What was her Ex-husband THINKING?
This GUY was clearly NUTS to divorce the woman that I met today.
Some things in this world make no sense and this was clearly one of them…
I was visiting a friend at a local university and in the staff room was an absolutely beautiful and statuesque woman who was waiting for her next class. She was a Psychology Professor standing about 5′ 9″ with long blond hair and aqua-marine blue eyes.
She was taking a casual break before her next class and I decided to introduce myself and strike up a conversation.. come to find out that she speaks pretty decent English but is shy to converse in it as with most of the English speaking women in Russia.
In anycase I found myself immediately comparing her to a much more beautiful version of the movie actress Emma Thompson.
Her name was Lena.. and I was shocked to find a solitary gold ring on her left ring finger because for some reason I had assumed that a woman this beautiful was sure to be married.
Well she WAS..
But NOT today..
As we talked I found out that she was raising her 10 year old son by herself..
Nevertheless.. at the moment she mentioned him you could see a beam of joy coming from her eyes.
Since we both love psychology we naturally had something to talk about and Lena was filled with passion and depth for her subject.
She marvelled at the studies that she had researched and participated in.. and I marvelled at the grace and poise of her conversational skills. Underlying all of this was a real sense of modesty and even shyness that is quite common with the women here.
Bell rang.. she warmly smiled.. excused herself and went off to teach her lesson.
And if I had the time this was one lesson that I wish I didn’t have to miss..
Russian Women - The Real Truth 
September 10, 2006 at 4:10 pm
The man that divorced her is most likely gay.
September 10, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Or possibly he has rocks for brains, we cannot really know what happened. But the attitude she shows towards her son suggests the boy’s father really shot himself in the foot leaving her.
Taras
September 10, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Most likely the man initiated the divorce because there is a cornucopia of beautiful single and married women in Russia waiting and wanting some semblance of a responsible man, married or not, to establish a family. That is what happened to my wife. She found out too late that she married an irresponsible vodka-snorter who thinks the most important thing in life was where to get his next vodka fix and what woman to park his rod. What a piece of crap this guy is.
September 11, 2006 at 9:43 pm
Well, I don’t approve of this guy divorcing his wife, but his reason could have been that the wife had no time for him. I for one would never marry a professor (at least not an American professor) because they’re much too egotistical and career-centered.
September 12, 2006 at 1:17 am
Alot of academics marry within the academic field. So there is a great chance of her ex was an academic or was related in some way. Of course, I am only guessing.
I have met many professional Russian women who were happy to give up their careers for their families. The only difference between career girls from the West and Russia when raising families is the lack of PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE slights. Or in some, open hostilities.
One word of warning though, during downtime… be prepared to stimulate them. They are very educated, even the women who only went to secondary schools. Get acquainted with the local theaters, art museums, concerts and foreign film festivals. Different types of cuisines, especially any local Russian and Ukrainian restaurants.
City girls are going to have a hard time adjusting to small towns in the USA. So search for country girls or Russians in the other ‘stan’ republics. Most of their major cities have populations in the hundred thousands, but maintain their rural values. Same with many cities in the Russian Far East.
September 12, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Well, I was a professor for 6 years, and I would never marry another professor. For that matter, I wouldn’t marry a doctor, lawyer, engineer, manager, or any other woman with a demanding career. I think my best bet would be a woman with a liberal artsy type of degree, e.g. art, music, literature, or history.
September 13, 2006 at 3:20 am
Don’t forget nursing.
September 13, 2006 at 5:04 am
Good advice Joe..
I’ve met some stunning university professors here who are very family and husband oriented so overall it’s not an issue and in my mind quite the advantage if you are a bit of an intellectual yourself!
Cheers,
GL
September 13, 2006 at 11:34 am
Most American women regard men who are intellecuals threatening. It’s nice to see that is not the case in Russia, especially when one realizes just how dumbed down America is.
Taras
September 14, 2006 at 12:36 am
It is difficult for most guys in the West to understand there is a huge gulf of differences between women from the East and the West. Besides many professional Russian women are different from their Western counterparts. It also applies to single mothers in Russia. They are far more grounded in reality than their western counterparts.
Anyone who has lived in Russia will know this word: ĐОПОŃŃŃОК or Domostroy. It means ‘household management’. It was a manual for how a Russian house be maintain and it is dated around the 14th century. Now it is a bit rough and tyrannical in its ‘advice’. But the message is simple: The family is the backbone of Russian society. The manual isn’t TAKEN LITERALLY, but the message is clear on the importance of a traditional family structure. What is practiced is that their must be a head of the household(husband/father). Management of the house is conducted by the wife/mother. Now it will be modernized in this day and age. It matters on the individual woman.
Will all the women in Russia believe this literally? Most. All you have to do is talk to them about their future and dreams. How do they view relationships? Family life? Careers? What are the difference? Western women will recite lines about having it all from popular magazines, self help books and TV shows. The Russian woman’s eyes will light up. She will talk to you and not through you about her future. Something really simple, but profound.
September 14, 2006 at 12:45 am
I deeply offended one of my workmates (smoking hot Career Woman) yesterday, when I said.
“I am going to marry a positive, cheerful, happy Dorris day type woman and have a family in the ‘burbs”
what you want a domestic slave
“No I want someone who’ll be happy and positive around our children..I think by marrying a good wife / mother I am giving a gift to my unborn children”
Chunk!! that pretty much floored her.
September 14, 2006 at 1:46 am
Hi Joe,
Yes those differences in outlook are quite profound. You can talk to any young Russian girl and they all Universally look forward to becoming good mothers and wives. I’ve seen 10 year old Russian girls give more proper attention to their baby siblings then many Adult American women who often view their children as a pain in the ass.
It’s pretty amazing when you see a 10 to 12 year old girl carrying around her baby sister or brother on her hip just like her mother would.
September 14, 2006 at 1:54 am
Hi Max..
