A few days ago I received an email from a friend out of Southern California.
Let’s call him Jim.
Jim was one of the first guys I ever knew who had enough guts to travel to Russia to look for a wife.
His email was a refreshing reminder of something that is a hot topic in this blog… and that is simply how realistic it is for any Man to have a wife who is significantly younger then him.
But before we talk about what was in his email..
Let’s talk a little about his adventure in Russia first..
Jim is a successful man in his mid 40’s and had been in and out of the singles scene with the “California Girls” that were supposed to offer him a slice of heaven but delivered dating hell instead.
Somewhere along the way he got wise to his situation and realized that he needed to seriously “expand his horizons”.
Luckily for him..
When Jim first arrived in Siberia over 3 years ago he basically experienced the closest thing to Love at First site that I had ever heard of.
Because after dealing with a long series of frustrating dates with a woman who clearly wasn’t right for him he was ready to give up and go home. He was in the process of making arrangements to go home early when he walked into my friend’s office and saw a young lady who just immediately floored him with her shy beauty and gentle energy.
Let’s call her Helen.
Helen was a 20 year old brunette originally from Kazakhstan with long legs, a slender frame, piercing eyes with a face that could launch a thousand ships..
Jim’s assumptions of Russian Women based on his previous bad dates was just about to get thrown out the window.
Along with his early departure plans..
While the previous girl he dated kept Jim hanging on a thread and certainly had a more materialistic agenda..
Helen clearly only wanted to find true love.
And from the little that I know about her past and of her family history..
I can certainly understand why she placed everything on the line especially her heart and soul towards realizing this dream..
And when this chance encounter with Jim took place.. this particular day was about to become the luckiest day of her life..
Because Jim was completely ready to help her realize her fondest dream..
Shakespeare probably could have been quoted to describe this moment as the butterfly’s fluttered in and out of them..
And as two shy hello’s led to two glowing gazes..
The hand fit the glove..
The rightful king just pulled the sword out of the stone..
And a proposal was made and accepted within days..
Jim still had to return home but he would be back as soon as he could to claim his bride.
And to claim his future..
I remember seeing Jim around this time..
He was a mild mannered man with a mild mannered appearance..
Typical for what you’d expect for a middle aged man..
But from that moment on something must have “clicked” inside of him.
I personally think that he realized the awesome responsibility he was about to take on along with the equally awesome opportunity he was going to have for a great life.
And I’m sure he wanted this new joyous ride to last for a very very long time..
Fast forward about a year later..
Jim is on his 3rd visit to Russia and although he is now married to Helen he is still waiting on the Immigration restrictions that came with 9-11 to clear everything so that he can bring her home..
I get a surprise call from him and the 3 of us decide to meet in a popular local pub..
When I walked into the joint.. the man who was staring me in the face and greeting me was not the same mild mannered middle aged chap that I had known before..
Because the man sitting in front of me now could have passed for a professional athlete.
Muscular, lean, tanned with a completely different image to match..
Think of a taller version of Sylvester Stallone with a muscle shirt and a black beret on his head and you will get the idea.
Wow Jim.. What the HELL Happened to you!
Oh I just decided that I needed to start working out a bit.. Helen is so much younger then me and I knew it would be important for me to keep up with her in the long run..
Helen was just smiling away and listening.
It was clear that she was also happy about all of this..
But here’s the interesting point with what I observed..
She wasn’t necessarily happy about his chiseled new looks..
She was more happy that HE Was Happy with creating his new look.. for her.
Once this realization hit me I remembered a classic short story by O’ Henry called “The Gift of the Magi”.
A deeply in love but young and poor couple both sacrifice something that they each treasure in exchange for some money to buy Christmas presents for each other.
The man sells his treasured time piece to buy a brush for his girl since she has very long and beautiful hair..
While the girl cuts her hair and sells it to a wig maker to buy a jewelry chain for her man’s watch..
You see.. Jim wanted to sacrifice his old lifestyle to create a new vibrant Man for his wife.
On the other hand Helen sacrificed the usual expectations any typical Western Woman would have on trying to “change” her husband.
And this created a natural and loving bond where they both wanted to give their best to each other unconditionally.
I knew right then that in-spite of any differences that Jim and Helen may have had between them age wise..
Their marriage was going to work out just fine..
They are simply blesssed with a high level of gratitude that they hold for each other.
So remember Jim’s email that I mentioned at the start?
It was basically a simple hello and a confirmation of the great joy and happiness he was having with a woman that was over 20 years younger along with the fact that their relationship was going strong.
Jim also mentioned that they were taking their latest adventure by driving up to San Francisco for the first time.
So whenever I hear accusations from what I consider to be jealous Feminists arguing against the viability of such love..
