When guys from the US drop into town they usually try to seek me out for some local guidance which I’m always glad to share as long as they have the right attitude. So as a result I’ve had quite a few visitors from all over the States, the EU, and Australia and I’ve come to a simple conclusion about them.
There are clearly 3 different types of guys who come here…
For now let’s just call them:
- Mr. Fat Ego
- aka: Mr. Money, Mr. Scrooge, Bluto or “Hey, look at my homes, my cars, and my Platinum Visa… But don’t look at my fragile ego..”
- Mr. Prozac
- aka: Mr. Anti-Social, Mr. Loser, Mr. Closet Wanker, Chester the Molester
- Mr. Normal Joe
- aka: Mr. Up for an Adventure, Mr. Smarter then the Average Bear
Mr. Fat Ego
He rolls into town wanting to conduct a job interview for a secretary instead of finding a loving wife. He’s got his checklist of items in his head.. Does she make coffee? Does she do dishes? Does she do windows? Does she swallow?
He is sooo wrapped up in his EGO agenda and his world view that he is doomed to fail the moment he tries to force conformity of any decent Russian girl into HIS WAY of doing things. He quickly scares away the worthy girls and only attracts the whores because this is how he’s selling himself to them.
He is in a TOTAL NO WIN situation because even if he get’s engaged and brings some babe home she will undoubtedly be the wrong type of girl for him.. OR.. pay attention now.. She will turn into the WRONG type of girl in short order.
In other words she will quickly turn into another BORG’d American girl who cares only about material sh*t and not him. Why? Because in reality he’s never developed his personality or character.. only his financial statement. This is usually why he came to Russia in the first place because he did the same old thing at home.. so the girls in the US that came knocking were cheap acting whores that only made him increasingly bitter.
So guess what.. you think he learned from that experience? NOOOO.. He wants to come to Russia to repeat the whole experience ALL OVER AGAIN.. So as he’s doing this and as word QUICKLY get’s around he sets Russian-American relations back another 10 years and the locals get to prop him up as yet another propaganda poster-child for “greedy fucked up Americans”.
My advice for Mr. Fat Ego:
Dude.. do us all a favor and go gain some humility and more importantly some self respect.. go do some charity work for the less fortunate then you.. and don’t just exploit that as a good PR opportunity for your business. Go learn how to meditate.. learn how to like yourself without your toys and green.. When you do that.. then come out and play..
He arrives with his meds safely in tow and he usually steps off the plane looking like a homeless dude with bad hair. He’s got the stereotypical crazy bugged out eyes which he uses to either fixate on all of the beautiful girls around him like some caged animal or just stare downward at his worn out shoes all day.. He will immediately gravitate towards the most insecure and emotionally damaged girl he can find.. hopefully one that is even more messed up then he is.. and try to relate to her on some tweaked dysfunctional level.
He’s looking for an instant Co-Dependency where he hopes that he can find a girl who will be just as addicted to him as he is to his pills and his own lack of self-image. He thinks he’s looking for a wife when in reality he’s just looking for another pain killer. He’s an energy vampire.. He just literally flushes the joy and good vibe of any person in the room down the toilet with his drama… which of course demands attention.. the wrong kind of attention as you can guess..
He trucks into town thinking that he’s finally going to even the score in his miserable life… and “Go Git me a WOMAN!” Mr. Prozac also has a very high rate of failure in terms of finding a girl.. any girl.. or as he would say.. “Please god just find me one!!” The word “Desperation” is tattooed onto him like a Charlie Manson swastika. If he somehow manages to bag a girl as desperate as he is then she’s in for a serious world of hurt until she wises up and divorces his ass. If she doesn’t then there is always a bad newspaper headline just waiting in the wings.
My advice for Mr. Prozac:
Dude as hard as this may sound you need to seriously detox even if you aren’t on any meds or moonshine. Emotional detox is the same deal.. Yes it’s painful and yes it will be a real bitch but you need to lock yourself up someplace safe and sweat lodge this puppy out..and truly it will probably take a long time.. Might I suggest a 12 stepper at some local chapter near your place.. Don’t even think about coming to Russia until you go live in some forest for a while and come out the other side whole again.
Mr. Normal Joe
Not to be confused with “Joe Six Pack” or “Joe Schmoe”..
Normal Joe doesn’t have to be a genius but he’s smart and strong enough to know that that 1 + 1 = 2.. no matter how much Orwell’s bad guy in 1984 (aka Feminist propaganda) tortures the hell out of him to make him think that it’s 3.
Normal Joe has slowly caught on to the fact of what the real deal is concerning his increasingly limited options for achieving happiness and a traditional family in his own homeland.
He either has some guts and a sense of adventure to find the truth on his own or he’s had the good fortune to spend some time out of the US to learn that there are many different types of women in the world.. And not all of them have “Narcissism” as their middle name. Normal Joe is cautious and bold at the same time..
He’s cautious in his research but once he’s had enough info to aim with he’s ready to pull the trigger and let the bullets fly. From the time he first heard about Russian girls till his arrival probably took him about a year or so of research and preparation..
When he arrives he’s not ignorant to the fact that he’s a Stranger in a Strange Land. He’s setting out on an adventure that would probably make Robert Heinland want to rewrite the book.. Normal Joe’s natural survival instincts kick in when he sees the unfamiliar Russian landscape and realizes that probably the smartest thing he can do is to speak modestly and to do what the “Romans” do now that he’s in “Rome” and not Kansas. His eyes, mind and soul are open again and within the first day of his arrival he knows that he’s found a BIG part of the answer he’s been looking for. He recognizes from the sights, smells and sounds that SHE is somewhere HERE… and that HE will FIND HER..
Normal Joe feels alive and there are dormant and ancient parts of his manly DNA that are becoming lit up again.. He hasn’t felt this way since he was a young boy possessing the surety that he could conquer the world with a magical toy sword clutched tightly in his hand. Standing on HIS HILL as the KING OF ALL HILLS! All he needs now is HIS Royal Queen and he has finally arrived in her strange and magical land to claim her.
Much of Normal Joe is already at peace because he will never look at the women back home the same way again.. He is a free man now.. free from their materialistic agendas and sexual power games. He can shed off the heavy old armour and weapons that he used to protect himself with.. And with this new found freedom he can gain new insights, abilities and opportunities that he never knew existed.
He’s far away from home.. but he feels like he IS Home..
My advice for Mr. Normal Joe:
Saddle up partner.. and welcome aboard..