First off.. God bless you đ
Second.. We need more guys like you to take back the moral high ground in the open like you’ve done.
Third.. I probably would not have been so diplomatic as you were. đ But obviously you still crushed her because you hit her right where it hurts a feminist the most. You indirectly questioned her ability to be a good mother. I love it..
I personally would have questioned her ability to be a woman by saying..
No I don’t want to sleep with a woman who acts like a man..
Keep it up..
September 14, 2006 at 3:04 am
Unfortnately, the humanities field across colleges/universities in the USA is pretty much ruined by feminism. Any girls who have been studying liberal art stuff in American colleges are pretty brainwashed by feminism. I’d have to watch out for any girls who study liberal art in the USA.
My mom kept telling me again and again how professional women are being good wife/mother. I kept challenging against her arguments and tell her my ideal girl. Of course, she resorts to “you want a slave?” argument. My mom is a CPA and business owner. It is not worth my time talking with her about girls anymore. She doesn’t get it.
Because of my parents were very busy with their work and career throughout my life, I grew up learning to support myself and taking care of the house without my parents since I was an only child and being home alone a lot. I have gotten quite a lot of perspective on growing up with career-oriented parents.
I got to think quite a lot about this matter. From seeing what my mom went through in her own business and my dad still working a lot, I feel that I don’t want to have a wife like my mom. There’s nothing wrong about that, but I don’t want to live a life what I grew up with.
Imagine this scenario of having a professional and career-oriented wife:
I arrive home from work at 6:00PM from a very long day of working. I am so tired from working and the last thing in my mind is more rude and stressful encounters from people and environments… When I arrive home, I’d think like this… “My wife is…where is she? Oh, she must still be at Mega-corporation, tying up some loose ends there before she can come home. Or maybe she’s stuck in a traffic jam in the city. I hope she’s in a good mood when she gets home. Hopefully she isn’t too exhausted to do something fun by then. We could go for a walk after dinner. Wait, what am I having for dinner? There’s nothing to eat around this place. Hmm, I’d cook myself some steak and sauteed mushrooms & onions and some vegetables. Then, I hit the sack taking a nap while my wife is still out working.
That’s how I grew up seeing this kind of environment with my parents. What’s the point of having a career-oriented wife for a scenario like this? Why need a wife for this? Any single guys can live this kind of scenario without a wife.
Here’s another scenario, this time with a wife who doesn’t work outside:
Arriving home at 6:00 PM. I open the door. “HELLO (my name)!!” I get a big smile, big hug and kiss from the #1 person in my life. That would make my spine tingle. She then tells me, “I made you a great Borsche. And here are some sour cream for you, too.”
Now I can relax, and feel like I”m in a paradise while everything else is out of the window. We can both talk about something then doing something together. Then it’s a walk on the nature trail as the sun sets.
Now that is the way a home should be run, in my opinion.
Looking back in my life, I will not marry any of those girls who are working in competitive profession such as lawyers, business, managers, engineers, professors or scientists. I just want a companion, not a competitor. I think the best type of profession is those girls who have been trained in the “nuturing” jobs such as nurses, teachers or therapists.
I agree that country girls are much better than city girls. I have lived in rural USA for a while in the past and travelled to cities a lot. I have seen big difference between country and city girls. I’d rather to have a girl who comes from rural area. It’s better to have a girl who appreciates simple life of good home and family over those city girls who are much more materialistic and more career-oriented. I prefer living in a small rural town over big city. That’s pretty my style.
September 14, 2006 at 3:32 am
Absolutely agree Quiet rebel.
Alot of the time women will give you the old
you need a woman or you’ll be lonely all your life
The fact is living with alot of women is also very lonely
Add into the mix some latent feminist ideology, corporate stress(note the system is designed to create stress), lack of mutual respect and having complementary skill sets and you will have a very lonely household…..
….
But this time with lonely kids as well!
Thanks for your story mate !
September 14, 2006 at 7:54 am
I understand your story very well quiet rebel.. And I’m glad you’ve defined early on what you don’t want for yourself or for your future family. Your discussions of this topic with your mother is clearly threatening to her. It’s obvious that deep down inside she has a gnawing guilt of knowing what the truth is.
The truth of knowing that her selfishness has left you out in the cold in more ways then she can possibly imagine.
It’s one thing to need to work and to make money to build a financial future. It’ another thing all together to deny who really “pays” for this single minded focus and blantant display of emotional indifference towards a son or a daughter.
Like I’ve mentioned before. I would plant a copy of one or more of my posts in a place where she could “accidentally” find it. The reason I would do this is simple.
I would want her to KNOW that YOU KNOW..
You have nothing to lose quite frankly.. And there is a small chance that she may actually wake up at some time in the future but she will need to lose a wall of denial in the process and that would take alot of time and discomfort on her part.
Ultimately I hope that a real relationship can be established between mother and son and not one that is based on deceptive feminist slogans.
Great Post.. Keep it up..
GL
September 14, 2006 at 1:09 pm
You’ve got that right Max. However, we both know it’s better to be by yourself than be in a situation where you’re isolated, alone and disrespected at every turn. Men’s interests are naturally dismissed as sexist or unimportant, while on the other hand it’s all her, her, her. That describes marriage for many men in western countries, and why when women say that, they really are looking for men that are suckers who don’t know any better.
Taras
September 18, 2006 at 10:11 pm
hello am male from dubai 40 years like marrige with one leady l have verey good job if you like marrige me send for me bye
September 19, 2006 at 8:47 am
Well Lena might be beautiful, but that is only skin deep, and she too will get old, and what is left?. The son. She will always love him more than her future partner (cf. beam in her eye), so if you want to be just social security and replacement father to the offspring of some idiot, then just go ahead. Kids from other people even smell stange. Maybe you could also donate you life savings to the local Social Security fund.
September 20, 2006 at 8:52 am
Mark before you make those kind of statements I’d totally challenge you to come here yourself if you haven’t already done so and to see what these types of ladies are like..
