1. Why did you create this Blog?
Russian women are like heroic characters because they are always dealing with dirty situations and environments but somehow they still manage to stay beautiful and out of trouble.
I am like most Americans in that I love a good underdog story where the hero faces incredible odds but still comes out as the champion. This is a labor of love because it is an opportunity to bring the true story of these women into the light.
This is especially important since their own modesty would never allow them to do it themselves.
2. Do you hate American women?
Absolutely not. I have a precious circle of American women who are either close to me or who have influenced my life in the most special of ways. I am truly indebted to these women for how their love and friendship has shaped me as a person.
The American women that I tend to get along the best with are already happily married with kids because they see the value in all of this. These special American women actually served as the initial inspiration for me to create this. In many ways this work is also dedicated to them because they have what many of us American men want in our lives. It is for this reason that they have my deepest respect and admiration.
No. I am far away from hating American women. What I do hate is the cancerous political, cultural and behavioral power games that disempower both American men and women from understanding and finding love with each other.
Russian women are a real if not superior alternative in breaking out of this vicious cycle. They are truly special in that they have far less options available in their lives but they still do not find it necessary to engage in such destructive behavior. Quite frankly, they do not understand why many American women choose to act like angry victims and lash out at American men in general. Russian women correctly see that these American women are given more positive opportunities and choices in men than in anywhere else in the world.
3. Are the Russian women you show on your site models?
None of these ladies are models although they could probably easily work as models in the US or in many other countries. They are all friends or casual acquaintances that I have met and most of them are single if you can believe it. It has been a complete pleasure to capture such moments from their lives. It is easy to meet such beautiful women while you are in Russia and for the most part they really enjoy having their pictures taken.
4. Are you living in Russia?
Yes, I’m originally from the US West Coast but I am now living and working in Russia.
5. What is the population of Russia?
Around 150 million people spread out over multiple ethnic groups
6. What about women from other Former Soviet Union (FSU) countries such as the Ukraine, Belarus, or Kazakhstan?
Although it would be more accurate to call this “FSU Women – The Real Truth most” many American men would not know what this means and it would not be practical to label this site this way. Although there are many FSU countries the women from these areas more or less share the same overall characteristics and values that are described in this site.
7. Why are there significantly fewer Russian Men then Russian Women?
There are a number of factors.
The situation started back in World War II. Some 20 million Soviet people died during that conflict and most of them were men. This started a domino effect since it created a huge vacuum for future generations of men who were needed to fill existing dangerous jobs. This in turn further increased the already high mortality levels for Russian Men. Subsequent conflicts from the 1950’s on into modern times continue to take a huge toll on these men.
This imbalance is further compounded by rampant alcohol and drug abuse with large populations of Russian Men who are not able nor qualified to have stable relationships and raise families.
Another key factor contributing to this is the mandatory 2 year military service which all young Russian men must serve typically starting at the age of 18. While these men are serving their country they are not allowed to start a relationship and this puts additional strain demographically on the population imbalance between men and women.
Finally many of these Russian men upon completing their service move away from their original homes searching for good jobs in larger cities while Russian women traditionally stay near their families.
These population imbalances become more dramatically pronounced with age since Russian men have a very high mortality rate in comparison to Russian women.
8. Aren’t Russian women all just looking for a way out of their country?
There will always be a minority segment of women who are motivated by this and in my opinion it’s pretty straight forward to identify them. However, the vast majority of Russian women are simply trying to find a loving and supportive husband to ultimately raise a family with. This is the biggest challenge they face because of the male/female ratio working against them.
Put yourself in their position for a second and think about what you would do if you were in their same situation. It’s not an easy decision for most Russian women to consider living in a strange country because of how close they traditionally are to their families and especially their mothers. Their desire in wanting to find the right spouse needs to override this instinct. Since many of them do not want to live in another country a man would need to be pretty special in their eyes for them to even consider moving.
Russian women are very proud of their heritage and their country. And if you lived here like I do you can see why this is the case. Most importantly they are proud of themselves as women and would not willingly pass themselves off in any thing that may be suspiciously demeaning or degrading to them. For example the vast majority of beautiful and single Russian women I meet do not have their pictures posted on any agency website even though they are looking for a man.
9. Is it true that you can really find a younger woman to be your wife in Russia?
Yes, within reason and also depending on the age of the Russian lady. If you are dealing with a young lady in her early 20’s then a 10 year and even up to a 15 year difference is normal depending on the appearance, compatibility and fitness of the man. Keep in mind that young Russian women in their early 20’s are exceptionally mature in comparison to their American counterparts.
As a Russian woman gets older the difference in age can also typically increase. A man in his 50’s and sometimes 60’s can have a relationship with a Russian woman in her 30’s. In one case I have heard of a man in his early 70’s getting engaged to a woman who was 34.
For most American men many of these age differences may be hard to believe until one actually sees the maturity level of these ladies and witnesses what goes on over here. Russian women are looking for manly leaders who have a clear direction and purpose in life and from a historical and survival perspective this makes a great deal of sense. Older and more established men clearly fall into this category.
Stories and legends of princes winning the hearts of a fair maiden is something that these women were commonly brought up with as children. Most Russian women intuitively understand and accept that their prince can most likely be an older man.
10. Can there be greater differences in age when dealing with a girl in her 20s?
Yes, there are always exceptions to the norm. However these arrangement are more difficult to find and require more trial and error and patience. I personally have a friend who is 45 years old and he has a girlfriend that is 24. He is exceptionally fit and is a very good man to this woman.
11. Aren’t Russian women submissive?
This stereotype is a complete myth. I am surrounded with hundreds of Russian women at my work and I have yet to find someone who I consider to be submissive. Russian women are very strong, resourceful and streetwise. The amazing thing is that they are all of this without being loud or obnoxious as is prevalent in the US.
If they were submissive then they wouldn’t be able to survive in this tough environment. For example they are often dealing with drunk, aggressive and sometimes dangerous Russian men who want to harass or have sex with them. Behavior that would get a man locked up in no time flat in the United States is openly tolerated here and Russian Women are left to fend for themselves. Quite frankly there is great irony here since most American women (who believe themselves to be more independent or stronger then Russian women) would not last long in this environment.
Believe me if you cross a Russian women by getting on her bad side then you’ve got problems brother. They will give more to you then any woman you’ve ever known but their boundaries and their expectations are strictly enforced and you better know what they are. As long as you treat them like a lady you will be fine.
There’s a famous Russian saying that says that the Man may be the head of the family but his wife is the neck that turns the head into the direction it wants!
It was initially hard for me to believe that Russian women could do this until I actually experienced the hidden remote control unit that my girlfriend at the time had secretly planted on me.
12. How come you only wrote with American Men in mind? I am from England and many of the problems you are describing with American women are the same here and for the rest of Western Europe.
I realize this but it was easier to write from and American man’s perspective (because I am American) instead of having to say “we disgruntled men of developed Western Nations” all the time.
I know that Russian women are developing quite a famous name for themselves in Europe because European men are catching on to these women quickly. I know that Russian women in Germany for example are highly sought after and in vogue. One of my students who traveled to Singapore was treated like she was a movie star from another planet. She was completely thrown for a loop with the amount of adoration she received there since she received next to nothing here in Russia.