I just think of Jim in his classic little 2 seater sports coupe driving along the beautiful California coast line with Helen besides him..
And I’m sure they were both just smiling all the way to Frisco..
(click to read part 1 or part 2)
Russian Women - The Real Truth 
February 4, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Hello Rw! This is Kara.
Love this post, I’m happy for your friend Jim. Something like that does not happen to anyone usually, but luckily for him, the clouds spilt open and the angels took pity on him!
Just letting you know I’ve started my own blog on my thoughts on femminism and pro male viewpoints from a female perspective. I’ve added you since you are a big aspect of my change from femminism to actual women tendancies.
thanks!
February 4, 2007 at 10:47 pm
The FSU woman I had been dating is half my age, and younger than my children. As stubborn as I am, though I needed no ones approval, and my children had no objections to this woman and my care for her.
My desire is to be with an adult woman. I look for beauty, self respect, intelligence, and the key to age difference is a balance of maturity and wisdom.
February 5, 2007 at 12:18 am
Hello all:
I am curious after reading “rw_man under” post about who he is and where are you from RW. I am living in Canada. I am divorced unfortunately and would like to find a Russian wife. Any advice for me? Drop me an email whomever can help me out.
Harry
February 5, 2007 at 12:48 am
Thanks for passing on your friend’s story. Think I may have to reconsider decent women who are noticably younger than my 45 years.
February 5, 2007 at 11:20 am
Another excellent post GL. Inspiring and uplifting in the romantic sense. I hope you realize the romantics out here that read, listen and imagine the future with the desire for love and true sharing with a wonderful and kind woman. Not the standard North American fare.
Thanks again and keep up the good work. Many of us may be silent most of the time, but keep tabs on you and are encouraged by your positive thoughts and sincere wish for all men to just be in a happy and satisfying relationship.
😉
Canajun
February 5, 2007 at 4:06 pm
It’s a great story. I love the “shy glances”, which I’ve seen happen many times. Even if nothing comes of them, it’s at least a nice feel-good moment for both people, something that’s almost extinct in the West.
Out of curiosity, had jim ever been married before?
February 5, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Hi Kara,
Thanks for notifying us on your new blog.. Congratulations are in order here. I saw the link you put up for me so I’ll be sure to do the same for you as well.
BTW I’m honored that i’ve been able to have a positive impact on your decision to move forward with this.. I’m sure you will be quite ground breaking and controversial.. but then again that is a good position
to set yourself apart with right off the bat now ain’t it? 🙂
Again.. Good Job Kara..
February 5, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Ceiver,
I agree.. Like I’ve said in an earlier post.. take the age of any Russian Girl and add 10 years to it to get a better estimate of her maturity level.. Good to hear you are doing well.. GL
February 5, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Yes Shy Glances are not to be underestimated here..
These women have the world’s greatest radar when it comes to detecting the slightest signs of interest and intent.
Yes Jim was married before and has a daughter that is nearly his wife’s age.. thankfully his daughter is supportive. don’t know if I can say the same about his ex-wife.. he he he he 😉
February 5, 2007 at 5:36 pm
So .. how long are you and Kara going to keep us in the dark about where to find her blog? 🙂 Or am I missing something?
February 5, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Sorry.. here it is.. 🙂
http://lovesfool.wordpress.com/
lets give Kara here as much support as humanly possible.. she’s got her first post up and lets hope that many more are to follow..
You can never be too thin.. too rich.. or have too much ammo right? 😉
February 5, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Thanks. I’m loaded for mongoose. Just kidding! I’m sure Kara’s gentle touch will keep things very civilized.
February 5, 2007 at 7:10 pm
For anyone using Firefox – I found an extension calls NewsFox that puts an RSS reader right in your browser. It’s pretty handy. You can keep it open in one tab while surfing in other tabs, and just glance at it once in awhile. You can find it at http://newsfox.mozdev.org .
(sorry if this is old news to everyone but me!)
