One of the most important aspects of traveling anywhere is your ability to develop what I have repeatedly called your “social network”.
Now sightseeing on it’s own is always nice..
But the value of creating important contacts and friendships from another part of the world will always outlast the attention span given to any snapshots you may occasionally glance at.
Being able to meet and develop friendships anywhere has varying degrees of difficulties due to differences in culture, language, and surroundings. And visiting Russia or the FSU certainly qualifies as being more on the “interesting” side of this challenge.
And this is why so many Agencies and Tour Groups are available out there.
And while these outfits serve the purpose of getting you familiarized with any country to various degrees there is still one very important point to consider.
The more “protected” you are the less ability you’ll have towards meeting “Real people”.
“Real People” who will interact with you without any agenda because they simply never imagined meeting you before.
If for example you have the ability to visit Russia for other purposes then to solely “find women” then I know that you are probably going to have an easier time meeting genuine people from all walks of life.
People who you will be just as curious about you as you are about them.
People who wish to share their lives and hospitality with you.
And of course..
People who can give you the all important introductions to various ladies that they or their friends personally know.
This is especially the case if they see you as a cultivated and traditional Gentleman..
If you do this then you are going to find that many of these people would be more then happy to play matchmaker for you.
More often then not they know of some “good girl” who is truly deserving of a “good husband”… and you just may be the one to fit the bill.
In case you have a hard time believing this because it sounds too “simple” or straightforward then ponder this..
It really can be this clear and simple culturally speaking.
This is because these people (especially older ones) firmly understand both the stages and the limitations of life and they wouldn’t think twice about helping a deserving woman they are friendly with to find a good husband.
There is joy in finding love and there is also much joy in helping others to find it too.
And this is one of those wonderful principles that brings much happiness and meaning to one’s existence. And these people understand this.
So remember what I said earlier about having another reason to visit Russia or the FSU in order to find more genuine experiences?
Well these reasons can provide an additional purpose for your visit and in doing so can make it that much easier for you to socialize with the right groups you wish to connect with.
Or in other words it’s the difference between introducing yourself in one of the following ways..
Method 1: “Hi my name is John, and I’m here to meet women and to find a wife!”
Or.
Method 2: “Hi my name is John and I’m here doing (business / volunteer) work for the “XYZ Foundation” back in New York….”
Are you starting to get all of this?
Good..
Because, the first introduction could easily raise suspicion or disbelief and repel people.
The second introduction shows that you have purpose and people are almost always magnetically attracted to this and wish to find out more.
Here’s another important point to this post..
Imagine if you visited a different city in YOUR OWN Country and introduced yourself in the examples I gave previously…
How would you expect to be received with either Method 1 or 2?
So the conclusion is clear.
The more “normalcy” you can introduce into the purpose of your visit..
The more “normal” and natural your dating experience will be..
So because of this I would highly recommend developing either a solid business or volunteering reason for traveling to this part of the world. There are a million different business ideas floating around so I won’t get into it for now. But I found a possible starting point for anyone who may wish to consider the volunteering route.
Check out this site called Cross Cultural Solutions.
(If any of you knows of anything else along these lines then please share them.)
Someone sent me a link on them so I don’t know anything personally about them but it’s interesting to see that they offer different types of volunteer programs into Russia.
Now please don’t get me wrong..
Being a tourist is great and it’s something that we all do.
But if you want to be and be seen as someone with an admirable mission, purpose and direction then I would suggest you go for it and lead the way..
Because when you do..
I’m sure you will find a lovely and special someone who is willing to follow you.
April 13, 2008 at 9:01 am
Hey GL
Another good post mate.
I am interested in Volunteer work, and I did do some research on the link you provided. (I also requested more information).. Do you have any other recommendations aside from caring for elderly or disabled individuals? Children are one thing, but as for everything else I don’t know.
Thanks,
Josh
April 14, 2008 at 7:56 am
Great argument! Man is what he does in life.