13. Are all the girls in agencies serious about getting married?
Most Russian Women in the agencies are serious however there is a significant number or women who may be “just trying this out for fun”. You need to be wary of these women because they are only out to have fun and will use up your precious time and money and will not give you a commitment. This happens mostly with younger girls below the age of 22. They are still at a point where they might not be too sure of what they want. They may be simply incapable of recognizing you for the quality man that you are. However the older the women get the more serious they are about getting married.
14. How do Russian men treat their women?
Since I mostly work with Russian women I get a lot of information on this subject. I have met mostly older Russian men who are very decent, loving and caring towards their wives or girlfriends. Also most young men I meet are also exceptional and fair-minded individuals. However, I think these men are more of an exception rather than the rule.
Russian women frequently complain that they are treated like commodities. Since there are so many of them it is very tempting for a Russian man to not care about losing one since in all likelihood he can quickly find another woman to replace her. This situation doesn’t give Russian men a great deal of incentive to be affectionate or loving for the long term. There are a whole range of bad behaviors that I have heard about in relation to Russian men but key to all of them is a long term sense of indifference or arrogance towards their women.
In general Russian men are very forward with how they communicate with their women. In some cases this can be seen as desirable and strong but in most cases it is forceful, caustic and abrasive. Keep in mind that age is a big variable here because the older the man is the more civil and gentlemanly he is likely to be. It is the scores of disillusioned younger men who I am describing which are the ones mostly responsible for these types of problems.
15. How does the Russian Government feel about men coming to Russia to find wives?
Russia is facing a severe demographic crisis because it has some of the lowest birthrates in the world and this is leading to a sharp decline in it’s population over the next 10 to 20 years. The Russian Government is deeply concerned about this and it generally does not like the idea of women leaving the country but it still allows them the freedom to do so.
In-spite of the government’s negative view on this there are millions of women who simply do not have a chance at finding husbands with whom they can raise a family with.
A prime cause to this is a historically unstable and developing economy which does not provided enough employment opportunities for the existing men in Russia to support a family with. The Russian Government must prioritize on this problem because it cannot just magically materialize more Russian men for the existing surplus of Russian women.
American or other foreign men coming to Russia to look for wives actually benefits Russia in two key ways towards addressing this problem.
First the men who are looking for Russian wives tend to be established and have either successful careers or businesses. What this does is give Russia great exposure from a specialized audience of American men. Since Russia is a large developing economy many of the men are coming to Russia for the first time and are amazed at the numerous opportunities to do business. Additionally, there is a growing percentage of these men like myself who decide to invest their time, money, expertise and energy into this country for their own professional growth. As strange as this sounds beautiful Russian women are directly responsible for attracting significant amounts of foreign investment and expertise into this country!
The second key benefit comes from married Russian women living overseas who now have greater amounts of money either through their own employment or through their husband’s income. As a group these women pump hard currency into the Russian economy because they send back large amounts of money (by Russian standards) to help their families out. A typical Russian woman who is employed in the US can earn anywhere between 3 to 15 times more money then if she was working in Russia. With this greater income she can now easily support her family in Russia for the long term.
There is a famous quote by the great Russian writer Dostoevsky that says “Beauty can save the world.” I believe that this man was ahead of his time given what I am seeing.
16. What is the general attitude that Russian women have towards marriage agencies?
Russian women who join agencies generally do not share this fact with other people such as friends and family. This is because the given attitude that most Russians have towards marriage agencies is negative and this often causes shame and problems for those that have joined. Unfortunately what this belief does is prevent the vast majority of qualified single women from joining any agency no matter how good it’s reputation.
There are other factors that compound this problem. Russian media and news has only conducted negative stories on marriage agencies. They have sensationalized various horror stories of some poor Russian women marrying some monster of an American man who has serious problems. Even though this does not represent the vast majority of happy unions between Russian women and American men it still gets used like a tabloid story to hook in more listeners and viewers and it works.
Another problem is the negative reputation of the agencies themselves. Russian people rarely hear about the good agencies but they often hear about the bad ones. Much of this criticism is deserved since there are a number of truly un-ethical marriage agencies which systematically scam both American men and Russian women.
American men who come over with a wrong attitude also end up hurting the reputation of agencies with Russian women as well. There are a number of desperate American men who have been fueled on a completely bogus belief that Russian women are “mail order brides”. With this in mind they come to Russia often acting like arrogant slave masters trying to “get the best deal”. These men either end up going home frustrated (because the good women here easily see through this) or they end up matching with a woman with questionable character and motives.
As you can imagine this hurts the reputation of the agency for bringing the man out in the first place and it also damages the general reputation of American men. I personally know of cases where outstanding Russian women with high hopes for a relationship were completely degraded by some American man and now they refuse to have anything to do with any marriage agencies.
Finally many good Russian ladies do not join agencies because they fear that it will make them appear desperate or look like they are prostituting themselves. In Russia there are a growing number of prostitution websites which look very similar to agency websites. An average Russian woman is proud, refined and conservative and she is very sensitive as to how other people see her. Accordingly she doesn’t want to appear like a commodity for sale.
You will want to keep in mind that this is just a perception and in no way means that the women who have already joined agencies are anything less then the stellar women that are described on RWA. Given these stereotypes it takes courage and a good streak of independence for both Russian women and American men to work with an agency.
7. What are some of the scams that bad marriage agencies use?
At the root of all scams is some type of bait and switch operation. For example I know of a well known agency which has a US office in a major Texas city which is the absolute epitome of a scam operation. It is very polished and it even put on a good show for a national TV news magazine doing a story on it.
It first sponsors a regional beauty contest where it photographs all of the girls who register and collects their personal information. It will then post these pictures and profiles on it’s marriage agency website without the girls knowledge or permission. It also steals photographs and profiles from other agencies and claims them as their own. In one case it actually posted the profile of a lady who was a friend of mine and who was already engaged.
The men who visit this website are tricked into believing that these girls are available and so this agency charges men into buying “tokens” which will allow them a certain number of letters to be exchanged back and forth. The letters from the girls are fabricated in order to keep the men buying additional tokens.
This same agency offers to send out a “Free” video CD of these girls and it cleverly hides the fact that it will send you out additional CD’s and charge your credit card a large amount of money without clearly telling you that it will do it.
Finally, if you still don’t catch on to this and they manage to convince you that your dream girl is waiting for you (with their fabricated letters) and you fly to Russia to meet her you might be disappointed in knowing that when you get here that she might not be available for you but instead they have a lot of other “ladies” who would love to meet with you while you are here.
Some marriage agencies also use modeling agencies as fronts (when there is very little hope that these women will ever get a modeling job in Russia) to attract girls.
Some agencies have a financial incentive in seeing you fail at finding your true love because they earn more money with every subsequent trip that you make to try again. As a result some agencies have actually sabotaged their men’s attempts at finding their true love. This is incredibly cruel because it plays with peoples hearts and it discourages real people from finding real love.
For both American men and Russian women there are some real potential hazards that one needs to be aware of in deciding to go down this path. The risk can be high but so too can the rewards for those with enough patience, heart and smarts to choose the right course.
18. Do many Russian women speak English?
Before I answer this question I need to give you a little background on English in Russia first.
