70 Years ago in her native country my Grandmother was a young impoverished and abandoned girl.
She had no education nor cultivation of any kind.. but the one thing she did master was survival and obeying the law of the streets in the town she lived. A brutal place where the cost of life was cheap.. and the cost of death was often much cheaper.
As fate would have it she managed to get a young Man to fall for her. A young man who was to be my Grandfather.
At the time my Grandfather came from a wealthy and well known family. And this family was horrified at the thought of “That Woman” being part of their clan.. They did everything they could to humiliate her..
And they succeeded.
Because from that point on.. the red hot irons of shame, poverty and ignorance was excruciatingly and permanently branded into her soul..
And tragically it burned away what little compassion was left for a girl who was never shown any.
The status, ego and contempt that her new family possessed were used like clubs against her.. And so with this.. she understood that the only thing that really mattered in her life.. for the rest of her life..
Was to go and do the same..
When both she and my Grandfather immigrated to the US the existing shame of being a poor girl was only compounded with the material richness she witnessed around her.
So the only thing she could do was to go into deep denial about who she was or where she came from. And this denial took the form of something that she was well versed in and actually very “comfortable” with.
Ego and Contempt once again became her companions.. but this time it was her turn to wield them.
Ego for the imaginary Socialite she pretended to be.
Contempt for any others immigrants like her who came from the same background.. and a special kind of contempt was personally unleashed by her against the women..
Women she regarded as being “lower” then her now that she was something “special”.. now that she was an “American”..
Women she was secretly and pathologically afraid of.. Because since they came from the same land…
Maybe they knew the truth..
Maybe they would expose her for the scared little poor girl she really was..
A little girl who was still desperately running like hell in her mind even though she was in a safe physical place and no longer had to.. A little girl who couldn’t stop running because she DIDN’T want to stop.
Being that little girl on the run was always going to be her preferred IDENTITY of choice… and sadly she proved it..
It was sad to watch this hatred flow like a flood and sweep everything away in its path..
For no matter what love my Grandfather gave her.. the pain she carried from her past was far too great.. She may have slept with him but she really only made “love” to the evil twin companions in her life…
Although Mr. Ego and Mr. Contempt were really hideously deformed trolls.. In her eyes they were tall, dark, mysterious and handsome figures that promised her heaven.. but we all know that they only delivered hell.
Unfortunately for my Grandfather he learned way too late the meaning of the well known phrase..
“You can take a girl out of the streets.. but you can’t take the street out of the girl..”
So as you read this you might be asking the following questions..
- Was there a happy ending to this story?
- I wish there was..
- Do we have women like this in Russia?
- Are they in the majority?
- Thankfully No.. I feel that they are a smaller minority… But nonetheless they are a LOUD minority because they have a real need to brag about themselves and to show-off how “Americanized” they are from the rest.. not in the funny innocent way that is common and charming.. but in the slanderous contemptuous way that makes you immediately think.. “What’s wrong with this girl?”
- Do these women turn into Feminists?
- In extreme cases you will have a small percentage of these girls actually becoming just another angry American Feminist. So this is why finding a Girl with a good identity is so important. It’s only because of this “loudness” that it is worth taking the time to take note of who they are and to sort out fact from fiction in terms of what the larger population of Russian women are like.. or are not like..
- How do I look out for them?
- Read my previous post on how to evaluate the Emotional Maturity Level of a Woman.
- Be especially aware of any misplaced accusation being directed from one Russian girl to another.. Because more then likely you are actually witnessing a classic psychological phenomena called “Projection” which simply means that they viciously accuse other girls of doing EXACTLY the same things that they have totally done themselves in order to secure their residency status in US or the West.
- Realize that any girl that starts with a solid, happy and positive identity here in Russia will keep that identity intact overseas. Be aware of what her relationship is like with her family… especially her father if she had one around. I actually have a friend who is a behavioral expert and a professional hypnotherapies. He tells me that the very first thing he always finds out about a girl he might date is what her relationship with her father was like. To him it’s really that simple.. Green Light or Red Light..
Although there are always exceptions with women who have risen above any difficulties.. obviously the happier and more peaceful her overall upbringing was the better everything will be for you and her.
Now that you’ve read what to look out for let me share with you one other insight.
The concept of “Losing Face” is something that I only thought existed in Asian cultures. Well I was wrong.. because it firmly exists within the ancient cultural norms for Russian Women as well. This issue of shame is a BIG DEAL amongst them and I could easily devote a few chapters on this subject alone.
For now I just want you to know that although Shame may be an unpleasant emotion it serves as a key driver for both positive and negative behaviors amongst Russian Women.. It’s generally positive when it’s acknowledged and out in the open because it’s more balanced with their natural sense of “Self-Pride” and drives them to want higher standards for themselves.
It’s completely negative when the shame is buried which in turn drives a pathological need “to be” or “to look” perfect at all costs.. This is when the lying and the deception starts kicking in. And even though every girl knows that lying is “bad”.. to girls who are in denial about themselves.. looking “bad” in their minds is a far worse crime.
So can you see how the emotion of shame could be easily aggravated for any girl from a not so great home who also grew up in near poverty?
Can you imagine what her thinking is like when she goes to another country and sees millions of other women who are “wealthy” by her previous standards?
Can you see how a small percentage of these girls would want to disassociate or cut down other girls coming over from the same background?
Or ESPECIALLY to cut down the Men who wish to be with these other Women?
(of course the twisted irony is that she has the same type of Western Men in her life as well)
My Russian Guy friends in Moscow also tell me that this type of attitude is noticeable with a number of girls who come from poorer parts of the country to live and work in Russia’s biggest city. They actually have a name for this and call it.. “The Moscow Effect”.
You starting to get the big picture?
So Finally.. in a nutshell all you really need to be most aware of is to just look out for any Russian girl living either here or there who answers the following page..
“Paging Miss Ego.. Please pick up the nearest white courtesy telephone…”
“Paging Miss Contempt.. Please pick up the nearest white courtesy telephone…”
And if you hear a woman picking up the receiver and answering…
Just make sure you hang up and walk away..