March 29, 2008
At Last A Positive News Article about Russian-Western Marriages
Posted by rw_man under Advice Column, American Men, Background, Beauty & Sexiness, Culture & Beliefs, General, Identity, International Men, Real Man, Russian Women, Why Russian Women?I’m very pleased to see the following article in Bloomberg after all of the slanted and biased press that Russian and FSU Women seemed to have been getting for such a long time.
March 28 (Bloomberg) — When Nick Wilsdon met his Russian wife, Anna, on the Internet, friends teased him about his mail- order bride. Turns out, he was a mail-order husband.
Three years after first exchanging e-mails with Anna on an online dating site, the Web designer from England’s south coast made the 2,200-mile trek to Ivanovo, Russia’s “City of Brides.” He and Anna are now expecting their first child.
The Ivanovo region has the highest ratio of women to men in Russia, a legacy of the Soviet textile mills that imported female workers from across the country. The city, which once helped marriage bureaus recruit young women for foreign spouses, is now enticing residents to stay and raise families. That’s fuelling a baby boom as Russia struggles to stem a population decline.
Now it’s great to see coverage like this about a particular Russian city but keep in mind that Ivanovo is not the only place with a large ratio imbalance of Women to Men. You can travel most anywhere in the entire FSU and easily witness this for yourself.
Female Assets
Ivanovo achieved the turnaround by making the most of its biggest asset: women. According to Russian government statistics, 56 percent of the city’s 432,000 people are women.
To encourage them to stay and raise children, the city has doubled the number of subsidized home loans for families, added 1,000 kindergarten spaces in two years, and built a new maternity hospital, says Deputy Mayor Igor Svetushkov.
“We’re not calling ourselves the `City of Women,”’ Svetushkov says. A bride is a “partner for life, a symbol of the family. We’d like to tell people to come here to find their happiness.”
With a population of 432,000 I would consider Ivanovo to be a modest sized city and again there are many other cities in the FSU like this. 56% Women out of 432,000 people means that this city has 241,920 women but I’ve never seen any type of census data that gives you the marital status or the age range of these ladies.
Statistics like this are always interesting but personally I would take any of it with a grain of salt.
Just because you’re in a city with a large population of women doesn’t immediately mean you are going to have an easy time trying to find the right woman to be your wife.
Don’t get me wrong.
Being in a place like this is a great start but the most important thing that I’ve always emphasized is going to a place where you either have an existing social network or at least good potential to try to build one rapidly.
You have no idea how important establishing “Social Proof” through local references and friends are in a traditional environment like this.
Or in other words.. Go with what you know and not with what you necessarily read.
“Advice from an old tracker… You want to find someone, use your eyes.” - Captain Mal Reynolds from the film Serenity
This article implies that the city bosses of Ivanovo are realistically facing up to the fact of their declining population and taking the right steps towards dealing with it. I’m cautiously optimistic about this report and I hope that Ivanovo and other cities like it will do whatever it takes to encourage quality men and women to find each other and to create families there.
Now obviously because there are real shortages of eligible and qualified Men in this part of the world I can only hope that the powers that be dump any nationalistic pride which sees Western Men as rivals in order to address the much deeper issue of population survival itself.
I’m cautious because my time in Russia has taught me that most of what is really happening is not on the surface and there is quite a bit of un-healthy nationalism floating around which loudly discourages these types of unions.
This is the key reason why I’ve said before that the opportunity for you Men to freely do this may only be a temporary window of opportunity. I can’t prove that this window will close anytime soon but I would certainly encourage all of you to error on the side of caution and not delay this process any more then you have to.
Wilsdon says. “People that come out thinking that they’ll just get a girl here who is going to be indebted to them because they pay for their plane ride to England are going to have a bit of a shock.”
Mr. Wilsdon certainly nailed this point correctly.
And hopefully all of you who have been reading this blog have understood this point for a long time now.
However it’s worth stating again..
Don’t believe any Marriage Agency marketing hype about how “easy” it is to find a Woman who would accept you as her Husband.
Just don’t go there..
In any case I’d like to give my hats off to Bloomberg for posting this story.
I do think it’s interesting that a primarily business news outlet aimed mostly at intelligent business oriented Men would start to give the positive recognition that this relationship trend deserves.
Let’s hope that the rest of the Media follows.
March 29, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Couldn’t agree more - it’s is about time we saw more objective journalism regarding Russia in general. I for one am very tired of see the same old slant between the lines in coverage from major news outlets.