English is the world’s international language and as American’s we are extremely lucky that this is the case. Learning English is a mandatory subject in most Russian schools so it is not unusual to find Russian students who have been studying English for 4 to 10 years even before they start their university studies! For example I have been to children’s summer camp that was solely devoted to teaching a wide range of Russian children English. At the university level studying English is still popular and often mandatory as an elective along with whatever their chosen degree is.
More then half the songs that are played on the radio are popular American songs and Hollywood movies dominate the Russian landscape. Some measure of news about America is heard on a daily basis. English is the most popular language to learn and Russian people who speak it well tend to have a great deal of intellectual and cultural status within this society. I was even surprised to learn that many Russians learn English in order to travel and communicate in Europe (since Europeans also use English as a common language between them) even though most of them never go to England because of their strict visa requirements.
Although this general interest in English is positive news for American Men most Russian women who have graduated from a university simply don’t have any practical reasons to speak and to maintain their English skills. Therefore most Russian women past their mid 20’s speak English only at a basic level. The good news is that they very much understand it’s importance and are willing to get to a proficient level of speaking if given a good reason to do so. There is a growing realization with Russian people that if they don’t lean English then the world might just pass them by.
19. I’ve heard that Russian women are not religious is this true?
During the old communist times the Soviet Union only allowed personal and spiritual allegiance to the State. There was a great deal of conditioning that was used to convince it’s citizens that “Religion was the opiate of the masses” as Karl Marx had said.
If you were raised in an environment where you were taught that religious or spiritual beliefs are akin to taking drugs and if this idea is emphasized for 70 years across three generations of Russians then you can see why most Russian people are not “openly” religious. I emphasize the word “openly” because the people who are religious here are still very much “in the closet” about it and fear being ridiculed if it is known.
In general Russian women are not religious. They will attend Christmas or Easter services but that is mostly out of cultural traditions and not because of belief. I have noticed a general interest in Russian women wanting to learn more about religion and religious ideas since as human beings they are also trying to find the answer to our origin and purpose.
The most widely accepted religion in Russia is the Orthodox Christian Church which is experiencing a new revitalization since the Russian government is openly encouraging it once again to grow in order to help re-instill cultural pride with it’s citizens. If a Russian woman calls herself a Christian what she really means is that she is an Orthodox Christian.
20. I have never been to Russia. What’s is this country and it’s people like?
That’s a little like asking what the United States and it’s people are like but I’ll give this question my best try.
Russia is an absolutely gigantic country that spans across 11 time zones. It would take 9 hours to fly across it by commercial jet. Siberia by itself (which encompasses more then half of Russia) is almost twice as large as the US!
Most people who travel to Russia usually only go to St. Petersburg or Moscow. St. Petersburg which is on the outer western border of Russia is considered by many to be an elegant European city since this is what Peter the Great who was the founder (and leader of 19th century Russia) wanted this magnificent city to be.
Moscow is the political and business center for Russia. It is a vast city and it is most famous for it’s huge fortress like Kremlin (which is like the White House and Capital Hill all rolled into one) Red Square, and St. Basil’s Cathedral. Moscow has such a concentration of business and political resources that it is not generally considered to be of the same characteristic of a typical Russian city.
Russia has vast spans of mostly flat land dotted with various cities that vary widely in population from a few hundred thousand to a few million. These various cities are heavily industrialized turning out everything from bread to rail-road cars. Most of the buildings are drab looking since during Soviet times construction techniques always emphasized function over form.
Much of this emphasis on function only is true for almost all of Russia. Buildings, cars, buses, trains, roads, restaurants, stores, supermarkets, hospitals and schools all have this really rugged look to them. It may look like it doesn’t work but it’s like your neighbor’s old beat up Volkswagen that just doesn’t die.
The food is great. Meats and vegetables are almost always fresh because of a bustling network of open markets and there is a large variety of Russian dishes that are very tasty especially if you like soups, rye breads, cheeses, sausages, smoked fish and smoked hams. Beef and chicken dishes are also very good as well. Russian women as a rule are great cooks.
People on the street generally keep to themselves and tend to have this very serious (sometimes grim) expression on their faces. Pop, techno and folk music is played everywhere. Public transportation is ubiquitous and very inexpensive. It can get very hot in the summer time and as you probably know brutally cold in the winter. Russia is probably most famous for it’s winters which reminds me of Minneapolis during the winter. Hockey is the national sport of choice and Russian players almost never get into a fight like NHL players although they allow players to hit each other more “creatively”.
Alcohol is everywhere since on every street corner and in every store you can get huge varieties of vodka and beer. Men (and sometimes women) gathered together drinking on the street seems to be a national past time here and it often leads to many scenes of public intoxication. Unfortunately because of this there is usually a great deal of broken bottles and litter on the streets. Fortunately they have public cleaning crews that clean the streets early in the mornings.
Russian people love to party, sing and dance and will make their own music if needed. You will never be with a group of people in your life who know how to cut loose and have a good time like Russians do (I have been to Australia and I can still say this). But at the same time they love to talk politics and culture and can be extremely opinionated people. They know what is black and white and they know what is wrong and right. I discovered that you will get along just fine with them as long as you acknowledge that everyone else is wrong and they are right!
Russian people generally have a very cool and collected exterior that contains either a comfortable warmth or a burning inferno of inner emotions. Their language is similarly complex and it is the perfect medium for them to express this emotional depth.
Coupled with all of this is a lethal combination of intelligence and cultivation which a close American friend of mine once described by saying, “We have a lot to learn from these people.”
I could go on for days describing Russia but the most striking thing that Russia has is it’s mystery which many generations of outsiders have also recorded throughout history. Like it’s people, Russia has a mystique to it that is unlike any other country that I have ever visited. Russians themselves will also tell you this because even they think it’s a mystery!
The mystique of Russia reaches far beyond it’s borders and even into America. I know this because if I told my friends that I was going to Europe they would yawn and say “have a good time.” However the moment I told them I was going to Russia they looked at me as if they had just seen a UFO land in their backyard and said, “Whoa! Your going to Russia?!”. I was tempted to tell them “yes” and that I was going to take a ride on that UFO to get there.
Russia, like it’s women, is a huge mystery because one moment it reaches out to embrace you with all the love in the world… And then in another moment it can reach out to squash you like a bug. That is probably why everyone here affectionately calls this country “Mother Russia”.
21. How do I court a Russian Lady?
Courting a Russian lady is like going back to a simpler and nobler time. I’d recommend that you dust out your archives and find out what gentlemen did to profess their undying love to maidens in waiting and I’m quite serious about this. Since you are an American man you are going to have to forget everything you think you know about (modern) women and go back to knowing what it was like to be a real man.
I’m not going to give you any details for a reason and the reason is simple. You first have to find your inner man again and get reacquainted with him since he’s probably been “Missing In Action” for a long time. You will need to re-discover the manly wisdoms of old by reconnecting with that warrior, teacher, or healer that’s within you.
You will have to know that being a deserving husband to a deserving wife is a natural extension of this identity and your God given right. But most importantly you will have to claim all of this as your own. You are going to have to go out and climb this mountain to get the one woman you have desired in your life. She’s here and she’s waiting for you. But always remember that she will not suffer fools or charlatans.
This journey will be about how much tenacity, tenderness and heart you have because doing this is not going to be easy and nothing worthwhile is. But for the few men who do this right their happiness is beyond compare.