February 5, 2007 at 10:45 pm
I can totally relate to Jim’s story. I am a 45 year old native Californian and I have a 22 year old Ukrainian fiancée. I always do my best to stay fit and trim. In the beginning I was dead set against a relationship with a 22 year old “girl”. But she insisted that she was a very mature woman and that love was the most important thing to her. She persisted, so I thought why not put aside my preconceived notions about what makes a lasting relationship. I must say that, personally I have found that there is a real difference in the maturity level of Russian/FSU women and California girls in general. Let me be blunt, THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN MATURITY LEVEL. You must experience it to understand what I am saying. My fiancée has already struggled on her own, without the help of mommy and daddy, for 4 years and her persona is not filled with that MTV teen idol, giddy talk and mannerism of women her age here in California. She has never asked me for a penny and when I offered, she flat out refused. To make a long story short, recently my fiancée was awarded her visa and as a result, I am traveling to Odessa on Thursday, February 8, to accompany her back to the states so we can marry and begin our new life. Of course most of my family and friends think I am crazy and that I will be taken advantage of by this “mail order bride”. I was even told by, what I believe to be a feminist, that the only reason I would possibly want a Russian woman was because I was not capable of getting a “real” woman from the US. This woman was overweight and dressed in what could best be described as baggy bag woman clothes. She was 47 and divorced. She vehemently shouted that she “could afford to be picky” with men! She is going to be waiting a very long time. I just laughed and told her that it was women like her who inspired me to look beyond the states. I would be lying if I said that I was not apprehensive about bringing my fiancée to the US, but so far we’re very happy. Besides, what man wouldn’t be happy with a smart 22 year old, slim, 5’8” blue-eyed beauty, dressed to kill, who believes family and love are to be cherished above all?
February 6, 2007 at 2:18 am
I’ve just watched “Most”, a short Czech film written by William Zabca (the bully in Karate Kid). Sad story, but I found one scene amusing.
camera follows father carrying son along a train platform, pans past many beautful women,(verifies RW claims of beautiful women),
and captures the following young lady with a nerdy looking guy..
Young lady: “Im sorry… you are a nice boy, but I am too beautiful for you Brad from America. Do you want one more kiss before I go?”
Brad: “Are you kidding?”
Which one of you guys is Brad?
Another quick scene had a woman close a window while a young man was pleading with her from the street. This scene reminds me of RW.
…Brad wasn’t finished.
February 6, 2007 at 5:54 am
MrJoeO,
Congratulations! I wish you and your future bride all the best. I am 45 and my Russian wife is 35. I have been happily married now for 2 years and I love her more with each passing day. I’m sure that you will do the same for your fiance.
February 6, 2007 at 6:38 am
Greetins MrJoeO,
Welcome aboard and thanks for contributing your great story and confirming what many of us have been saying about huge differences in maturity levels.
I’m very happy to hear that you are in the situation that you are in..
Personally I can’t wait to hear about when you start walking around town with this beauty and pissing off all of the other Women in town..
Oh and make sure you spread this joy and valuable information with your friends and any other man for that matter.
Cheers! GL
February 6, 2007 at 6:54 pm
I know a fair few men in Southern California who are very happily married to very happy Russians. These guys are brilliant, stable and loving, just the thing the local women claim to want but reject in reality. The Russians, on the other hand… are wonderful.
February 6, 2007 at 7:53 pm
Hi Peregrine John,
Yes I’m sure that especially in So Cal.. these Russian Women offer the largest contrasts imaginable.. 🙂
February 7, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Dear folks,
I live in Russia, in Moscow. It’s nice to hear some happy stories about love and romance in Russia. I’ve lived here for over a year, and after living in 8 other countries. I’m sick of the feminist beliefs all over the world. It’s also what is cursing Russia. That’s why I’ve planned on getting out. Don’t believe the lies you read on the internet about lots of available Russian women. They exist in your fantasy world.
Sorry to blow the myth away.
February 7, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Hi Stuart,
That’s exactly why I’ve told guys NOT to go to Moscow to look for a potential wife. I wrote a post on this very subject.
I can certainly understand your perspective if you live in the Megatropolis that Moscow is but what you are saying simply is not True for the rest of Russia.
I would strongly encourage you to spend some time in the provincial cities and regions like I have if you want to see this for yourself.
Thanks for joining us and Good Luck..
GL
February 8, 2007 at 1:22 am
Stuart, as RW_man has said, as Natalia will tell you, and anyone else who’s spent enough time in Russia to know this will tell you Moscow is to Russia what Paris is to France. In both cases, these cities are almost like a country, in a country. They are not representative culturally of the country as a whole. Yes, there are cultural differences American men would have to bridge when it comes to Russian women. My grandmother was a Russian woman, so I know what you’re up against. The language barrier can be a problem, that is why it pays to learn basic Russian before going there. My mother learned it and visited the former Soviet Union in the mid 60’s, and she’s born and raised in Middle America. People are people wherever you go, and Russians are no different in that they have the same hopes, dreams and fears as we do. Big cities are in general lousy places to meet women, whatever the country. I had better luck in smaller towns that I ever did in cities, and I’ve yet to venture outside the U.S. RW_Man’s right, the folks in the smaller towns and cities, and the countryside will be very different from Moscow’s residents. Good luck, and don’t give up the ship.
Taras
February 10, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Hello
my american husband is 35 years older than me and we have a baby!