March 29, 2008 at 11:07 pm
The statistics are skewed because of the high mortality rate of russian men in the higher age cohorts (age bracket). In the 15-35 range there is essentially parity. You can look this stuff up on the world health organization and other public health related sites. See the following from the us census for example and the vast majority of the imbalance is in the 50+ range. http://www.census.gov/ipc/prod/ib96-2.pdf
March 30, 2008 at 6:03 am
Welcome aboard Eoco.
I think the tide may be turning and I read into this Bloomberg article as a pretty significant sign of things to come.
Thanks again, GL
March 30, 2008 at 6:09 am
Hi Neil you are right about that and my own experience here tends to back that up..
But there is one very big However…
There is a significant population of Males in that age group who do not have the ways and means to create a stable family.
Any number of girls here may be fully ready to get married from the time they are 18 to 25. But the same cannot be said for the Men because of the traditional responsibilities that he must bear to support her and their children.
Most Russian Girls would like to have Children by the time they are 25 so this desire on their part plays a key role in their decision making process.
Thanks again for the input.
GL
March 30, 2008 at 11:53 pm
If ya’ll have a chance, please see or rent “Russian Bride”. I just watched it and loved this. It’s a very tender and cute movie of a young lady going to New York.

It’s story isn’t the greatest and there are many things you can pick apart, but the lady in this is just excellent. A positive spin is given by the director. Very refreshing.
Worth a veiw.
March 31, 2008 at 8:28 am
I too agree with Mr. Wilsdon, and have stated in earlier posts, that, just because you have a blue passport, do not think that these girls are going to fall at your feet.
They are not desperate, and must be persued with all the vigor and romance that one can muster. Use common sense; a 50 yr. old man simply does not need to persue an 18 yr. old girl… even if on the dating site she lists you in her age range, please use your “big” head, and judgment. Take the time to learn a little of the language, and come and see for yourself.
March 31, 2008 at 12:02 pm
A rather pointless article:
An Unprotected Look at Western-Russian Relations
http://mnweekly.ru/columnists/20080327/55319747.html
April 1, 2008 at 4:11 am
GL pointed out above that most males 18-25 are not ready to begin starting up a family yet and it got me wondering, is it normal over there for younger woman (18-25) to be with an older man(30+)? If this were true it would make more sense as to why it’s been repeated here that the men of any age here should be looking in the 18-25 range for their lady.
April 1, 2008 at 5:04 pm
The more I read about the number of 30+ men seeking wives in the 18-25 range the more I wonder about the realistic side of it all. I know it happens but how good of an idea is it?
It is certainly more common in most countries for older men and very young women to be married but there are many reasons within those cultures for that sort of pairing.
In most countries, young women (18-25) who are committed to building a family know that the men their age have not established themselves enough to offer the kind of long term security these women need. Many men throughout the world are lacking in a particular level of maturity in that regard. That is no closely guarded secret. These women are also aware that an older man (30+) is far more likely to show her the respect she deserves, be open about intimacy and other serious areas of their relationship, and further would be less likely to run around on her as the years go by.
For the men in these countries it is sometimes a sign of social status to have a beautiful, young wife but more importantly a man who has positioned himself career wise and now wants children, desires a healthy woman with the best chances of giving birth to many healthy babies. That legacy building idea is at the heart of seeking a young wife.
As archaic as this all sounds it makes perfect sense. It has only been the past 30 or 40 years and primarily in North America that couples have had average ages within 2 or 3 years of each other. Insurance companies keep a wealth of statistics and among them is the age gap between marriage partners. This trend began to change “coincidentally” around the same time that we saw other erosions in social attitudes and values throughout NA.
The concern in my mind when it comes to the number of older NA men hoping to ‘land a wife’ in the FSU who is many years younger than he is would be the age difference is only amplified when you factor in the cultural issues. In other words it is not a thoughtful way to handle a mid life crisis. I would love to walk hand in hand with a beautiful 20 year old sweetheart but at 55 the number of people mistaking me for her father would drive me nuts. (In my career that has happened more than once while being out and about with models) However I have very little concern about a 30 year old woman as a partner because most people would figure out that she is old enough to think for herself and probably would not give it a second thought.
For any older man that has had the good (or bad) fortune of dating younger women domestically, it becomes painfully clear that there is often a gap in their personal interests as well. A 45 year old man who likes sports and a 20 year old woman who also likes sports may be as far apart on their point of view as can be simply because the level of interest and experience are so different. Two people can even be the same age and have the same interests but if one is new to that arena and the other quite a veteran, there will often be serious disparity in their points of view.