I can personally say that if you actually have the initiative to fly over here you will see what I have seen and you will never be the same. You will immediately ask yourself one of two questions, “How long can I stretch this trip out?” or “How soon can I get back here again?” Furthermore you will never look at the women you were used to the same way again.
In the immortal words of a friend of mine who greeted me at the airport the first time I returned from Russia, “Welcome back to American. Now your screwed.”
Russian Women - The Real Truth 
August 8, 2006 at 6:20 pm
[…] So the blog is basically about a guy from the States who now lives in Russia. He is fascinated with Russian Women. Which is absolutely wonderful. If you want to know more about this blog, I highly recommend reading the F.A.Q. […]
October 13, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Too true. Courting a Russian woman is like courting in the west fifty years ago. I am finding this courting refreshing in a way, and the words you use are spot on. I will do whatever I need to do to win the heart of this most beautiful woman(inside and out) I have ever met.
June 10, 2009 at 3:47 am
If you do, I’m sure you will really win over her. So inform us if you do. I will try my luck by following same strategies to win on my Russian lady of my life.
October 14, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Hi English Gentleman,
Welcome aboard Sir.. and thank you for your kind words of endorsement. Thank goodness there’s still a place in the world where we Men can remain courtly eh? 🙂
Anyways please tell your friends about us and please impart more of your comments too! Plenty to read and to ponder here.
Cheers.. GL
October 14, 2006 at 7:03 pm
Thank you GL, I can tell that you are a spiritual person. I visited my lady in Russia for the first time in September, after e-mailling, sending flowers, writing and sending Russian letters to her mail-box, and a few telephone converstions with her, since April of this year. I stayed for two weeks in her city in a rented apartment. I was shocked at first by the culture difference and soon realised I would have to,(and will still have to!) go through a traditional courtship. I have no regrets at all. A traditional courtship allows for something that is very important, and that is body language. In my case it gives me time to assess her body language and to respond appropriately at the right time. I have read on other forums about how ice cool Rusian women can be and my lady was no exception. Whatever time it takes I will be there. Needless to say, I will be going out again to visit, and court her, soon.
October 14, 2006 at 8:22 pm
I would also like to add that in my particular situation the courtship, that I am pleasantly enjoying, will not be right for everyone. My lady and I are over forty and after researching what has occurred in her country, over her adult life, and the fact that we both have had broken relationships, we will not be rushing in to things. Each case will be different, but for me I know where my destiny lies.
October 15, 2006 at 7:05 am
Hi english gent..
I wish you all the luck in the world my friend with your courtship please keep us posted.
It’s a NICE feeling to know your destiny isn’t it? To have that level of certainty and direction as a Man is indeed a precious thing.
Cheers! GL
October 25, 2006 at 12:52 am
What do women in Russian , Ukrainian and other countries in that area feel about Africian Amercian men. When I view all the tour sites i never see any Africian American men. Plus some women have in their preference white/eruopean men. I would hate to waste money on a tour just to be shot down. I also notice a lot of tall women , I a 6’5′ tall 55 years old and still in the Military Reserves so I am in very good physical shape.
Ben
October 25, 2006 at 2:26 am
Hi Ben Lee,
Welcome aboard. Completely depends on the woman.. I’ve met more then a few ladies here who would love the idea of meeting and dating an African American. Black Men are extremely rare over here so if you come be prepared to feel like a celebrity as everyone wants to have their picture taken with you. Also Wesley Snipes is a big star here and if you even remotely have his shape.. well you get the idea..
Because of all the media attention on MTV and Movies American Black Guys are treated like exotic Men with many people. Certainly there is racism here as is everywhere but overall the few black guys that I’ve met had very few problems.
Aside from race the best thing to realize is how anyone carries himself from a cultivation standpoint. If you are viewed as a “high status” man then regardless of your nationality this will be of great benefit to you. Good Luck! GL
February 7, 2007 at 1:17 pm
sorry everyone to dissappoint you all,
I can say with absolute certainty that FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE OF LIVING IN RUSSIA ……….. . I’m 43, tall, handsome intelligent and available and have a good income and am single and kind and gentleman, clean , noncoholic or drugs ,, untatooed etc. also modest and put others before myself.
A year here and nothing………
Now what do you say??
Stuart
February 7, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I say “Go west, young man!”
And stop when you hit Ukraine.
February 7, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Stuart,
If you read my post..
You would have read that even my buddies who are originally from Siberia but now working in Moscow cannot find a decent girl there. These guys are Handsome, Young and pretty well off financially Russian guys. Instead they come back to Siberia to find serious Girlfriends and they have.
You are mistaken if you are going to judge all of Russia and the FSU by your time in Moscow.
Everyone in Russia knows a common saying..
“Moscow is not Russia”
Open your mind.. listen to guys like Craig.. quit complaining and travel to a different area like the Ukraine for example. Especially the East side of the Ukraine. It’s all reachable within a day’s journey by train.
Or if you are serious about this I can help you but you will need go into this with a positive attitude from the start or nothing will work out for you..
Email me if you wish at galacticlove@gmail.com
February 7, 2007 at 7:19 pm
I realized once that the women I am initially attracted to, in casual browsing, all have one thing in common: a certain look in the eyes. It’s hard to describe what that is exactly. It could be called a combination of warmth, depth, intelligence, perceptiveness, sensitivity, strength, self-possession … a sense that she has so much to give, but doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve. This is very rare, and completely in the eye of the beholder, of course. (btw, the much-maligned Lena from Photos 16 exemplifies this for me.)
So I decided to do a quick flyover at 30,000 feet to see just how rare this is. I started in Ukraine profiles. I looked through about 250 profiles, and counted 20 women who had anything like this look in their eyes, and of those, only about 5 who I would seriously consider finding out more about.
Then I turned my attention to Russia. Again, about 250 profiles. Guess how many even came close to having this look? None. Not one.
Most were from the big cities for some reason, and they all looked cheap and flashy. Vamping it up for the camera, loads of makeup, self-conscious and over-the-top provocativeness. Lots of bikini shots, and even some “tastefully” topless. Lots of pictures of “Look at me in my car!” “Look at me in my boat!” “Look at me on vacation in some exotic place!” “Look at ME! I’m HOT and you WANT me.”
And their ads could have been written by an American woman. “Here’s what I expect, what you must be, and what you will provide for me. me me me”
My scientifically invalid verdict, based on research over a couple glasses of vodka one night: Urban Russian women are American women, except with much gaudier clothes.
February 26, 2007 at 11:48 pm
RW, i have noticed a lot of sites on the web relating to exposing “scams” concerning russian women. some of them list names and photo’s of the women who have been caught. do you have a favorate or know of a “good” site for checking on women we may be in contact with-? perhaps a central database-? of scammers-???
thanks, Dave
February 27, 2007 at 4:24 am
Craig,
I somehow missed this post you made way back when and it’s got some interesting point is it. That’s why I always say that probably 99% of the Women in RU are not a part of any agency because of various issues related to not wanting to be seen as a commodity.
Thanks again for your post..
GL
February 27, 2007 at 4:26 am
Welcome Back Dave,
I really haven’t spent anytime keeping up with that aspect of which sites you are talking about. I’m sorry I can’t offer you any more help here so you will just need to play that one by ear. Good Luck..