Some of the most successful marriages I’ve seen are between Russian Women with children and American Men with or without children. It’s all about gratitude. And I don’t care where that grattitude comes from because ALL healthy relationships require it.
I truly doubt that you would be able to hold that type of jaded opinion about divorced Russian Women with children if you were to actually meet a typical one.
And if you still held onto that..
Then quite frankly you have NO business trying to hook up with any of them until you manage to grow a new attitude Sir.
October 3, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Hello to everybody,
I am new to these conversations and usually I hate to talk on the web, but since this one looks very polite, I’ll launch myself.
I am a typicall “russian woman” (Prague, Czech republic) married to an American man đ
It takes really very little over there for a man to quit a woman. A young Czech guy told me, he wouldn’t go out with me because I speak two foreign languages he doesn’t. I answered politely that he knows so much about the military, history (that was his field) so why should he mind? But he did. I left with tears in my eyes. He looked very self-satisfied.
My girlfriend broke or let’s say her boyfriend broke with her because she fixed a car. He didn’t talk to her during two days during which she was thinking over, what she did to his majesty and than he screamed at her, how dared she diminish his manhood in front of other people. Why didn’t she at least wait for them to be alone.
Eastern Europe is full of such cases. And I want to underline that this website is absolutely true, eastern european women even if scientist, doctors, businesswomen a.s.o. still are very feminine, cook, take care of children, tell to their boyfriends how great they are, but it’s not enough. The competition is great over there and even very average men have an enormous choice. In Czech we have an expression for them: “beer blisters”. As they drink, they have a big belly and it’s the only activity they execute (as opposed to working blisters).
Here in the USA it’s the opposite, even very gentlemenly guys, nice and respectfull of feminine equality can’t get a relatively bearable woman.
October 3, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Hello Vendula! đ
Thank you for joining us. So Please don’t stop!
Now I’ve heard some crazy reasons as to why the Men here break up with women..
BUT.. I have NEVER heard stories like what you and your girlfriends have been through.. If I had a woman who could speak two languages and fix my car I’d love her forever!
I really appreciate the validation you have given on how truly strong and feminine you Eastern European and Russian Ladies are.
Quite frankly.. as your somewhat typical American Guy.. I am a little in awe over all the things that you ladies manage to accomplish in your lives.. and I just can’t imagine what type of man would be intimidated by that.. Oh well his loss and certainly your gain!
Thanks again.. please write us again soon!
Cheers GL
October 4, 2006 at 3:30 am
Vendula, your husband is a lucky guy, and so are you…..:-)It’s a human failing to not appreciate something, until it’s gone. Once it’s gone, all too often it’s impossible to get back. The guys who dumped you and your friend should kick themselves for being so stupid and childish. When they get older, things are going to change for them, and not for the better.
Taras
October 4, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Hello to everybody.I come on a male-oriented website with a “feminist” issue and I am welcome!
That shows once again the enormous generosity of American men. Really. I am so happy I do have an American husband.
October 4, 2006 at 7:42 pm
Vendula,
Thank you for your wonderful post! Another young American men in early 20’s here. I came from a Slavic family that immigrated here from Eastern Europe in the early 1900’s.
I really can’t understand why men in your country feel being threated by women who know two languages and able to fix cars. They are wonderful skills to have for life!
Myself, any ladies who are truly lovely feminine and can speak foreign languages, can fix cars or even build houses are the ones that I would love forever! đ I admire those qualities.
Congratulations for having a wonderful husband! You are a lucky girl!
You are welcome to contribute here, and share with your friends about this website. We would love to hear more from you!
October 5, 2006 at 12:29 am
It is SO refreshing to actually read a Russian woman’s own oppinion, not only of what a real Russian woman is like, but what their counterparts here in the US are like as well. I applaud your honesty, Vendula, and I too hope to find a woman who is multilingual, beautiful, caring etc. I find myself in AWE of these womens’ talents, not in COMPETITION. Keep sharing your insights!
October 19, 2006 at 10:06 am
Here it is… (Another “Russian” (Ukrainian) woman’s opinion…) By recent stats, the MAJORITY of divorces here are initiated by WOMEN… Even being mothers… Even being stuck to while cheated on… Even with their soon-ex-husbands literally weeping in the court… Imagine the degree of disappointment and dignity? Handling cars and careers is all about this: being a superwife able to survive in want of a superhusband.
October 19, 2006 at 1:45 pm
The information I got came from a divorce lawyer that I knew. He basically said that Men were the ones who primarily initiated divorces here in the 65% to 75% percent range but I don’t know where he got that figure from. Could this be a Ukraine vs. Russian statistic we are dealing with?
October 19, 2006 at 2:19 pm
More likely is that divorcing men involve lawyers more often. ))) I would hardly find an official link in English, but it’s common knowledge here… just type “woman” “initiate” “divorce” in a Russian search engine… I now came across a Russian-language (this means FSU and emigrees) PARENTAL forum, the thread beginning with the results of a poll “Who would be the divorcer”… “the wife” – say 90%… Promise to post an explaining survey on my blog )))
October 19, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Hey everyone!
What an enormously refreshing and exciting site you have here rw_man.
Divorced four years ago. She initiated, after having probable affair. A born again feminist. Arrrrggggghhhhhhhh!
Lost everything. Lost the kids for a while. Child support. For the priviledge of supporting her decision to blow the Family to smithereens- go figure that one. (Should be a Law. If you opt for divorce, then you cannot automatically count on Court enforced support.) No wonder the woman, what is it 7 or 8 times out of ten divorces is the one who initiates. Why woulnd’t she, believing she has everything to gain thereby. Her freedom. Ach! What a joke! The house/home, the kids, the dog, monthly payments. Everthing pretty much. (You may as well just sign your pay check over to her.) Whatever happened to sacrficing for the sake of your children, for their future and wellbeing, building a good life for them, so they can grow up in a good way, their insides strong and resilient. What a terrible joke these pitiful excuses for women, these females are– maybe she-males is better.