The key point I’m trying to make is that just because younger FSU women are more open to an age gap doesn’t mean that the men can ignore it. There are inherent differences between people when the age gap is too large. It doesn’t make it an impossible situation but rather another area to put much thought and effort into.
April 1, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I dont measure the gaps with someone in regards to age, although there is a correlation with age. I do measure it in terms of maturity. Lifes experiences can and do change point of views. I’d rather be with a mature 20 year old than an immature much older woman.
Its no easy task to find a life partner and there is really no formula. We all seek something different for different reasons. In my case maturity far outweighs age.
T.
April 2, 2008 at 12:54 am
T.
I couldn’t agree with you more. There have been many times where maturity was the only value I needed in a partner. I think we have all been down that road once or twice.
Where I am from many the 40 year old women don’t have a lot more maturity than most of the ‘20 somethings’ do.
A model I worked with years ago spent most of her free time with me checking out the sights of Seattle. It was funny how many looks and actual stares we got primarily because of the nearly twenty years age difference and also because we had an open, very friendly relationship. Her sense of humor added a lot to the time we spent together as well.
As far as I’m concerned, if there is no age problems with the couples then why should it be an issue for the people around them, right? However we all know that it can be a very big deal for some people and those are the ones that make their presence and opinions known all too well.
But “screw ‘em all” is my motto for those people and maybe the more they see of it the less they’ll care. Who knows?
Richard
April 2, 2008 at 1:06 am
There is a saying I like a lot. And it goes like this: “An offense is an offense only if the target of the offense takes it as one”.
Funny thing is that it empowers us into what good and bad things we allow others to throw at us. And yes we do allow them. And in case of the saying, it is a simple offense, but many times we give too much credit to what others have to think or say about us.
This can only be a growing ground for FEAR. People grow afraid of what they have to say, what they have to think, how, why, etc. etc.
I think its just a matter of focusing on what makes you and those who are in your proximity happy. I can honestly say I care less what an aquaintance has to say or think about me, their reality is too far from mine.
Follow your heart, its usually right. Dont be afraid of other peoples fears and live life to the fullest. On the day we kick the bucket then we will be glad we did because all those memories and experiences are the only things we will take along in our hearts.
T.
April 2, 2008 at 6:29 pm
“If there is no age problems with the couples then why should it be an issue for the people around them, right?”
Hi guys, Richard I think most of us are more than happy to see a man with a younger woman. If we stare, well… sorry but maybe it’s because we wish we could be him. A woman’s jealousy however is a totally different ball game.
Being married to a much youger woman is not as uncommon as you might think. I know many. Still it is a slap in the face of so called womens progress. Trust me they won’t exept it. At least not without first trying to discredit and damage reputations.
Its a win for their cause so they think.
Women in the media spotlight like Celine Dione, Shania Twain, and Anne Murray all married much older men men who were experinced in the music industry and became their agents. Maybe it’s a Canadian thing as no americans come to mind. The point is these women didn’t marry for selfish reasons. They were talented. They could have married a Brad Pitt and still been successfull.
Today they are all good mothers even if Anne learned the hard way. Shania put her career aside to raise her family even moving to Switzerland in order to shelter them from the obvious attention they would receive in North America. And Celine ended her world tours, stopped making new music, and has been spending more time at home. Yet for all this, how much criticism these last two wemen received! Why? because they go against the popular trends.
The ladies who have grown up in our society simply can’t get their head around this. It challenges everything they thought was true. They see a few couples that are happy and successful and most likely they may not be experiencing the same happiness and success in their own lives. Younger men, extremly busy life styles, and poor set of priorities will always leave them feeling unfulfilled. The truth be told, the reason they want to cut these successful men and women down is because they feel threatened. Nobody likes to be contradicted even when their wrong. Especially when they are wrong!
Still there are risks that we all need to be aware of when big age gaps exist and good reasons to have limits. I think GL has covered this topic well so I won’t go on.
Newfoundlander
April 2, 2008 at 6:59 pm
When women react to the older man/younger woman thing it is generally because they are scared. And it’s not hard to see why: it is terrifying to think that you might be one day thrown out just because you got older. NO WOMAN is immune from this threat, because NO WOMAN stays young forever. Very often in our society older women are treated with contempt simply because they are older women. I’m not even talking about women in their 50s and 60s, but rather women in their 30s!
But please note that this isn’t because we are ‘bitter’ or ‘mean’ or killjoys. It’s a genuine fear founded on what we see around us. For women, whose greatest fear is to be abandoned, these older men/younger women couples are chilling reminders of a weakness that hurts us much more than it hurts men.
