Watching a Russian Woman eating a meal is like a ZEN Meditation exercise in..
P A T I E N C E . . . .
(now breath deeply.. and say.. Ooooooommm)
Now the 1st thing you notice.
Is just how precisely but SLOWLY she uses her fork and knife to work with her food.
The 2nd thing you notice.
Is the Microscopic amount of food she actually places on her fork and SLOWLY lifts to her mouth..
The 3rd thing you notice.
Is just how SLOWLY she chews on her food and the number of times she actually chews on it.. usually about 10 mouse-like nibbles before she FINALLY swallows it.
And finally the 4th thing you notice.
Is just how much she goes into STEALTH NINJA mode while eating.. Or in other words she waits till you are distracted or talking before she SNEAKS a bite out of her food.
AND THEN when that’s done.. You get to REPEAT the whole MEDITATION CYCLE all over again..
Now because the normal proportion of food that she usually eats is SO TINY you will only get a chance to watch this process repeat itself about a dozen times or so..
So to give you an actual REAL WORLD example..
Take 1 SMALL SCOOP of ice cream.. (and i do mean small)
Put it in a dainty little ice cream glass with a dainty little tea spoon..
Now watch your average Russian Girl SLOWLY nibble on it one “pinkie nail sized” chunk at a time. This process goes SO SLOWLY that by the time she eats only HALF of that scoop… the other half is completely melted. Even when it’s melted she won’t mind at all.. and will be just as happy to scoop the liquid ice cream cleanly out of her glass in the same slow artistic way.
Honestly when you see this… You’d think that she was trying to win the Olympic gold metal for figure skating by the way she draws precise graceful scooping patterns in her melted ice cream… And if I had a gold metal I sure as heck would give it to her.. complete with a 3 tiered platform to stand on with the Russian National Anthem cranked over the sound system.. Oh and let’s not forget the huge white, blue and red tri-color flag being raised too.
(By the way.. ALL Russian Women secretly fantasize about this..)
Now when I first arrived here.. I was completely horrified by my overall lack of classic table etiquette in comparison to these Women.. This was due I’m sure to the behavioral conditioning that comes with eating at one too many King Sized Chinese Buffet houses..
Now I’m no hand grubbing BARBARIAN when it comes to eating.. but I know I’m not exactly Prince Charles dining with the Queen either.
But thankfully I quickly followed my “When in Rome” instincts when it came to dining with a Russian woman and adapted QUICKLY.
Although I forced myself to SLOW DOWN my eating style while on a date.. I gotta tell you..
It WASN’T EASY trying to keep the Cookie Monster of food in his cage for the sake of being a proper Gentleman to a proper Lady.Food that Mr. Cookie Monster just really wanted to INHALE .. But thankfully I pulled it off.. And so can you.. I know you can do this EVEN if you’re normal idea of fine dining is actually a $9.99 Buffet Spread or a Little Ceasar’s Big Foot Pizza..
To many American’s like myself these classic table manners may initially seem arcane and out of place. However it’s IMPORTANT to exercise them if you are to properly impress upon a lady that you are truly a REAL Gentleman and not some hairy knuckle dragging caveman named GROG in disguise.
This type of cultivation COMPLETELY demonstrates self-respect and discipline.
So when you see it in her..
Make sure she see’s it in you..