Brainstorming on alternatives:
* research in opportunities for business [expansion] – for oneself or as a consultant;
* studying Russian with “immersion” effect (BTW, the cliche label for a philological department or linguistic course here is THE FACULTY OF BRIDES because of their gender ratios);
* trailblazing for a multinational’s new affiliate;
* project management / consulting that allows mobility – not only between places but from project to project…
Though infatuation with foreign expertise is yesterday of Russian corporate fashion, there are still top-package jobs for top managers with respectable foreign background. Not for all are millions, but less is more than average.
Teaching under grants became a common joke: “Who can do business, do. Who can’t, teach.” But that’s just an extention of an older joke about authors and critics.
Volunteering, too, can be interpreted as being “good-for-nothing-well-paid” or simply “weird” – by a majority of locals. But when you are into it (by mind and in practice), you have chance to meet a rarely idealistic, eagerly sacrificing mate-to-be as a colleague, and truly get to know her… before stress may embitter someone.
Work environment, in general, is a venue where many Russian women expect to find the man. Past are the times when mothers preached: “Get hitched at college, later on you’ll be surrounded with the old and married”.
Though there are certain cautions and discipline, a Russian office is nothing like a bigoted Western “sexual harassment” trap. And where else do people spend so much time together? Where are they so united by and tested at common tasks? Where are they so occupied with business as to quit posing? Where must they attend festive occasions well taken care of? Finally, who pays to send them to challenging missions and to seminars at nice places? )
Gossip is the only drawback of dating within an organization.
It is nourished by people’s envy and need for distraction from their duties (work to be dreaded by default), – both traits depicted in hundreds of authentic Russian jokes – from brief sayings to parody essays.
This unfriendly attention places great strain on a relationship, which is difficult to keep secret. Often one of the couple has to quit, whatever outcome of a love story. There are also positions that law forbids to distribute between spouses.
But in case of your international plans, Gentlemen, this stage might have been just a launching pad
Sincerely,
Comrade Natalia
April 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm
RW-man, you truly have a didactical talent! – well posted, as ever.
Out of my experiences and feeling I cany say that ” businessman” will still sound better than ” a volunteer.
Natalya`s advice is very wise: * research in opportunities for business [expansion] – for oneself or as a consultant.
April 15, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Hi Josh,
That’s the only thing I can come with for now. Your best bet is to just comb the net on Western based organizations since the concept of Volunteering in Russia is still a strange one due to the mentality that the state is supposed to take care of everything because of the old USSR days.
Good luck.. GL
April 15, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Thanks as usual Axinia
April 15, 2008 at 8:50 pm
[...] More considerations on expatriation, occupation and marriageable dating in “Pearl Diving” [...]
April 18, 2008 at 4:57 pm
If I can be of any advise:
When I used to work as a translator for French people in Prague, they would always ask me, if we do have enough food, if we do have medication in hospitals, or even they would compliment me, because we had electricity. I was always asking myself, when would they start to rub me behind the ear and offer me a cube of sugar:-) With the charity, there is a little risk, that you will fall in that liberal do-gooding type of behaviour, sort of taking pictures with little savages and complimenting them on their arts and crafts and telling them how sad it would be if capitalism did spoil their purity.
To the other side, I always appreciated, when somebody told me, he came to appreciate classical music, do researches on some ruins or look after a certain cutural phenomenon. If you come out with names of a few composers, scientists or sportsmen, if you tell them that you are biologists and you want to collect a certain type of mushroom growing in their forests, they will appreciate it much better, because you talk to them as to their equals.
By the way I found an excellent site: http://www.womenrussia.com
April 24, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Natalia,
I’d never thought of studying Russian, or Ukrainian, for that matter abroad. Are there programs at the respective universities for English speakers to learn by immersion as you put? Seems to me that that’d be a good way to kill to birds with one stone, as they say.