But I am writing for another purpose. If you plan on marrying a woman from elswhere, be prepared for the immigration interview. The immigration officer based all his interview on the question: how can we prove, that we live together and how am I going to prove, it’s not a marriage for interest.
And he asked if we have some common financial affairs, and that’s the tricky part. For a long time I didn’t own a credit card, I gave money to my husband not the opposite, we didn’t create a joint savings…So the officer asked if he wrote his last will in my favor. I wanted to say that I don’t expect him to die soon. Anyway I thought that the best proof that I don’t marry him for interest is the fact that I don’t recieve money from him but here the immigration thinks the opposite.
So if you plan on marrying, from day one: keep every proof of what you are doing: keep museum tickets, plane tickets, take pictures together in front of every monument, keep a record of everything, they will be asking you about it.
Now we had a child, so the immigration finally believed, we do live together:-)
February 10, 2007 at 3:04 pm
Wow, Vendula, 35 years??? I’m speechless (that’s not to say that I disapprove-far from it!) Would love to hear more of your story.
February 10, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Welcome aboard Vendula,
Thanks for giving us your great advice on keeping track of important things like that.
And of course I wanted to congratulate you on your wonderful new baby with your husband! Please write to us some more about your experiences and insights.
Cheers! GL
February 12, 2007 at 3:56 am
Hello Hero,
my husband didn’t travel up to Prague to meet me. I came on a student visa. I met him on the campus of a univeristy where he is teaching. He has one son, who is older than me. His son is very nice. Actually it’s easier to inherit a grown child. The toughest must be to marry to somebody who has a teenager. The wife of his son is “a tipical American woman” mildly put. But till she doesn’t scream at me, I don’t care. I see tham once a year.
It’s a cultural accomodation, people who are “country club style” are very different from what I knew. I usually solve it by politely saying “yes maaam”, “yesssir” and give my agreement to everyting they say, especially women, because they rule everyting in this country. Sorry to put it this way, but it’s true.
About the immigration, it’s true for anybody. Even if there is no age difference, try to build evidence, keep records of everything. If the evidence is sufficient (like a child)
you’ll have to go for only one interview, otherwise, there are two interviews within about three years.
February 12, 2007 at 10:07 am
HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!
I want to present to your attention A CONFESSION OF A RUSSIAN GIRL, WHO ACTUALLY LIVES THERE.
First of all, don’t you think that all Russian girls are waiting all there life for an American dude twice there age to merry him. And probably they won’t ask that much as American girls do, but still they do care about money too.
Every normal Russian girl wants to find a young handsome well-off Russian guy. But unfortunately it’s A VERY HARD TUSK and it can turn into a life-time quest. Probably that’s the reason why we are ready to marry a foreigner.
I’m 21 and I had a chance to marry an American who was more than 10 years older than me. I was stupid enough to think that this marriage could be a success and careless enough to make him think so. He really was the best match for any girl – nice, caring, honest and loyal. Moreover, he was crazy about me even though we had never really gone out or dated. He was calling me when I had to go back to Russia asking me to come back, giving most unbelievable promises, saying that I was the prettiest girl he had ever met…. Who wouldn’t give in? I almost did. Fortunately the American embassy didn’t give me visa – just in time when I realized that I’m not ready to marry and go abroad, leaving everything I know and love here – my family, my school, me future career after all.
But the main reason that stopped me was that I wasn’t sure that in couple of years I won’t leave him for a younger man – that would kill him. I loved him in my own way and didn’t want to hurt him.
Of course when he learned that I wasn’t coming he was just furious and he never called me again.
But the most surprising fact was that almost all my girlfriends tried to persuade me to marry him in order to get a Green Card. That would be so cruel and mean!
SO, don’t you think that finding a bride in Russia much younger then you are is going to be easy. Probably it will be easy if the girl is from some poor family and if she has no chances of finding an appropriate Russian husband. And don’t let them to use you to get a Green Card. SOME, NOT ALL of them may try to do it.
The best advice anyways is TO TRY TO FIND SOMEBODY YOUR AGE.
February 12, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Hi Vendula,
I visited Prague back in August of 2002. I didn’t get to see much of the city because I arrived the day before the flooding started, but what little I saw was awesome. Plus I met a girl there who was 11 years younger than I was who seemed to like me just fine.
February 12, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Kate,
Why are almost all of your girlfriends “cruel and mean”? Have you ever heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”?
February 12, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Hi Kate,
You live in Russia and you want to find a qualified husband who is 21 years old like yourself?
Good Luck!
After reading your post I honestly feel that you are being less then forthright with your agenda here.
Especially after your GF’s tell you to go for a green card (which you claim your rejected) but you still decide to go to the embassy for a visa eventhough you already knew that either you weren’t ready for a marriage or that you didn’t have enough feelings for this man who wanted to bring you over..