Made the loop-de-loop enough times in that desparate scene commonly known as the dating game to know that North American women are totally f*cked, their insides all messed up in very serious ways, at least if those I dated are representative in any way of the general female population. Which judging by I can’t say how many men I have talked with over the last four years, single married and divorced, who have any savvy about these things, and also by the universal response here and just about any where else you go where there is mature male discussion and talk about these things.
For our children above all, for us men, shafted through and through, and ultimately for the women as well, over the longer haul, blind as bats and crazy as hatters overdosing on mercury, on the hunt thereafter for Mr Goodbar: Everyone loses.
I was told by a good friend right at the get-go of my troubles, when the world and life I had built together with my wife over the course of ten years got totally smashed in a matter of a couple of weeks, he said, “Now Jeff, you be careful here on, because all you are going to get is Denial and Deception. ”
Denial and Deception. Right on the money.
(My X was a beautiful woman, at least I always thought so, but I can still, even now, barely look at her, so ugly has she become in my sight. Denial and deception can do that I guess if you live and keep on living it. Hard to stop I have noticed once they get going. That’s another thing that my friend told me: once that comes out in them, it’ll never go. It’s there: permanent. Denial and Deception.)
In any event, I decided enough was enough, I wasn’t going to cow-tow to these she-males anymore. Try to work stuff out. No way.I wasn’t going to go looking for confrontation on the other hand, but I simply wasn’t going to put up with their BS anymore.
Wow!
By putting out those vibes I seemed to have made myself something of a vector for verbal assaults and harangues, sometimes right out of the blue from women who are, I suppose, unaccustomed to men standing their ground and speaking that truth. I’d never really get into it with any of them, what’s the point, so would simply say after being blasted, “Why thank you so much for sharing your feelings with me. You expressed that very eloquently.” That usually got me some nastiness or other. Now I simply don’t really care enough about their….ah….isuues to give any of it a tinker’s damn one way or the other. Why bother?
I’d got to the point where I simply decided not to continue wasting time and energy over a lost cause. That’s about when I came across this wonderful blog. I know that sure as heck I’ll be checking into flight fare to Russia at some time in the future, and see what’s what. ‘Cause I know one thing for sure: the women around here simply no longer know how to be women. They do not know what it means to be a mother and a wife,a companion to your husband, who together build a home for their children so that they can thrive and flourish. My X-wife has brought her children and former husband untold anguish and pain, much as so many many X wives have done to their respective families. It is an epidemic, and has become generational, traumatized kids becoming traumatized adults having traumatized kids. A viscious cycle which can bring no good.
Ach! That’s my two cents. Thanks again rw_man.
Jeff
October 20, 2006 at 1:39 pm
Hi Jeff!
Welcome Aboard!
I’m glad you found this site to be informative and refreshing.. When I created it I thought it might be interesting from a fellow divorced american man’s perspective who has also seen many things that i don’t really care to remember now that I’m here.
In anycase.. please continue to contribute but most of all reach out to your fellow brothers who may also find themselves in a similar situation to you. Or better yet warn the guys before they get into that situation in the first place!
Thanks again.. talk to you soon.. GL
October 23, 2006 at 8:43 am
Hi Jeff,
some cold water here…
Sorry if the below sounds harsh; there’s no intent of attacking you as I am unaware of your entire story and both parties’ rights and wrongs. But since this is a place for general discussions, I’d like to prevent some men from using your comment for generalizations that might harm Eastern women and cause defeated expectancies to Western men.
Former Soviet Union laws are no cakes and ale for men. Courts tend to leave children with mothers, family property is divided into two, with a shift in favour of who stays in custody of children, plus child support. (Another thing is that law enforcement is inefficient and corrupted).
A Russian wife may be too vulnerable and forgiving to fight for what is due for her children and herself (even when she remains substanceless), or not aware of her husband’s assets and legal manipulations with them, but if she can’t mend the marriage anymore (and it’s “good manly taste” here to make the relationship untolerable so that to feel better-looking than to “abandon the family”… isn’t it what your proposed law would provoke?), – she would escape. BTW one can be then sure she hasn’t been with him for material security. đ But she still MAY and CAN pursue her rights.
The Abramovich story shows much about the above… Russian women have reasons to be at the side of their sister.
A propos another defeated-expectancy-warning on the emotional side of the problem…
http://russianwomenspeak.wordpress.com/2006/10/17/russian-girls-to-unhappy-men-a-poisonous-remedy
October 23, 2006 at 8:43 am
Hi Jeff,
some cold water here…
Sorry if the below sounds harsh; there’s no intent of attacking you as I am unaware of your entire story and both parties’ rights and wrongs. But since this is a place for general discussions, I’d like to prevent some men from using your comment for generalizations that might harm Eastern women and cause defeated expectancies to Western men.
Former Soviet Union laws are no cakes and ale for men. Courts tend to leave children with mothers, family property is divided into two, with a shift in favour of who stays in custody of children, plus child support. (Another thing is that law enforcement is inefficient and corrupted).
A Russian wife may be too vulnerable and forgiving to fight for what is due for her children and herself (even when she remains substanceless), or not aware of her husband’s assets and legal manipulations with them, but if she can’t mend the marriage anymore (and it’s “good manly taste” here to make the relationship untolerable so that to feel better-looking than to “abandon the family”… isn’t it what your proposed law would provoke?), – she would escape. BTW one can be then sure she hasn’t been with him for material security. đ But she still MAY and CAN pursue her rights.
The Abramovich story shows much about the above… Russian women have reasons to be at the side of their sister.
A propos another defeated-expectancy-warning on the emotional side of the problem…
http://russianwomenspeak.wordpress.com/2006/10/17/russian-girls-to-unhappy-men-a-poisonous-remedy
Sincerely, Natalie
November 10, 2006 at 7:02 am
Natalie sure dumps cold water on the AW afeminates assertion that foreign women are weak and submissive!