GL
March 6, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Hey GL, hows it going-?
is there a way to check a Russian e-mail address-?
not the server, as in rambler.ru but the actual e-mail address, like we can do with yahoo, MSN, ect. in order to see who the e-mail addres really belongs to. i know the name it is registered to could be false but it is a way to start to verify some of the women i am in contact with. thanks, Dave
March 7, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Hi Dave,
I don’t know any automatic ways to doing this but I may be able to help you find out what’s actually going on through my own efforts. Drop me an email at galacticlove@gmail.com.
Cheers GL
March 14, 2007 at 11:15 am
GL, did this really happen? I’d like to hear more about this story. “Remote Control Unit” is somewhat of a vague term. I’d like to hear more about the specific nature of the device that your girlfriend planted on you.
More importantly, is it often that Russian women plant devices on people?
–Luke
March 14, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Luke,
Re-read this link to understand what I’m saying here more deeply about a real woman’s remote control powers..
Have Fun.. GL
March 15, 2007 at 9:10 am
oh…
So you were using it as a metaphor.
ok…
May 30, 2007 at 4:00 am
I just wanted to say Thank you for your work in putting this site together. The ladies are more than beautiful, and I have learned a great deal. Once again, Thanks.
June 18, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Dear Sir,
I am writing because all tho I believe that thier still some good women in Russia.My situation is that I met a bad one.My wife and wrote to each other for over 18 mo.Then we met in Italy for 3 weeks.She seem to be the real thing.She is 55 and I am 65.She arrived in the USA on Nov.22 and we were married on Feb.10th and she left me on March 18th.She is now claming abuse and I am having to spend a lot of money to defend myseld.Can you steer me to a group that has gone through same situation as I am going through.So that I might get some help as to how to defend myself.Since our own goverment won’t do anything to help me.I never did the change od stuas for her she left before I had a chance to mail all the paper work,So any help that you might be able to give would be very helpful.
Thank you
Frank Renzo
June 19, 2007 at 6:18 pm
This will sound pretty mean; but here goes. I am assuming that her claim of abuse is unjustified. File for divorce, then call immigration.
June 19, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Hi Frank,
Sorry to hear about how your situation unfolded. I really don’t know enough about what happened to make a comment on it unfortunately.
However if you do decide to meet with another Russian Lady I would HIGHLY recommend that you do it IN RUSSIA and not in any foreign or exotic location like Italy that may give the wrong message to the wrong types of women.
You may have just offered her the free express pass to Disneyland in her mind by conducting your courtship in that way.
I don’t know of any support groups who can help you unfortunately. I just hope that you can cut your losses as soon as you can and move on to a better woman for yourself.
Good Luck..
GL
June 19, 2007 at 10:27 pm
That sucks, Frank. All I can say is good luck to you.
RW_man: I realize that the answer to the following question is probably “DUH!!” but: is it a red flag when an RW asks you specifically what your income is, e.g. “Do you make more or less than $80,000 per year?”
June 27, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I’ve begun an e-mail / yahoo friendship with a Russian Female from Yaroslavl. She just turned 21 for her birthday I sent her Roses. I am starting to like her and look forward to her conversations. I would like to do something special for her she will be finishing up her Exams within the next 3 days. Any suggestions on something I could do for her or send her from long distance besides Florida or Candy.
Help.
June 1, 2009 at 6:55 am
That’s really hard to say. Russian women take their graduation pretty seriously. Whould she want flowers or maybe something more than that? Russian people usually make more expensive presents to each other than Americans. You probably might want to get her a cute Florida T-shirt or a teaddy bear or something that would introduce her to American culture. Just keep things really innocent, and if you don’t know what she likes just follow your heart. If you give her something that is too small, something like one piece of a candy, she might think that you are too cheap, just find a medium between a small and a huge present.=) I know Russian women are very curious about American clothes, so a shirt that has Florida or California letters on it, would be the best present for her.
July 14, 2007 at 5:36 am
GL,
I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and personal experiences regarding Russian woman. I have knowledge in many areas, but absolutely zero exposure dating or communicating with Russian woman up until a month ago. Unexpectantly, I have found myself to be having some serious dialogue with a woman in Penza. If you have the time, please read below to better understand my situation. I dont expect you to feel burdoned that whatever you say is the only solution…I simply could use some honest advice.
So I live in AZ. I am outgoing, but I utilize the online dating resources to suppliment the flow of women in my life. Out of left field, I was contacted by a woman in Penza, Russia. She found my profile on an American dating site. I must say, I started dialogue with her out of pure curiousity with no expectations whatsoever of our talks going to the next level. She sent me photos…nothing provacative just normal photos…no doubt this woman is BEAUTIFUL! She is 31 years old, has a higher education and works for a major Insurance company…starts with an A? At any rate, beauty aside I have grown to have some serious feelings towards her. We have emailed each other every day (except weekends as she uses company internet) for the past month. Our topics have covered just about everything, and she has told her parents about me…I even rec’d and email from her Mother wanting to make sure I am a good guy and what my intentions are with her daughter. I am not some lonely schmuck who cant find a girl in America so I find myself questioning my own judgement….right now my judgement tells me I am falling in love with this girl and I have not even met her! We just had our first phone conversation a couple of days ago and it melted me!
So here is where I am at. She is telling me that she is falling in love with me and that her dream is to find a loving man to start a family with. I am 32 and have a 3 year old son, but I would love to find a loyal partner to have more children with. She wants to come to America and has presented me with options. She told me that there are 2 visas in which she could utilize to meet me. There is a tourist visa and a bride visa. She indicated the tourist visa is less complicated and probably the best option since we have never met. She told me she has saved $1800 and is willing to spend that to meet me. She told me that there are several steps to obtain the Visa…paperwork, medical examinations, meeting at embassy in Moscow, etc. She told me that this total cost will be around $1500 and that she will pay that. The only other expense after that point would be airfare from Moscow to Phoenix. She asked if we could divide the cost on airfare from Moscow to Phoenix. I am not opposed to this and feel that I can trust her, but at the end of the day how can I really trust someone I have only met on the internet…you know? I was hoping you could help educate me on expenses. Does it sound reasonable to you that she is being honest about the Visa costing $1500? Next, I have researched airfare from America to Russia. Unfortuneately, on the travel sites it will not allow me to view flight costs from Russia to America….is it a different cost to depart from Russia as opposed from US? If so, how much of a difference…I have seen some flights as low as $1000 roundtrip. Last question, Does my dialogue as I described sound to be genuine? Is it normal for Russian woman to be so willing to visit a man in America that they know nothing about? I greatly appreciate your help and hope you have some helpful insight.
Johnny
July 14, 2007 at 7:56 am
Hi Johnny,
Thanks for writing in.
I see 4 Red Flags on this.
1. She contacted you on a dating site.
2. You say you are falling in love with a woman you’ve never physically met which is a complete NO NO in this arena.
3. She says she’s falling in love with you.
4. She wants money for a visit.
Solution..
You need to go to Russia to see her first and not the other way around Johnny. There is no way you can no for sure unless you go there and see for yourself who she is and what she is all about. If she’s legit she will go out of her way without any excuses to make proper arrangements for you and she would be excited that you are taking the time to go meet “her mother”.