And now you want to warn us against Women who want to exploit men for a green card?
Kate I hope you realize that something doesn’t sound right here..
In Fact it all sounds VERY fishy to me..
As far as you wanting a man who is your same age..
Why don’t we wait a few years when you are 25 or 26 to see how you’ll feel about this post and at that point we can reevaluate your whole attitude towards these types of relationships then.
Good Luck
GL
February 12, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Kate, I think that if you read all the posts and comments here, you’ll find that
– Very few are looking for a girl half their age.
– All recognize that a better life, which in part means more money, is a motivation for Rusian girls to seek foreign men – and that that alone doesn’t make them golddiggers.
– There are scammers and green card girls out there, this is a well-known phenomenon to be wary of.
And older men marrying younger women, within a reasonable range, has a long tradition throughout history and across cultures, and can be advantageous to both. In fact, it’s often the ideal match for many reasons.
BTW, a 30-year-old guy who hardly knows you but promises you the world because he thinks you’re pretty, then gets furious and cuts off contact when you decide not to turn your life upside down based on that, hardly sounds like “the best match for any girl.”
February 16, 2007 at 4:49 am
Kate, I concur with the others. Expecting a man to have his own home by 25 is not just realistic, and younger men are getting themselves started in the work world, are in the military, or other situations not that conducive to marriage. Older men usually, but not always are. Women here in my country have totally unrealistic expectations of men that are unfortunately spreading to yours. That aside, I for one wouldn’t want to be with a woman young enough to be my daughter, but 10 or 15 years younger is about right. If I marry someone, it would be for the purpose of raising children, not shacking up. I’m 40 years old and there’s no reason for me to marry a woman the same age as myself. As for this guy youn were refering to, he was not the right one for you. I think deep down inside, you sensed it and did what your gut instincts, correctly told you. Don’t marry him that is. I wouldn’t marry a woman just for a green card anymore than I would want a woman marrying me for getting green card. And yes, I am the son of a Ukrainian whose mother was Russian. I know about the culture in Ukraine and Russia from my father and his relatives, even though I do not speak the language, nor have I been there yet. I can tell you this however, the streets here are not paved with gold, and you’ll find the economic and political situation here is deteriorating. If you’re going to marry an American man, you’d be better off I think marrying one who’s willing to learn your language and culture, and teach you his. That way, you’ll be better off and so will your children too even though there are large Russian communities here.
Taras
February 17, 2007 at 5:32 pm
I wrote yesterday, got a request for more information. I have been contacted by a 32 year old woman from Russia via a personal site. At first it seemed like one of the scams that I have read about. This woman is a knock out and she has sent a number of photos, and we have communicated a number of times via e-mail. She has explained that she is working with an agency in Moscow to get a work visa and has NOT asked for any money (would not send even if do, wasn’t born yesterday). She has told me about her past and the living conditions in the region of Russia she lives in. How many of the men are drunks and is basically not very family orientated much like some of what is said on the web site. Work is taught to get and she lives in a remote part of Central Russia, so she wants to leave.
I have read most of the articles on this site and what I am asking is this all real? Is it that bad over there for these women and should I take this serious!
I’m no dummy, there are a ton of scams out there and I have my concerns about all of this, but to this point she seems sincere.
What are your recommendations or how to proceed?
She has explained that she has a girlfriend that has come to America on this work visa some time ago and she wants to do the same. Her girlfriend has met a nice man and is planning on marriage.
Don’t know anything about the work visa system and do you have any ideas on what to do next?
Bill
February 17, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Hi Bill,
How did you meet her.. on an American Dating site? How did she decide to contact you? Why did she contact you as opposed to the millions of other guys on the net..
These are key questions you should think about. Age difference wise I don’t see a problem but i’m going to reserve any judgment until I hear more.
Also it is hard as hell for a Russian Woman to get a “cold” work visa especially if she’s never been to the US before. This will also greatly depend on her level of education and what technical and or professional certifications and working title position she has.
Good Luck..
GL
February 17, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I asked her the very same questions. She said it was she desired to come to a warm location. I live in Central Florida, can’t get much warmer than that. There is “0” unemployment here, if you want a job there is one! and people who can speak multiplal languages are hired quickly. She has said she has a degree from a university in physical therapy. Again I know little about the Russian education system, but when I ask the questions I get well suited explanations. Again I do not know what to believe, but after reading the articles on this site, she could be very real or maybe not.
The age difference is 19 years, but by your articles, that seems right in line.
I hear from here everyday, and like I have said there is no mention of money, just have a ton of questions about here, what to expect, and so on. I guess only time will tell.