Jeff, once you meet real feminine foreign women you will hardly even look at American women again. Just a warning, it will turn your world upside down. For many of us though it was a world than needed turning, either that or be fitted for the La-Z-Boy at age 45.
November 10, 2006 at 8:48 am
Hi John,
Thanks for validating this important point. Really the challenge for most guys is just in meeting a lady like this for the first time. Just like you said once that happens there is truly no going back..
November 10, 2006 at 11:02 am
My condolences and ditto’s to Jeff. Once my ex brought her boyfriend and credit cards debt’s out of the closet, my daughter dropped out of school and now still in party mode, as her mother/ best friend allows, at least my son has been keeping a good head on his shoulders thusfar.
Bother’s in pain at least can know they were not the wronged one, no matter what the ex or the courts have to say. The quagmire of justice to men in divorce here is a very bad and simple joke. They sexist judges make it worse for all and the apathetic lawyers just amble through the fog.
đ
Canajun
November 10, 2006 at 11:04 am
Excuse me, BROTHER’S in pain. Sorry for the typo. đ
February 22, 2007 at 7:34 pm
I hope to never have to deal with the pain of divorce. Which is why I’m looking to do it right the first time. and considering the amount of money I have invested and what it will be netting my income, there will be a prenub that if we get divorced, she gets none of it. Mean I know, but takes away the incentive for divorce.
February 23, 2007 at 8:11 am
Yeah, good chance. In a favorite Russian film it is sung, “and your wife won’t go to another, if you have not got a wife.” Enjoy your ride remembering she’s staying anyway even if she may hate you but is bound with money and the fear of losing everything.
(Not that I was not touched by the horse story. But I’ve seen more than enough women suffering total neglection if not abuse from such wise guys – maiden, where were your eyes on such an attitude, and it’s in the rosiest period ever before any marital discords might have begun.)
Sinc., N.
Sinc., N.
February 23, 2007 at 8:11 am
(Meaning, not the “horse” point but the prenup terms.)
February 23, 2007 at 8:14 am
Curious, are they the same if it’s the husband who initiates the divorce? or tortures the wife into it?
February 23, 2007 at 11:28 am
Natalia – your understanding of subtle innuendo in english is rather spotty. The idea with this guy is that he will ask for a prenup BEFORE he gets married. This will drive away any woman who dosen’t really love him and is only after his money and belongings. In the US this is an increasing reality for women, due to the lopsided nature of the divorce law here along with the fact that this law is enforced.
It is important for you to understand that in the western world women often initiate the divorce for no reason and take much of a man’s assets.
This guy is not “torturing a wife” into anything. The prenup is a precondition of marriage. Your problems with russian/ukrainian men treating their women like crap is not the case with western men. Western women torture men with their crap.
I am starting to realize that you use this blog as place to empower yourself with the concept that russian are wonderful angels, because in your life you feel that your men don’t believe it is so. You need to realize that the men you are talking to here are not the men from your country. We respect a good woman and we realize that women from almost anywhere else on earth are bound to be better than the women from where we are from, and you are taking advantage of our kind feelings.
It seems that in reality you are a budding feminist of the east. You don’t seem to realize that the men here are not interested in feminists or your hardass ideology, comrade.
Put simply: Your anger is misplaced. Your understanding of “our” situation is confused with your own.
đ
February 23, 2007 at 12:45 pm
My intent is to drive away gold diggers, both RW and western women. There was an incident in my home province where a doctor was married to a womyn and had 2 kids with her. She divorced him after about 5 years of marriage, and he was required by the courts to pay, are you ready for this, $12,000 per month for child support. He was recently drug back into court for simply quitting the child support payments. The youngest son is 25, but because he still lives at home, the father is still obligated to pay according to the law. The poor man packed all the assets he could and moved to the bahamas. When interviewed, the womyn said that it was still the ex’s responsibility to pay for the son still living at home, and that he had absolutely no right to leave. But, when asked, the womyn admitted that both her sons only got 20% of the child support payments. The rest of the money was for her to spend so she could maintain her lifestyle that she had while she was married. But that was not the point, she said, He was still obligated to pay becuse one of their sons was still living at home.
When I was working in the mechanic’s shop, many of the divorced guys there were complaining about the alimonial payments they were being forced to make. 3 of them were losing 3/4 of their $6000 a month check to their exs. Where is the justice in that??
The reason Aunt Natalia for my prenup is that When my grandfather and father die, I’m th heir to 7 million in farmland, and another 2 million in machinery. As well as money that I have put away and invested while working higher paying trucking jobs, etc.
As for torturing my wife into divorce, I would like to think that I”m not capable of doing such things. That being said, the monster inside is the one I fear the most.
February 23, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Natalia, I have to agree with Arthur. You really have no understanding whatsoever of what’s going on here in the west. And you don’t seem to believe what we’re telling you about western women, either (though I will admit it’s practically impossible to believe). Please, find some way to spend an extended time period in the U.S. and you’ll see that the horror stories about American women are not in the least exaggerated.
February 23, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Ho, now that’s different, wolverine! One thing is telling “you have no access to my heritage and to my premarital earnings”. Which is Absolutely Equitable, since there hasn’t been any of her participation in your or your parents’ life then. (And there is the same provision in our law by default).
Another thing is to say “go away in your old dress without a cent, for I’ve invested so much into the process of your acquisition”. This was the message easy to construe from the comment concerned. (Referring to some our women’s _foreign_ experience!) If no English speaker in the world could ever have read it like this, I gladly apologize. And my neck won’t crack. )
Hero, I admit it’s taken me much time, learning, and unlearning, to recognize what’s going on overseas. And I keep listening. I’m glad I haven’t published some posts drafted when I knew less. ))) Because some things that you are having to face are indeed surreal and unheard of. But thanks God it’s the age of Information & Connections.