No matter how sweet any woman sounds to you on the phone and on email.. it’s up to the man to go see her first in Russia and not the other way around.
Hope this helps..
GL
July 15, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Hi Johnny,
Here is a solution you may consider. That is for both of you to meet in Ukraine and take a holiday there. You won’t need a visa to go there and neither will she. She can save even more if she would consider transit by train. You both would save of the expense and time required of the visas.
Good luck,
-M
September 25, 2007 at 1:14 pm
One more thing GL. I would feel more comfortable with the over 40 women thinking she would be more mature and sincere. Where do I find her/
John
September 25, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Just noticed my original comment was deleted when I made an addition,so I will start over. I am 61, divorced for 16 years and no luck with American women. Work as superintendent in condo bldg, so when I retire I will need a place to live. Money is scarce so I can’t come to Russia, though it sounds like a good idea. Tatyana contacted me on June 4 on Love&Seek.com and we have been writing daily and have exchanged photo’s(all in good taste). She is only 28 and eager to come and says all the nice emotional things a man likes to hear. I told her I can’t provide her with children and have no money and she still wants to come. When she asked for money, I told her it is not proper and she never asked again. She was in a marriage agency and said there were simple minded men and prostitution. She doesn’t like alcohol and abhors the vulgar actions of young men drinking. Sounds like a nice girl, but probably a scammer. Why is she persisting for so long? I would be more comfortable with a woman over 40. Where is she? Thanks.
John
June 1, 2009 at 7:01 am
She is 28 and you are 60. She must be pretty desperate to go for you. Please look for someone who is at least 50. Many of these women just want your money. Why would she ask you for money, even when you said you have none? Sounds like there is no logic in here. She can’t find any men of her age there, because there is a shortage of nice younger men there. I double she is sincere. She wants to marry you and then get divorced, and she will get American citizenship at the end. Sounds desperate but many do that. Not all Russian women, but many of them, so you need to be careful.
September 28, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Love your blog. FYI the US Census data reveals that if current Trends continue. Within 20 years 25% of US Marriages will be to Foreign Women. This is no doubt the reason Feminists are in a panic back in the US. And why IMBRA was passed. I applaud the service you are doing to the oustanding Women of Russia and American Men both seeking happiness. In this Vale of Tears.
This is why the US media is trying to censor your view. Kudos to you, I have recommended to my younger Sons. When they are old enough to Marry to consider marriage to a fine Woman from Russia or the Ukraine. And to live overseas for a couple of years, where English is not spoken. And women are not mentally impaired with Feminism.
October 15, 2007 at 6:16 pm
GL is absolutely correct. You need to dust off the original manual for courting a lady.
I was in Russia in March and July 2007, courting one girl, in Yoshkar-Ola. I resonded to some things in a way that would seem normal here in America – and it did not work out well with her.
Russian girls are proud but also very delicate. You have to use great care and sensitivity in order to have a successful relationship there.
Russian women are completely different from American women.
David Merwin
December 18, 2007 at 11:05 am
My wife is from Yoshkar-ola and I lived there with her…. I gave my wife lots of attention and gave her small gifts and flowers every two months, i wrote her everyday… since we went through a small agency there were other guys writing her, but i guess i did something right with good old fashion attention and romance, as i am the one married to her now. my wife is an extremely good looking woman, that wears no make up… she told me later after we ere married that there were 17 other guys vying for her attention writing her letters…
February 24, 2008 at 6:24 am
I am 30 year old male and I have been dating a young 21 year russian women for 8 weeks. She is here on a student visa and plans to stay too further her education in accounting. She has alot of qualities I prefer but she is cold and blunt. I do everything too impress her but she seems like it’s a common thing for her. I like to please, so it didn’t bother me at first but now it’s getting on my nerves. I can tell she comes from a weathly family and is used to getting her way. I have broken up with her twice already and she still wants to be with me. My question is should I stay and hope it gets better or leave? I understand she is new to this country and I would be freaked out if I went to a foreign country. I hope she improves in the communication department. Any suggestions?
February 25, 2008 at 5:30 am
Hi Dave,
I don’t think this girl is for you given what you’re telling me but if you think there’s a chance then I’d highly recommend that you set down some serious ground rules and for her in order to keep you as her boyfriend.
Just politely talk to her and say look I’m sure you will do fine here in the US on your own if you choose that but if you want to be with me then we will need to change some things etc..
Come up with a mental list of things you want changed and just lay it out politely.
If she violates it then just start walking.. She’s either going to wise up and come around or she’s gone.. Either way you will be a better off man for establishing your position and moving on if you need to.
Good Luck, GL
March 7, 2008 at 4:05 am
I have come across a young russian woman on Craigslist personals lately.
We have e-mailed 4/5 times (w/pics) and her letters were long and seem very genuine(??).
From the first one she sent it stated she was coming to the US on a work visa and was getting the paperwork together at the time. She said she could choose anywhere she wanted and the “agency” would send her there, and everything will already be paid for. Even suggestions on where to work.
All she says that she wants is to meet a “kind” man. She’s shared all these “dreams” about having a better life and to meet her man. She just wants someone to “meet” her at the airport so she isn’t alone in a strange place.
I haven’t said anything out of place to her. Like I’ll do it…or your hot…or you can live with me…..or anything other than be careful out there….and take your time getting to know whom your dealing with…
Of course when she finally gets her travel papers she will “send” them to me to see when/where/whatever.
Yes…she is HOT and seems sweet and genuine and blah, blah, blah. HELP!!!!!!
If the $$$ issue comes up then I’ll know. What if she actually comes???????????????? Can I trust it then ??
June 12, 2008 at 5:52 am
rw_man,
Ever feel like you just woke up from a nightmare that lasted about 10 years?
That’s how I felt when I first met my girlfriend, a stunning 27 y/o raven-haired siren originally from Eastern Russia. We’ve been dating seriously for about 4 months now and for me to say she is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met would be doing her absolutely no justice.. She is everything any man could ever want and more..
Our situation is a little different however. She was already here in the states for about 4 years when we met so she is already a bit westernized.. So sadly I don’t have the galvanizing experience of seeing Russian culture first hand yet.
Thus in my furtive quest to learn more about Russia, and it’s women in particular I found this site and out of curiosity have been discussing some of your posts with her..
Suffice it to say that if I had a dollar for every time she burst out laughing and said to me “oh my god that’s absolutely true” we’d probably be flying out to meet her mamashka right now..
What makes this all the more fun is that I’m a first generation child of Asian immigrants with my own cultural peculiarities. We spend a lot of time saying “YEAH WE DO THAT TOO!!!” whenever we discuss our cultures while laughing our asses off.
I have you to thank for helping me bridge a cultural gap not only between Asian and Russian but also between American and Russian, and for giving my lady and I a wealth of things to talk about, laugh about and share..
When we stop laughing at each other, I’d love to share some of our experiences with you sometime rw_man.. Hopefully you will find them as humorous as we do.