I will keep in touch on what happens and thank you for your response.
Bill
February 17, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Bill even if she were to “find” a job where you live it’s not simple matter for her to get a work visa especially if the field she is in is not high technology, engineering or sciences for example.
So again my primary concern is how is she expecting to get in under these circumstances and how did you two encounter each other.
The 2 only ways she can get in quickly would be for her to either have a finance’ visa or already be married to an American in Russia. But in either case obviously that means that you or someone else needs to travel to her first.
Good Luck..
GL
February 18, 2007 at 9:42 pm
I did have a friend who came from Bulgaria on a work visa program specifically for Lifeguard in Atlantic City, and I believe it was only for 6 months. Other’s I have known have come to work in hotel and restaurants in nearby summer tourist area, again only for short 6 months.
Another alternative is a student visa, by applying at universities.
Corporate sponsored work visas are as describe above for high tech fields.
A fiancee visa allows a 90 day visit to marry, but I believe this requires a visit to the girl in her country first.
February 19, 2007 at 3:12 am
Hi Ceiver,
Thanks for the comment but I should clarify some points.
The work visa program is only for university students who are only in their 2 or 3 year.. They will not allow students in their final year over into the US knowing full well that there is a much higher chance they will try to stay and violate the original terms of their Visa.
There is no way a 30 something woman can be a part of this program unfortunately.
The Work Visa program for students grants them 3 months only. Some students have successfully lobbied for an extension for a few extra months as well.
GL
February 22, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Last year I started seeking a Russian woman for a wife. I am 44 and thought that a 40 year old woman would be ideal. Sadly the one I chose was a goldigger and so I started to look for a younger woman. I also think that at this age they are too ingrained in their homeland and I believe it would be very difficult for an older RW to leave her country. I am now in contact with two potential wives and they are both 29 and incredibly mature. They say that men of their own age are irresponsible and so they respect older men. I am going to see one of them next month.
February 22, 2007 at 10:55 pm
I wish you the best of luck English Gentlelman. Let us know how it worked out.
February 23, 2007 at 2:20 am
to english_gentleman
I had the same concern that an older woman would be set in her homeland and harder still if she had older children to leave behind.
February 27, 2007 at 1:42 pm
On the other hand, when I talk with Mom about her students (now that she’s in the picture of our Ukrainian-American marriage agency startup), she usually tells about this or that wonderful young lady (stunning beautiful, honest, intelligent, …) and sighs that all these girls are brave and optimistic in their hopes to have a nice man, a nice job and a beautiful life.
Many of them are involved in relationships with guys of same age. It may be (1) a blind crush, (2) a noble love for This Very Person, (3) a take of what is offered by surrounding life, (4) a hope to raise herself a successful husband out of a good guy, or (5) a conventional relationship in want of a “real man”.
Cases 1, 2, 4 (often 2=4) are out of the dating fair.
1 and 3 may be kicked into it several years later (unfortunately, all the rest may be as well).
5 are an interesting case. Training to be women… Extending benevolence, grace or pity… Escaping the stigma of being alone, or the feeling of loneliness… Having fun together… Not considering themselves in a Relationship… Bottom line – available as brides. Treading on the earth, not on the clouds beneath the crystal tower, and sincerely wondering why some “princes” would seek for “frogs” around as a dealbreaker.
Just another 2 cents.
Sincerely,
Comrade Natalia
February 27, 2007 at 2:05 pm
…brave and optimistic in their hopes to have a nice man, a nice job and a beautiful life IN THEIR NATIVE COUNTRY, I meant.
Feels like I’ve put it all too metaphorical. )) What I wanted to say is that girls aren’t easy to get, and that it’s not unusual when that “princess” looking for a “prince” has a non-satisfactory boyfriend or wooer (“frogs” around). Which fact does not necessarily disqualify her as a “witch”. ))
March 1, 2007 at 7:02 pm
WoW God bless you Guys for ever. I am a very romantic guy and I like and enjoy that kind of romantic stories. These kind of romantic stories besides the beauty of Russian ladies are so better. Thanks.
April 6, 2007 at 9:15 am
Hi all !! Been reading your thoughts here and Im in a similar situation as others here. I met a Russian girl 20 yrs my younger in a chatroom about a year ago. She and I hit it off very good from the start. My wife of 20yrs had died from illness about 8 months before I met her. Anyway, We talk everyday on one of the internet messengers cam to cam and we truly have fallen in love with each other. I went to Russia for the first time last month to meet her and we spent 10 awesome days together. After coming home (which was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life) and evaluating our relations and relationship I asked her to marry me. She said YES !! But now, instead of her coming to USA to share her life with me, she wants ME to move to Russia. And I would in a second if not for all my roots. I have a great job, am a homeowner, local family and kids and I really would have a hard time leaving all that. She says she would never be able to leave her Russian home. She works, is a university student and takes care of her mother and younger brother in her spare time and is very close to them. So, here we are, some 6300 miles apart. I am so distraught on what I should do. I want to convince her to come here and she does want to but says she couldn’t stay. Am I being selfish if I tell her the same she has told me about relocating my life?