And thanks God I can rely on Joseph, one wisest observer from the US who opens my eyes on the world daily. Who won’t, on the other hand, be investing into an introductions business with an incompetent feminist. đ
Arthur: “I am starting to realize that you use this blog as place to empower yourself with the concept that russian are wonderful angels, because in your life you feel that your men donât believe it is so. You need to realize that the men you are talking to here are not the men from your country.”
What I also started to realize from “Western men’s marriage strike” voices world-web-wide, – is that “your” men, bitten by “your” women, donât feel like they believed “our” women, and approach them with the same gauge. Otherwise they won’t be so concerned to put material disincentives against divorce BEFORE going into a relationship.
But that’s okay. The point is that American and European men aren’t all angels, either. Too many yearn to get a compensation for Western women’s wrongs at the cost of non-Western women’s rights. These upset our womenfolk (angels or not but you presume them to be better women?) far more painfully than their own fellow countrymen do (or are not given chance to do). Otherwise, if I had any preaching ambitions, I would rather have been ranting to Russian men.)))
As for prenups, – to Russian men, and still more to women (less rationalistic and more prone to stereotypes), elaborating those conditions is culturally alien. Most folks decry such approach, deeming it “cold mercantilism inconsistent with love” (but on the bargainer’s part). Ironically, I have myself promoted contractual safeguards on TV long time ago, together with my ex-fiance (then fellow student). A woman from the audience, asked randomly about her attitude to nuptial contracts, stood up and exclaimed from the heart: “Son, if you love a girl, give her all you can!” And you know who she was? His own mother! A Russian mother of a Russian boy! (If you know what it means.)
You see nothing objectionable in taking care for a man not to be robbed, – I see nothing objectionable in taking care for a woman not to be deprived. The balance is, as usual, somewhere in the middle. And I want both parties have their interests protected.
If someone hasn’t known yet, I’m interested in all these discussions as a co-founder of a matchmaking agency, and I prefer to have some men (and women) hate Crabbed Aunt Natalia than each other, and prevent people from disappointment with the foreign marriage venture.
Sincerely,
Comrade N.
February 23, 2007 at 3:35 pm
This fall-through software is a handfull.
Arthur: “I am starting to realize that you use this blog as place to empower yourself with the concept that russian are wonderful angels, because in your life you feel that your men donât believe it is so. You need to realize that the men you are talking to here are not the men from your country.”
What I also started to realize from “Western men’s marriage strike” voices world-web-wide, – is that “your” men, bitten by “your” women, donât feel like they believed “our” women, and approach them with the same gauge. Otherwise they won’t be so concerned to put material disincentives against divorce BEFORE going into a relationship.
But that’s okay. The point is that American and European men aren’t all angels, either. Too many yearn to get a compensation for Western women’s wrongs at the cost of non-Western women’s rights. These upset our womenfolk (angels or not but you presume them to be better women?) far more painfully than their own fellow countrymen do (or are not given chance to do). Otherwise, if I had any preaching ambitions, I would rather have been ranting to Russian men.)))
As for prenups, – to Russian men, and still more to women (less rationalistic and more prone to stereotypes), elaborating those conditions is culturally alien. Most folks decry such approach, deeming it “cold mercantilism inconsistent with love” (but on the bargainer’s part). Ironically, I have myself promoted contractual safeguards on TV long time ago, together with my ex-fiance (then fellow student). A woman from the audience, asked randomly about her attitude to nuptial contracts, stood up and exclaimed from the heart: “Son, if you love a girl, give her all you can!” And you know who she was? His own mother! A Russian mother of a Russian boy! (If you know what it means.)
You see nothing objectionable in taking care for a man not to be robbed, – I see nothing objectionable in taking care for a woman not to be deprived. The balance is, as usual, somewhere in the middle. And I want both parties have their interests protected.
If someone hasn’t known yet, I’m interested in all these discussions as a co-founder of a matchmaking agency, and I prefer to have some men (and women) hate Crabbed Aunt Natalia than each other, and prevent people from disappointment with the foreign marriage venture.
Sincerely,
Comrade N.
February 23, 2007 at 3:45 pm
(Above is the second part of the comment I had to chop into two pieces. The first part keeps falling through, maybe this time it comes out?)
Now that’s a different picture, wolverine!
One thing is telling “you have no access to my heritage and to my premarital earnings”. Which is Absolutely Equitable, since there hasn’t been any of her participation in your or your parents’ life then. (And there is the same provision in our law by default).
Another thing is to say “go away in your old dress without a cent, for I’ve invested so much into the process of your acquisition”. This was the message easy to construe from the comment concerned.
If no English speaker in the world could ever have read it like this, I gladly apologize. And my neck won’t crack. )
February 23, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Hero, I admit it’s taken me much time, learning, and unlearning, to recognize what’s going on overseas. And I keep listening. I’m glad I haven’t published some posts written when I knew less. ))) Because some things you have to face are indeed surreal and unheard of.
(Not unheard of is 3/4 alimony, though. It’s the “ceiling” rate that a FSU court may prescribe in favor of several kids. Some dads gladly drop maintenance when children reach 16, some consider it the duty of honor to put them through college.)
But thanks God it’s the age of Information & Connections.
And thanks God I can rely on Joseph, one wisest observer from the US who opens my eyes on the world daily. Who won’t, though, be investing into establishing an introductions business together with an incompetent f*****st đ
February 23, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Before I married my wife, we discussed prenups. Actually, SHE was the one who brought up the subject. I happily agreed and she’s comfortable with the situation. One of the main reasons she brought it up is this: That if we do get divorced, she made me promise to escort her and her daughter back to her family in Russia. That’s all she wanted. No money, no 50% of my earnings, nothing more than a mere plane ticket to her family. I told myself that I have to marry this woman and care for her. She’s once in a lifetime.
