - User’s Guide January 16, 2008 — wonderlander Responding to discussion on this must-read by Master GL, here’s an overview of, errm, ”Russian Woman (TM) Communicator”, from home [...]
January 16, 2008 at 3:19 am
Greetings!
GL, another post brilliant by clarity and value! Many thanks.
Inspired me to give additional highlights to its facets, that resulted into a full-weight post (a trackback must appear now) - about honesty, low profile, active listening, volume (in db and kb), and how to deal with talking and asking.
Axinia, Nadia - best regards and a hand of friendship!
Sincerely,
Comrade Natalia
January 16, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Hi C,
I almost rolled my eyes when you reminded me about how many American Women i’ve encountered “brag” about their work titles.. I mean there are great ways to communicate this basic part of your identity without being snooty about it but sadly to say you are right.. many AW just simply fail at it..
Thanks for enjoying the site..
GL
January 16, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Hi Natalia,
Thanks for your enthusisam about this post! Hope to read your take on this subject sometime soon too..
Take care,
GL
January 22, 2008 at 12:17 am
Hello all, wishing you an excellent new year ahead and much good news! I will be traveling to Tashkent via Moscow in Mid February to spend some time with friends and of course Galina Moya serdechka, milaya moya Got to say GL, this is an excellent post you have written here. It hits the nail on the head for all of us. The more time I spend in the presence of RW the more I learn how effective less talk and more doing really is. Walking the walk is what makes life real. Words alone carry little weight. Cheers,
Mishenka
January 26, 2008 at 6:51 am
Hello everyone!
Really enjoying your site and articles.
Relating to ways that RW phrase their feelings I would like to ask if in a case that RW tell you through a letter that she misses you from a previous visit to the US and uses the term “Good Friend” relating to you, would that particular term be considered a way of distancing herself from a romantic involvement or is she open to a prelude of it?
Hope I was clear enough.:) Thanks for your input!
January 26, 2008 at 1:41 pm
RickB… I have no experience with RW, but IME with “good” women from elsewhere, “Good Friend” is very often a prequel to a romantic involvement.
It’s in no way analagous to the ridiculous “friend zone” you get with the modern, “liberated” harpies.
January 26, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Hi socon, In a away that’s what it transpired to me..
But because of the way foreigners translate/write their emotions into english often using expressions that can mean something else in their own culture/lingo, I was kind of not so sure of what to think when reading that expression..
My “Good Friend” is due here in Florida this Summer by the way. She has told me that her vocabulary has improved a lot since last september…We’ll see;).
January 29, 2008 at 2:49 am
A good, insightful article, and I agree that all Russian women can be divided to “categories”, according to their looks on life and on other people. Of all Russian women, less than 2% ever deal with marriage agencies; and even among those who do, there are very different personalities.
At the same time, the specifics of marriage business today, created a very peculiar “code of behavior rules” for women. Those who are ready to follow the code, stay with the agencies; others just pass by.
All this creates a specific environment to the whole community of “marriage-agency-women”. The men who have visited Russia (Ukraine) multiple times, develop a stable attitude to these women, and with time, begin to use this approach to ALL women in this part of the world.
This is just a stereotype, dear gentlemen. Try to set a different goal on your next trip; try to contact a different layer of population; develop new contacts which are not related to marriage business at all - and you will see a new (different) Russia!
January 29, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Hi RickB,
I’m happy you enjoy the site the way you do.. As far as your question goes.. just keep this in perspective. Whatever you say or do with your emails or phone calls is only 20% of the total picture as far as whether or not you are attracted to each other. Don’t stress out about little things like her verbage and just concentrate on going there asap.
When you do that you will look at your letters and realize how insignificant that was in comparison to the experience of being there.
Good Luck
GL
January 29, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Hi Inga,
Thanks for your validation and insight on this subject which I completely agree with. Please take the time to check out my lastest post “Russian Women want Real Men” because I think it’s very much related to this subject.
Cheers! GL