Any thoughts or comment would be appreciated and oh…sorry to be so lengthy.
April 6, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Hi JJMAXFLI,
At least you know that your girlfriend isn’t just planning to use you for a green card.
Other than that, I couldn’t really advise you but I sincerely hope that you’ll be able to make the right choice.
Your dilemma is the reason I don’t plan on buying a house. I want to be prepared to leave the USA.
April 7, 2007 at 1:28 am
to JJMAXFLI,
I fully understand your delemma.
Are your children old enough to be on their own?
Do you speak enough Russian to work in Russia and support a family? (or a job where you can speak English)
Does she want children with you?
Without knowing this and other questions others here may ask then my only advice at this time would be to invite her to USA on the fiance visa. Share some more time together here. That could be a 90 day stay to help her make choices.
April 7, 2007 at 2:34 am
Hi JJMAXFLI,
Welcome Aboard,
It sounds to me as if her mother and brother are very dependent on her. If that is the case then you might need to make sure you can support them by sending money so that your GF can get married to you and live in the States. I would have that conversation and see how it goes. Good Luck
GL
April 7, 2007 at 11:06 am
Hi again all…thanks for the tips. And yes, she DOES want to have kids with me and my kids (actually are stepchildren from my first marriage) both are married and have their own homes and families. Unfortunately, I dont speak hardly any russian but she speaks English well. We are planning for her to come here this summer for at least a couple of weeks if she can get a visa. Hadn’t considered the Fiance visa. I know its hard to get visa’s to come to USA these days. Is the fiance visa any easier to get than tourist visa? And maybe thats a good idea to suggest to her that we can help her mom and brother from here. I will suggest that to her for sure. And “HERO”…your right about the green card thing…I have voluntarily sent her money a few times to help her but she has NEVER asked me for a nickel…Im 100% sure she is on the up and up with me and her love for me is real. I’m just so upset and confused about what to do. Thanks everybody for the welcome and the tips !!!
April 7, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Hi JJMAXFLI,
Do you have enough money saved so that you can live in Russia without a job for a while? Maybe you can spend some time there and learn Russian. You could become fluent in a few months, and then you could try to find a job.
April 10, 2007 at 8:07 am
FLUENT in Russian in a FEW MONTHS? At the level sufficient for a family-supporting JOB? Starting in [40smth]? Show me such a man and I’ll hurl down in homage, like a godworshipper at those Egyptian frescoes! Hero, it’s top naive to fancy this – only unless you are already a polyglot who’s been collecting languages. Ain’t too common all around.
The idea of getting married in the modern high-tech high-speed way, however romantic, evokes a reasonable feeling that you still haven’t learned each other enough (especially for restarting one’s life – especially being a more vulnerable party which she definitely considers herself to be), so this proposal-acceptance is something like “Protocol of Intent”.
It would be a wise way to check commitments if you discuss what job or business can you realistically have at her location, what are the terms and conditions of them, and how your future lives shall develop – is she any supportive in your research? is she ready to make long-reaching plans? Or has it been a gentle retreat?
Anyway, she is probably determinate to accomplish her studies, so that to be able to choose countries and occupations, and feel confident. This time has to be lived.
And some parts of it lived together, to see if both can accommodate to each other and to the environment. Dating is a genre different from family routine rehearsal!
As for her relatives, relocating them is an option.
With best wishes,
Comrade Natalia
April 10, 2007 at 2:09 pm
I stand corrected 😳
April 11, 2007 at 8:40 pm
OK so I am back from my second trip to find my future life partner and unfortunately this woman was not the one. We had a wonderful week however, but there was just no chemistry there between us. I am greatful to her however. She organised an apartment and we toured her country, seeing the major cities. JJMAXFLI I am pleased for you. I can understand your concerns, my advice would be to be strong and trust your instincts.