February 23, 2007 at 7:03 pm
May I try to explain further what I wrote earlier Aunt Natalia?? I have no problem if I got devorced in giving her half of that we made together. And I have no use for her dresses!!! But, what was mine before I got married, and what I mike after the divorce, she has no right to. If there is a child, I have absolutely no problem with giving money for the cre of the child, and if the mother needs say 15-20% to work less to spend more time with our child, I ahve no problem with that. But I have a problem if the mother was using all the money to buy an expensive house for herself, expensive cars for herself, and spending most of the money in clubs and bars for her own amusment, while our child is basically neglected, and got maybe 5-10%. I hope I have made this clearer. I’m not trying to be a selfish goat. I just want to protect the assets of myself and my sister that we have worked hard to earn and keep when the banks were making life miserable for our family.
February 24, 2007 at 10:47 am
I can understand protecting the assets of the family. On the other hand, my FSU friend’s father told me the tale of how her grandfather’s property was confiscated for the benefit of the commune. He was paraded through the streets to be initimadated into “volutarily” surrending his land.
Assets aside, don’t we come into a relationship stripped to soul and heart and with a trust to have a life together for better or worse, richer or poorer.
Our failing marriage rates have made us insecure, yet these women from FSU have the same fantasy dreams of pure love as we do, and the same fear of failure. No guarantees. Sure there are scams, some for the green card, but I don’t believe they are all interested in our property and money. Would you give up your thrown for the one you love? Would she give up her country for you?
From what I have learned from Natalie here and on her blog, I believe she has painted a true picture, these women are willing to give all. She has also pointed out that the picture is not perfect. The women have an expectation of the same security and support we are seeking. But nothing is guaranteed except the word of honor we give each other. They have as much to lose, maybe more…their pride and dignity in failure of marriage, with the same responsibility to children.
My philosophy, I am entering into this relationship, fully trusting that it is final. Ain’t no IFs, Ands, or Buts. 100% trust, 100% committed to ’til death do us part’. I can’t be sure that it is guaranteed (the first one failed). But I can be sure that my commitment is guaranteed.
Life ain’t fair. Some have learned not to share.
February 26, 2007 at 11:14 am
Thanks, Ceiver, and I say excuse me, wolverine, I got your point. ))
Gentlemen, I know I’m in a fine company. đ If you hear me apparently accusing you of something you know you are not, – remember that the most unpleasant part of my messages is addressed to some other guys from among those daily thousands of readers. To readers who really need a piece of education. This is something similar to the occasions when your “stag party” goes whipping the whole clan of “womyn” impersonated by some cautionless Western girl. )
(Sorry for double postings. Someone already noticed a strange correlation: you can’t see your comment appear, and it has contained the âF*******â word of the political vocabulary. Hilarious.)
Back to the topic, – it’s the toughest task of the entire marriage venture, to be trusting and giving, yet protected. Someone has to play the badass part to relieve the doves from the nasty mutual gestures of doubt. That’s what we the mediators (lawyers, brokers) are meant for. You’ll be surprised by the safeguard scheme that Joseph has devised to be implemented with my humble assistance.
(or you say “hard ass”? lol )) that’s definitely better than cellulitis)
Also I’ve written an estimate of how much a Russian wife actually needs, in terms of material maintenance and â the most important â value of attitude put into it. Brought that draft to the eyes of the American gentleman, and wait to link it here upon approval. Curious, what is left. ))
Sinc., N.
February 27, 2007 at 4:35 am
Let me start a different opic within the divorced Russian woman category. This is the story of my cousin and his russian ‘wife’. My cousin P and his first wife D had two kids S the older girl, and C the younger boy. D for some reason ecides that P isn’t good enough for her anymore and has a child with another man. A year later she takes this child and just disapears. While all this is happening, the children S and C start rebelling. S starts dressing so badly that the cheap prostitutes would probably call her a slut. C starts dressing like a very bad imitation of a gangster from New York. Both are just miserable, and start to look like death warmed over, and microwaved for good measure. This has been happening since S was 9 and C was 6. D left when S was 13. My cousin P was desperate for them. He’s talking about military school for both of them, just to keep them from doing something stupid and going to jail. Then he found N. N is about 33-35. She is Russian, very beautiful, and divorced with a son. Just doing her makeup for casual times, she is beautiful, but for big formal event, she is absolutely stunning. She moves in with P, and with in 4-5 months of her living there, S no longer look like a low priced prostitute, and C isn’t looking and trying to act like a NY gangster. Interestingly enough, Both are happy, and looking alive again. during a visit, I took N aside and asked her how she had straighened up these kids from being so bad. Her response was the most interesting that I had ever heard from a person at that time. She simply said, “I became the mother they didn’t have. I didn’t try to be their friend.” The way she said that was nothing short of magnificent. She was proud to be their mother. That was something that I hadn’t experienced.
My mom was different. When I did something well, and was being praised for it, she was happy to be my mom, but when I royally screwed up, she acted like she didn’t know me.
Aunt Natalia, perhaps you would honor me by commenting on this narrative??
February 27, 2007 at 8:59 am
Thanks, with pleasure. )
This story could be as well told at the thread “The Value of Russian Women with Children”. ) Women who’ve learned how to be mothers. )) Mothers who’ve learned how to mother divorced children. Which is especially important when the husband has children by a previous marriage.
Because there is no challenge like gaining acception by stepchildren, especially when their missing parent is the mother. (Well, no easier when they have a mother who holds influence over them! But… kids are most discerning judges.) Without family experience, not every â even not every Russian )) woman can lift such a task.
Some stepmothers try to pander to the kids, which is a fatal mistake. What makes a good Mother is a balance of attention, tolerance and discipline she gives her children. She listens, encourages, helps when needed, leaves alone when needed not, and insists on principles to be observed (unlike the Am mom).
All this only works when she has authority, i.e. takes the lead and shows an admirable example. I can imagine N have shown them a Lady and given them a piece of her mind, instead of pitying and playing their games.
And this only works when she has the confidence and responsibility that Russian women are taught all their life.