Cheers
R_G_D
June 12, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hello RGD,
Your story was a heck of alot of fun to read. I’m glad you and your lovely Eastern Siberian Siren are enjoying yourselves over my reads. Obviously whatever the two of you can share about your own story the better.. By the way.. what are you waiting for.. when are you going to pop the question for her??? 🙂
Have Fun,
GL
June 28, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Hi, I hope you can help. I dont know who to talk to about this. I met a Russian woman about a year and a half ago and have been living together in Russia. We are engaged and getting the required paperwork. Everything was going great until 6 months ago. Then her whole personality changed. She use to want to talk on the phone and send SMS when I was away working in the oil patch. This was everyday. She use to be concerned. Now she doesnt want the phone calls when I am away working and will do everything to tell me not to call in the evening. When I do call in the evening she gets very upset. She is now spending tons of time with her girlfriends instead of me. I am at a loss. I have no idea what happened. She still wants to get married but now I am treated like a second class citizen.
I havent changed. I still work hard at work and also in the home. I am in good terms with her mum and son and nothing seems to have changed there.
I dont know what to think. She tells me she loves me but her actions dont follow. She is cold and distant and looks for ways to get out of the house. I have tried talking to her but she just gets very very upset and blames me for imagining everything. I hope you can help because I am losing my mind.
Thanks
September 12, 2008 at 7:12 am
After reading through this site I have to say this is an extremely interesting topic and that GL creates a refreshing, poignant blog. Very well done.
September 12, 2008 at 8:45 am
Hi Paws..
Much thanks for your endorsement especially since it seems like you’ve taken the time to read through this entire site. 🙂
Please feel free to tell any relevant story or contribution on your part as well.
Good luck to you..
GL
September 12, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Gl,
I will read something 2-3 times before I comment on it and when I came across your blog, I had to stop and do a “What you talkin’ bout Willis?” Most of what you are saying seems counter-intuitive in our society. We are in a culture that revolves around self-interest and instant gratification, and like I said your take on things refershing to say the least.
Thanks,
September 13, 2008 at 5:55 am
Different Strokes for different folks 🙂 I love it! Well the same applies here and you are starting to see that i think from the blog. Cheers.. GL
September 28, 2008 at 10:13 pm
GL,
Brilliant, insightful & definitely helpful!!!
Thanks GL & my best regards,
Simo
December 20, 2008 at 7:37 pm
I stumbled across this blog the other day and while I find it very interesting I must say part of it put a bad taste in my mouth. I know this blog is dedicated to how wonderful Russian women are and as my uncle just this past thanksgiving having married a woman from Russia originally, I can contest that at least her my new Aunt’s account are very smart, witty, pretty, and reserved. Yes, he met her here in America, she came her on her own, at 22, to better her chances in a career, she is a financial analyst. Like I was saying though I am a little disheartened in this blog, because every time American women are mentioned, we are portrayed as staunch feminist, who are loud and rude and don’t care about men treating them well. As a young women of 20, I personally can say this in not the case for most women I interact with or myself. We still want a man who courts us, who genuinely loves us for us and shows it. Being a conservative woman, I don’t think it is right to generalize all American women as these bra burning feminist for that is not the case. There are plenty of women here who greatly appreciate and value a good man in their life and are searching for one. So men, don’t give up hope on your own country, because we are not all the same. There are truly some valuable women in this country, such as myself, that have the same characteristics that those Russian women that are celebrated to possess.
December 20, 2008 at 7:38 pm
must also say about my aunt she has been here for 10 years before they met, she is currently 32 and my uncle 42
December 20, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Kristin,
I respect your statements partly because you are quite young and maybe in part because you view yourself as a conservative, but there is a world out there that even my generation refuses to acknowledge, mostly because of American apathy and self centeredness. That world is the forced agenda of numerous minority interests which include to no small degree radical feminism.
In the 50s and 60s when this “movement” took root, the average NA woman believed that she was doing her part for society by being a loyal wife, loving mother, meticulous homemaker, and much more. She was happy, content, fulfilled and most of all complete.
Then a handful of under achieving, outspoken and overly rude women took a socialist/communist view of the “plight” of women and labeled them as indentured servants, trapped in drudgery, and unable to speak for themselves. The daughters in a typically rebellious fashion of adolescence found new hope in the radical voices rather than in the stability and comfort of their mothers.
Fast forward fifty years and we find ourselves in a rebound of feminism where even staunch feminist claim to have nothing to do with such ideologies. Nothing could be further from the truth.
One close acquaintance of mine in Seattle, a professional woman in her mid forties, often speaks down to the entire feminist movement as something which never really existed and further denies any connection to those beliefs. Twice divorced, bringing in thousands a month in support and maintenance from her ex’s she lives a lifestyle she couldn’t possibly afford on her own income. Her jokes and discussions are almost always about “what some MAN has done that she would never be able to get away with” or her problems getting money from an ex who is nearly destitute because most of his income goes to her.
I won’t accuse you of being blind or dumb and I won’t run you down because we see the world differently. Please just realize that you do speak from a point of somewhat limited life experience. There are many ideological stands which I held at your age that have become clearer to me since. While my core beliefs have not changed much, my realistic understanding and acceptance of certain things are much more focused now, and I believe that over time yours will be the same.
The clear evidence in North America today shows an almost undeniable shift away from family values and the sanctity of marriage. I can’t imagine any sound argument against that reality. If it were mostly men who are forcing this shift, what would their motivation be? Loosing everything they have, being removed from the lives of their children, being left to decide between food and rent?
Many men today are clearly bitter and some on this site are quick to generalize regarding the women of NA these days, but they have a right to do so. To some degree because they have personally suffered from this state of affairs and also because we all have a right to openly express our thoughts and opinions, just as you do.
If there were so many women of virtue in our society today, both young and old, we would not see this site or any others like it. It is from need that such forums spring to life. While you may actually be a virtuous woman and also those who you associate with, remember that you are the minority by today’s standards. That makes you more desirable and I hope that in this light you maintain your beliefs and values despite the world in which we live. Your parents have my gratitude and you have my respect and prayers.
Warm thoughts and blessings for the holiday season and the future,
Richard
December 20, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Yeah, but Kristin, there just aren’t enough quality American women to go around.
December 21, 2008 at 5:46 am
Dear Sirs,
I respect and fully agree that the sanctity of marriage is in shambles and shame on American for loosing it’s moral standing. Watching what we are going through in this country now it is very self evident that is falling apart.
Though I am young, I have always been highly educated, with parents who held political discussions with me since I could basically talk and still have a strong moral, ethical, and yes religious base in my life. The lack of these in society is why our country is having so many problems today. Trust me sir that I am no fan of communism or socialism and will be ready to speak out against anything that threatens our countries democratic capitalistic system.
I do not disagree with you gentleman, that there are women today that go after men for their money, that don’t value a marriage (neither do a lot of men) though, this is not exclusive to just America. This own blog warns about women in Russia on those sites that are just after your money.
Having taken a class about relationships between men and women at my University, I know the history behind feminism (especially living with a strong liberal supporter of one, though her fiance loves it being liberal himself) and how relationships have changed. I do not need a historical lecture on this, besides history is one of my favorite subjects.
This does not however, change the fact that there are decent women such as myself here that would love for a man to court us, show us respect and value and have the same morals we do. You might see me as young but I have male friends,like you guys, that are 39 and 40s whom I have great mature conversations with. Although, this probably due to being an only child where the closest relative is 20 years older than myself. Anyway, Just because I am a 20 year old American woman, why am I any different from the 20 something Russian women you are seeking?