April 15, 2007 at 5:37 am
Hi again to all. Thanks so much for your comments and suggestions. Natalia, you are soooo right about learning the Russian language. I don’t know if I could EVER speak it fluently. It may not be, but it sounds and looks so complicated. But I guess, people of other languages feel the same about English too. About the employment in Russia thing, she has of course told me that she would help with the language and finding employment. But I just dont know if I could be able to provide for her the life she deserves and needs there like I KNOW I can here. As far as her education, I would never ask her to stop that for me. That is so important to her. I would be curious however how she would do in one of our colleges. English Gentleman, Im glad you said “follow your instincts” because thats also what my dad told me. Im so sorry that your ventures didnt turn out the way you had hoped they would. My instincts tell me not to just jump into this, have more “in person” meetings (be them here or in Russia…doesnt matter), bide our time, and make plans as we go. She also feels the same way. Our first meeting was truly love at first sight. But who knows about the next and the next and so on. All I know is that all I can do is think about her and want her every minute of every day and from what I know about life, that usually means “love”.
So again to all, thanks for the input and advice. And oh, any input on visas to USA whether for tourism, fiance, student or otherwise would be appreciated. Thanks Again !!!
April 30, 2007 at 5:53 am
Becoming your best possible self for your best possible girl…
Your friend sounds like he gets it. And I agree with him totally. Totally.
It’s a real buzz to be “in it” —the transformer man journey. I used to care a long time ago. And now I couldn’t be pried from it from it with a crowbar.
Every possible area…
April 30, 2007 at 6:01 am
Whenever I meet new people and they ask, I make them guess. Just for the heck of it.
The average is about 15 less and as much as 20.
Which is generally fine in my past. However, the irony is that she also looks extremely young for her age too. God threw me a curve.
When I saw one of her photo’s I asked if this was when she was about 19. She had no makeup. She said that she was about 29 in it. OMG!
Can you say “turning it up a notch”? Damm.
August 22, 2007 at 12:02 am
Hi All, If I may I would like to provide you with some information based on my own experience in the courtship and marriage of a Russian (Tartar) woman who is 29 years my junior.
Once the decision was made to marry and migrate to America a plan was devised to make this as efficient and painless as possible. My wife who was 44 had a PHD degree in Medicine and I was retired from a major computer services/manufacturer for 15 years and aged 72.
The visa problem was a no brainer..the fiancee visa had a 6 month waiting period and the marriage visa had a 3 month waiting period with extra expenses involved. Since we were both not getting any younger, we decided to get married in her homeland and apply for the marriage visa at the US embassy.
During her interview by the vice counsel of the embassy the tone of the person conducting the interview was like being on the witness stand as a defendant in a murder trial..I witnessed this for about 10 minutes and in no uncertain terms notified the vice counsel that if the interview continued in this manner that I would report her to the State Department for harassment and that she would be hearing from my congressman and senator. I asked for her name and identification information and told her that I would step to the side and not witness any more of the interview but once it was completed I would return and ask her for her assessment of the interview and I warned her that my wife would have her eating out of her hand at the completion of the interview.
My point is that these bureaucrats can only push you around if you allow them to push you around. To shorten the story, my wife received her visa almost 3 months to the day and 2 weeks after she entered the USA she received a green card and a SS number. She received a conditional visa and 3 months prior to it’s expiration she must apply for permanent residence which should be no problem.
When she entered the USA she left behind her 19 year old son and her elderly mother who I agreed to support for a 2 year period after which she should be able to work and provide support for them…she is learning English and how to drive and is a very proficient student.
The lesson to be learned here is that when you marry a Russian woman in most cases you also marry their family. The family tie is extremely strong and if you stand in the way of those lines you will not win that battle.
So knowledge is power and hopefully I have imparted to you some practical knowledge that will be useful in your search for the happiness that a Russian woman can bring to your life…
August 22, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Tom,
You robbed the cradle. My interest was in a FSU woman also 28 years younger…but she married another guy. We are still friends.
You give us hope. After your wife learns the language will she desire and be able to practice medicine here?
Will you make periodic trips to visit her family?
I’m glad for both of you. I wish you happiness.
August 24, 2007 at 3:20 am
Ceiver,
No, In her country physicians are basically civil servants and are some of the lowest paid people in the work force. She was earning $50.00 a month as a physician and opened a marriage agency and was earning $500.00 a month. She only practiced medicine for 14 years and has no desire to continue.
And no I will not make trips to her country but I will not interfere if she wishes to visit.
Thank you very much for the kind wishes…
December 28, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Very insightful site, now I understand more about Russian women and their culture. You see, I’m a 47 yr old Asian male, I’m not bad looking and very fit for my age. I just befriend with a 30 yr old beautiful Russian lady. She said she likes me a lot, and for the life of me I didn’t understand why a beautiful woman like her would interest in an older man like me, I told her she is way too young for me, and she insisted that she is not. After reading your site, now I see what she meant.
Thanks
December 30, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Your Welcome TK.
And I’m happy you have a new perspective on things regarding the lovely lady you are corresponding with.
Good luck to you both.
June 6, 2009 at 12:49 am
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