Peculiarly, they are identified as “would be mothers” since their childhood when they were playing “School” with their dolls or “Daughters-Mothers” role games with each other. Let not the PC womyn roll eyes. We’ve climbed trees and played “Cops and Robbers” as much. )
Sincerely,
Comrade Natalia
March 6, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I might add to my narrative above that N is pretty close to completely deaf, she speaks with hardly an accent, and learned English practically on her own with an English-Russian dictionary with only a few lessons when she came to Canada. She has her own son, whom I have not met. And her ex-husband and her are still on good terms. A rare thing here. She’s an extremely rare gem of a woman.
June 12, 2007 at 3:59 am
I have a close friend who is a lovely, intelligent, culturally oriented Russian woman. Curious as to why she was recently divorced, I listened intently whenever she touched upon her story. What I concluded was this: her fascinating character growth was largely accomplished through her dedication to her own independence. In other words, her marriage was not a true partnership, built rather, a vehicle used to achieve a personal goal. She lived to please her friends and her son. Her husband could fend for himself, and live to please her. In the end, her husband’s frustration with her lack of attention to their relationship resulted in a physical confrontation. Men can be driven to the wall by the women they love. We have real emotional needs too. Perhaps there is a reason why Russian men, “blessed” with so many beautiful, independent women drink so much?
June 13, 2007 at 4:10 am
Waiting for the attacks to start.
Admitedly, there will be some Russian women like that. I actually know one like that myself. That being said, she doesn’t lie about her intentions. But, there are far more western women like that in this world that Russian from what I have seen.
June 13, 2007 at 7:12 am
Rasputin’s Ghost …
“In as much as we men are also emotional, perhaps sometimes more intensely loving and open to pond scum, it is always a good policy…
‘To love hard; but, test even harder.'”
When it’s true love, the tests will come back positive anyways. And when it’s not, my experience is that they never can ‘fake it’.
Why?
Have you ever tried to fake being in love in order to, just for example during your early adulthood, get lucky? Were you really pressed hard to prove it? If you were tested really hard how do you think you would have faired?
Same with women.
I tell you that the more that I think about the issue of testing, the more that I think that we men should know every conceivable way to do it. But for some strange reason, we men get so excited about “the show and the backstage pass” that we never question that maybe, just maybe, we are not all that wonderful “for her”.
And this is where ALL women get us when all that we are is a career move “for them”. Watch what they do much more than what they say.
What do you really need in order to be made happy with her? And she knows this formula too, yes? So what does she do about it? Do you think that just maybe, if she was desperately wanting to keep you that she would not turn over every feminine ambition in order to “give to you what she knows makes you happy” so that you would stay?
Then there is the change factor. In time she can, herself, become frustrated in her own needs. And the bedroom is no insignificant part in many cases. So, a lot of work and ongoing improvement has got to be part of the formula for enduring love–if indeed there is any to begin with.
Now, my all time fav… the paid for woman’s tryout—marriage. Have you noticed how much many women love this word “marriage”? Yes, I too am a traditionist in my personal life. But I’ve not yet been married.
However, many girls have absolutely no aversion whatsoever to marriage when their life stage warrants the move. Marriage, formally is designed after the fact to split assets. And so, and I know you can see where I’m going with this, for a girl who truly doesn’t love, it’s a paid career move. Plain and simple.
For those who have this special gift of reciprocal love, hopefully that never gets on the table. But when the after bonus stares a girl in the face along with a guy’s doe-eyed naive face and his more than healthy assets, then voila, “I do”.[promise to take your butt to the cleaners.]
And if she hasn’t yet married or seems like a social loser to her girlfriends and family then this is also another reason to take doe-eyed Joe up on his offer.
It sounds to me, that this Russian woman is a classic case of “through the chute without a single hard test.”
Gotta love tests. Or you’re probably gonna learn to love a family lawyer somewhere, sometime.
June 13, 2007 at 7:14 am
Hi Rasputin,
Will you find sterile, calculating women here, in survival mode and move ahead in life while suppressing their emotions usually due to some real life fears that unfortunately all to often come true?
Yes..
However, will you also find incredibly warm, genuine, loving, open, and wondrously gorgeous girls with truly beautiful souls as well?
Yes..
So what gives you may ask?
Simple..
It’s really all about you..
In life you will find what you are truly “looking” for. If your heart is filled with suspicion and doubt.. well try to have a fun ride buddy cause it’s probably going to be a long nasty one.
But if you are able to laugh or chalk up the negative times as important learning experiences that you NEED to go through in order to find the one who is right for you..
Then I’d say you are on a much better path and have a MUCH greater chance of finding what you are looking for.
We have all shapes and sizes of womanly characters here. Don’t just spot out a few black grains of sand on a white sand beach and then tell the rest of the world that you vacationed on a volcanic and dark island shore.
If you haven’t done so yet then you just simply need to come out and see for yourself why I’ve spent the energy in creating this blog.
I believe that if you come out with an open mind and with a humble heart you will not be disappointed.
Cheers,
GL
June 13, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I knew of one such woman also. In fact, she was the recent girl I was with, a Ukrainian. But what GL and wolverine says is equally true and important. Best to recognize such self indulgent woman prior to taking the plunge, marriage that is. I had to think long and deep. She was lovely, gorgeous; everywhere we went, men takes notice of her, darts of glances here and there, unfailing, unending. But in the end, I decided not to, due to her inattention, my unhappiness.
When I was in Russia, Ukraine, from what I have heard of locals saying, is that beautiful woman tend to be self concentrated, looking to satisfy personal desires, wants, needs. Difficult to be in love with such persons; for love is selfless and unselfish in many ways.
But that is just a generalization. I can also say that I have met the most beautiful RW, who is not self indulgent.
The lesson I’ve learned from this experience? Is to make sure the love is true and tried. Is she attentive? How does she make me feel? Happy with glee, smiles or miserable and sad.