April 2, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Down,
I am assuming that you refer to western culture when you say our society. So if this is the case please allow me to express a few thoughts on that subject.
As you can see, many men do search for a life long partner. There would be no way in hell I would trade in a fulfilling relationship with any woman at any age for another woman based just on age or looks.
The problem goes back to the base of what is one of the main subjects of this blog, the lack of fulfillment men find in many (Yes I know there are some very good exceptions) relationships lived here in the west. This is due to many of the subjects alredy discussed here like being a competitive couple instead of a compliementing couple.
I can honestly say that a relationship like the ones most of us here on this blog are searching for, even if its with an older woman is by far better than having a younger woman.
For western women that live this fear, perhaps it is time to focus on your relationship and start unlearning all the bad habits you might have picked up. Then and only then you can be certain that what you are giving your man will by far outmeasure anything that a younger woman may give him. Then and only then you will be able to stop worrying.
An unfulfilled man will search for fulfillment with ANY other woman that he might think he will get a chance of finding it.
T.
P.S: Hopefully we all find that relationship based on love and not fear.
April 3, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Hello Dawn,
I appreciate everything you said and yes I do understand. But I don’t think we treat women with contept and cirtainly not simply because they’re in their thirties. I’m 29 and I’ve been pysicaly attracted to many beautiful women of that age group. It’s just that once a woman enters her thirties she may began to lose some of her options. That is if she isn’t already married by then. This is because Men who want younger women are most likely interested in starting familys. An older woman knows she’s running out of time and we know it to. Thing is unless she can find a man who already has kids from a previous marrige or perhaps one who doesn’t want any she may have tough time to find a guy with the two year or so age gap that she finds axeptable. Keep in mind that older men with a ten year age gap or so, might be more than happy to be with her but she isn’t willing. You see socity says you can have it all when in fact you really can’t. You just can’t spend years working toward a great career and expect that you’ll still have time for family latter. It’s one or the other. Choose family and your career will suffer. Put your career first and the family life will take the hit. Regardless of whether we are men or women we have to decide what things are most important. At the end of the day we have to live with the conseqences.
However You are right Dawn, this does affect woman more than it affects men and it does’nt seem fair. I only know that we can’t change the way God made us. Nor can we make time stand still. But I do think that creating a loving family and letting them know every day that they have first place in your life is the surest way for a woman to keep her man. I guess it works both ways. And I also think a woman will find more happiness and satisfaction in family than any career could ever bring.
A good marrige between a man and his wife is like having a best friend. No matter how green the grass is on the other side there isn,t anything in this world that can take the place of a real relationship. So if you’ve got one there’s no need to be worried, but keeping working on the relations ladies because thats the glue.
Newfoundlander
April 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Dawn,
Regardless of how a lady feels about the “older man younger woman thing” there is never a good reason to cut other women down. Another thing I know for sure is that it is certianly not atractive to the men you may be interested in. What would you think of us if we were to go around slaming other guys?
Newfoundlander
April 4, 2008 at 1:30 am
I agree with you, Atlantic. Bitterness is never attractive, in anyone of either gender.
April 9, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I can`t believe!! - a POSITIVE article regarding Russia… is just a dream
Hope many more will come soon. I also deceided to write more about Russia on my blog, just fed up of all this black Western propaganda.
April 9, 2008 at 11:08 pm
I quite understand where you’re coming from Axina. When I was a teenager, I had to put up with the “Evil Empire” crap from the mouths of those who know nothing about the history of Eastern Europe, let alone the fact the U.S. is turning into the very thing it’s leaders accuse your country of being. Not everyone here in the west is fooled by the propaganda.
Taras
April 10, 2008 at 2:57 am
It really is too bad that the USA mainstream press can’t let go of the past. Of course it seems less like they want to report was is actually going on in the world and more worried about ratings. Americans eat up this garbage news with a fervor and feed on it, while the good news stories just get passed over. Plus most people don’t really pay that much attention to what is going on elsewhere, all they really care about is what affects them. I was mostly this way until I started to gain interest in Russia and their culture. Now I’m hooked and devoting quite a bit of time to it.
April 14, 2008 at 2:33 am
Hi Richard and T,
You Gentlemen are both very correct to look at the maturity of a girl as opposed to the number of her biological age.
I’ve met a number of girls between the ages of 18 to 25 who were unbelievably mature because of the various and difficult challenges that they’ve been through.
I wouldn’t pay attention to the naysayers at all on this.
If free choice expressed to it’s fullest and if it’s mutually beneficial in many dimensions for the 2 of you then “it ain’t nobody’s business..”