Thanks
MJ
April 26, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Answer positive: )
September 7, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I just got done seeing something that I did not even think I would see here in Siberia. My interpreter and I were at a club, in this club there are seats shaped in a big U with settings for 2 tables in each one. Well three italians, a Russian girlfriend and her sister sit down across from us and start trying to order. One of the Italians speaks english moderately and none can really speak Russian, and the girls barely know enough english or italian to have any good communication with them. They were in bad shape trying to order and read the menu so my interpreter helped translate from Russian to English which then got translated into Italian for everyone. This worked well and all of a sudden there were Italians with girlfriends, an American, and a Russian all enjoying their food together at the club. Numbers were exhanged and further meetings were being planned. The Italians have 2 more days here and they are going to use them to their fullest.
The next night we waited for them to reply about going out again, I gave up and went to sleep, but at about one in the morning the call came in that they were out again. The Interpreter went out and they went clubbing into the early hours of the morning. The thing about these Italians is that they were absolute gods when they walked into a club. They would walk up and dance/whisper into an ear/sit and talk to and pretty much instantly engage any girl in a club they wanted, and they always chose the most beautiful girls there. These were average looking guys with some charisma and huge amounts of confidence and egos to match. They even met Mascha at one of the clubs this night
When I was out with them the next night the waitresses were stopping by our table telling us that there were girls at other tables that wanted to meet us and asking questions about us. I, being spoken for at this time, did not take part in any of this, other than to observe and report to you
Any club we entered was about 80% women, on top of this most of the guys there are either with girls already or just stand back at the entrance and watch whats going on. The guys that went out to dance had 3 beautiful women around them each and were having a blast. It was extremely entertaining watchng them talk to a girl, come to the interpreter, have him figure out what it was they wanted to say, then have them turn to the girls and say it, the girls were doing the opposite and all involved were having a great time. This lasted longer than I could and I went home earlier than the rest. From what I hear though they were out until past 5 and had to catch their plane home at 7, I’d bet they charmed all the Russian girls on the plane on the trip to Moscow just to top off their trip.
My interpreter told me that good girls end up going to these clubs as well and thet you can see tell them from the party girls. They will dress very nicely, properly done up. They don’t smoke and most will only have a drink at the most and then switch to either soda or water. He was able to spot them at every club we went to and pretty much all of them spent evenings with their girlfriends, never even approached by a guy.
It has been a fun weekend
sunnyinsd@mail.com
September 11, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Well I am back from my trip. It was an absolutely amazing trip and I am actually sad to be back in America now knowing what Russia is like. It really gives a new perspective on what you need to get by in life and what we take for granted here in the US.
My standard for seeing women has changed completely. Russian women are so subtle with their movements, suggestions, and signs that American women just seem vulgar now. The standard for beauty is very high for all girl in Russia. What is considered to me beautiful here is normal there and what is beautiful there is amazing. All the girls spend time on their looks and do themselves up, however I never saw a girl caked in make-up. It was always a natural look, with perhaps some glitter around the eyes. The way the girls walk is incredible, very svelte and feminine, they have a delicate sway in their step, not overly done or a mans walk. On every city block you will see at a bare minimum of 1-2 beautiful women dress up to the max walking down the street, usually you will see more.
The best way to describe the condition of the city in general is it was once a great city that had new everything, but has been completely neglected for about 30 years. Everything has run down to a bad point. There are extensive restoration projects going on now though and it will be great again some day. For now though there are worn out buildings, broken sidewalks, many parks that are not maintained, run downed schools, etc.
I did meet a special someone and had a incredible time with her
Going over, meeting and falling for her was the easy part, now the hard part begins.
I also have a friend who has been waiting on the gov’t to approve his K-1 for his Ukranian fiancee since March. He told me yesterday that it got approved so his wait is coming to an end.
All and all an incredible trip. I would recommend it to everyone
If you have any questions about any of the processes or costs or anything feel free to e-mail me at sunnyinsd@mail.com
September 12, 2008 at 11:51 am
Good to have you back Sunny I’m sure we are all looking forward to hearing more about your adventure. GL