You click with who you click depending on maturity and regardless of age.. nothing more and nothing less..
Thanks to you both.. GL
April 14, 2008 at 2:41 am
Hi Dawn,
I think that what you presented is a very valid fear for women everywhere.
Here’s the point that I have a hard time reconciling with though..
If this was such a big fear then wouldn’t NA Women want to be more “relationship friendly” and do what it takes to find the best life long husband possible?
This is slightly a rhetorical question because I’m sure on some level many women are just in denial about it and swing hard core into the “I don’t need a Man” and “I can take care of myself mode”.. And voila feminism as we know it is born..
Denial has never gotten anyone far.. I only hope that any of the women out there who do engage in it see it as being the fruitless posture that it is and go for what’s real.
I really appreciate you comment on this.. Any additional insight you have is always welcome.
GL
April 14, 2008 at 2:42 am
I can’t believe it too Axinia
Let’s hope it continues..
GL
April 14, 2008 at 9:34 am
Here we got the fifth thread of discussing “Younger Woman - Older Man”… (dear GL, please enable multiple links at least to your own blog ;))
…and the sum of vectors is, “younger, younger, younger! oh, STILL younger?!” )
Your devil’s advocate has another couple of facts unvoiced, if memory serves me correctly.
I agree that women’s fear of losing to this trend is pan-cultural. Why keep reasoning inside the XX NA box?
“Grey into the beard, demon into the rib.” Or how do you call that in English, Gentlemen? “Old Adam”? ) This midlife panic, that made ancient rulers believe in rejuvenation by applying a bedful of warm virgins - or even taking bath in their blood?
He goes upscale, and sheds down the unboastable past together with its witness. Replaced with her daughter’s peer and the New Heir by the latter.
It’s so common that it feels a Wife Rotation, like the water cycle.
“Look guys how tough I am… and how tough her breast is.”
“There would be another when this natural glory wears down to require technical maintenance.”
What’s funny, he may still address the ex for help and relief.
OK, a fulfilled man in a happy marriage should withstand temptations… But nature’s track record is ages longer than civilization’s tenure.
Some endurers would say, “It was not what you think! It’s all different! That time doesn’t count! They all are just dolls! I love only you! I’m not going!” SHE may go, loathing his betrayal.
A husband 15 years older than his wife dies 10 years before his term.
A wife 10 years older than her husband, when she’s over 50, has double chances to die twice sooner.
Many challenges have been voiced to account for this trend.
Any balance? )
Sincerely, Comrade N.
April 21, 2008 at 11:39 am
Rhetorical question: If the artificial mechanisms of a protected marriage institute were removed, then would we have a polygamous society or a monogamous one with younger women and older men? In my honest opinion, societies would become polygamous.
What matters is not the age of the men, but women’s idea of the ideal man since women tend to be the ones selecting their mates. Look at animal behavior in nature. Male display, fight, sing, dance and the females chose.
So the big question…What are females finding desirable in the societies we want to compare? Do they want a muscular stud or a provider (regardless of age). This is the major difference between Russian and British societies. The older, more powerful men seem to be getting the attention of the women (eg. Putin). In the West muscles and thug-like behavior seem to be what wins women over (a big wtf moment for me when I moved to Canada).
May 5, 2008 at 7:40 am
There is a crucial difference in attitude to marriage between western and east-European culture. All Russian women are eager to marry and the age difference with partner doesn’t matter. It is just a tradition, like in the West all kids should be baptised in a certain time – in Russia all girls should be married.
May 6, 2008 at 8:23 pm
anon girl,
It’s not so much our laws that change the behaviours. It all depends to what degree a society values its religous, moral, or spiritual natures. Remove the laws in russia and over all not much would change. If you were talking about doing it in North America, well, you might be right.
In the west many reject the spiritual for our baser human feelings and desires which are usually selfish. They fluctuate with our every whim and result in short term pleasure and peceived happiness at the expense of others and even our own future or family life.
In the same way that women are attracted to bad boys, don’t think we men can’t be inticed by bad girls. But a little fun in the short term would leave any of us feeling unfulfilled and ruin our true chance at happiness.
Also, I’d just like to say that men and women are not animals and we both play an active role in the choice process. So, on this point perhaps we can find some equal ground between male and female.
Newfoundlander
May 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm
That is true Anon Girl. Until that is they’re 35 and want children, something thug boy couldn’t care less about. By then it’s too late for them because no man in his right mind wants to marry a woman like that with thug boy in the background.
Taras