I do not hold myself to be ideological, I’ve always been know to be straight to the point, or I probably wouldn’t have spoken up here. I have not been so lucky to have not experienced hurt by men here as well, but that does not make me hate or point fingers at men, I learn from it. I learn how I do not want to be treated by a future husband, and what to look for in a partner. If I took your stance in taking all that hurt and giving it reason to dishearten me to men in America, I would have moved to another country by now too, but guess the Irish stubbornness in me prevails.
In fact, I myself have been in a long distance relationship for a year and half of the two years I have been dating him, he is also 25. So not all women here want a two year age difference as I read on a comment. For those women that are mature at young ages, older men (though I know 25 is not old) match us better on almost every level.
I am just saying that yes I understand your grievances, but please do not generalize all American women, which has been the case on this blog. As for that friend of yours who has blamed men for her problems, don’t be so hypocritical in thinking you men on here aren’t doing so much the same.
I am not trying to get into NAW vs RW debate for I would rather the men on here just look at love and life not so segregated, for all societies have good and bad women and men.
Thank you for your prayers, Lord knows we can’t have enough. I pray that you all of you find love and happiness wherever it may be.
Ps. I work for a blog myself, though not as popular as this one I am sure, the link should be attached if any are so interested.
December 21, 2008 at 6:20 am
hey I posted another comment on here but isn’t showing up, what’s with that?
December 21, 2008 at 6:46 am
On Feminism:
You know, there seems to be a lot of talk about feminism here. Personally though, I am not an anti-feminist. At the same time, I understand that feminism has played a role in the decline of America as a whole. But I am not here to blame feminists or bash American women like it seems some people do. To me, there are many causes for the bad state of affairs in America right now, just as there are many things driving my decision to look for a wife abroad. I am young and I (thankfully) have not been burned by bad relationships yet. I have had disappointments, but so has everyone else. Sure, dating in America is tough right now, and there are many reasons for that. But I am not the kind of person to blame others if things don’t go my way.
I personally like living in America. Not always easy, especially trying to search for a job right now, but life was never intended to be that way. Someone once said that the best things in life are the things you have to work hardest for and I agree. If you want a happy family, good career, and a loving wife, American or otherwise, you have to make the effort to obtain that. Life isn’t fair or equal. Deal with it and move on! I am constantly trying to improve myself in many ways, but it doesn’t mean I will be perfect. Everyone is entitled to their own idea of happiness, as long as that does not come at the expense of someone else’s happiness.
This whole “phenomenon” of searching for a foreign bride comes essentially from two things. The first is the physical existence of a very real population disparity in both America and countries in the east (mostly FSU countries). More men than women in America, and the reverse in the FSU. Factor in the number of “good, traditional, available” men and women, and the disparity is even bigger. If you want a better chance at a successfully finding your life partner, you will naturally go where the numbers favor you.
The second thing is what I refer to as the “cultural divide.” To me, this is a better explanation of the American woman vs. Eastern woman debate. In America, we are more individualistic and strive for self actualization through our own efforts. In the East, people are more communal and focus more on the family and helping each other achieve success. American women are told they are successful if they compete with men to climb the corporate ladder to have that great career. Eastern women are told they are successful if they find a good husband, have children, and raise that great family. If an American man wants to have that loving wife and family (as most of them do), then an Eastern woman is a good choice.
Of course this is just a generalization. In fact, most people marry in their own country and culture. Obviously, there must still be good American women and Eastern men available. It just so happens though, that there are less of them every day. Also, marrying foreign is just not an option for some people for different reasons. Again, life is not easy; it takes a great deal of patience, sacrifice, and effort to marry someone who knows very little of your life. But the rewards are great for those few men and women that actually do it.
My point is that everyone is free to choose how they want to be happy. A woman is not “bad” if she chooses a career over family. Just as long as she realizes that she probably will have to give up raising kids or find a man who will do it for her. To me, that is not an ideal marriage or family, but to each his/her own. I am not blaming these women for their choice, just as they should not blame me for mine. I wish everyone good luck in finding their true happiness, whatever that looks like. If I find a quality woman in America, great. If not, I know where to look.
December 21, 2008 at 8:01 am
Also one more thing, if this is a whole nice guys finish last thing, so do nice girls.
But in my humble opinion, both truly win in the end.
December 21, 2008 at 10:30 am
Kristin,
I’m sorry if you took my comments negatively. It certainly wasn’t a personal attack on your credibility. To see your response which seems quite defensive surprises me, actually. You are articulate and opinionated and for that I trust you to be educated and intelligent, and I respect your views whether I agree with them or not.
Though my words might question or challenge a point of view, they only intend to offer up other perspectives and possibilities. The value I find in sites like this is an open sharing of thoughts and ideas. Hopefully that respect is shared and returned.
Regarding some of the particular points which you have defended, we are almost entirely on the same track. I absolutely agree that there are fine women everywhere in the world including NA, and also that gold digging leaches are not exclusively found between the Mexican border and the Arctic Circle. We also agree that the moral fiber of America has been steadily eroding, and I think it is almost nonexistent in our current culture. We seem to agree that the lack of these ethical standards is a root cause of the decline in our social structure. I would further agree with you that there is no difference between a 20 year old American girl with high morals and standards such as yourself and a Russian girl with the same personal views. In fact, you would be even more desirable to most NA men by mere proximity.
As far as being ideological, even though you may not think of yourself in those terms your writing would suggest otherwise, and I personally consider that a very good thing. If you are not such, it would be one of the first times I have ever encountered a person of your age and education who wasn’t. What’s more, being ideological or being straight to the point are not two mutually exclusive tendencies. I would rather consider them almost one in the same. Ideological people tend to speak their mind and people who speak their mind are generally pretty ideological. We should use what we learn to establish firm convictions and unshakable base lines for our lives and that would seem to include our moral, ethical, political and most importantly spiritual stands. To me that sums up our ideology in a nutshell.
On the subject of feminism, if you are as you have said, highly educated and a fan of history, then you would be well aware that the women who founded the feminist movement were nearly all staunch supporters of socialism and most believed strongly in a true, Marxist form of communism. (By the way, I made no inference that I considered you to hold such beliefs.) But that lead in to feminism is a small part of a more insidious move away from traditional family values which include such destructive changes as affirmative action and quota hiring, the expulsion of any spiritual references in schools, cavalier views on abortion, parody for straight and homosexual marriage and a lot more.
As our nation succumbs to an ultra-liberal, anti-family and immoral mind set, good marriage partners become almost impossible to find. Surely it is not entirely the fault of money grubbing “feminazis” bent on destroying our world. I understand that. But please accept the math. Sixty percent of NA marriages fail in less than five years and over seventy percent of the women coming out of these marriages are being entitled by the courts with more than half of their former spouse’s income. If statistics offer us nothing else, they can at least track our past and hopefully guide us to a more realistic future. While I know that statistics can be skewed at times, some numbers seem to consistently point back to one source. In this case, it doesn’t seem to matter where I get my information. All sides seem to be saying the same thing. The men’s side is constantly complaining about it and the women’s side is constantly bragging about it.
I think your perception of “my stance on using all of the hurts in life to dishearten men to NA women” is inaccurate. It is also inaccurate to call the men here, myself included, hypocrites when the numbers bear out the frustration and animosity you see. If you read through the archives here you will see that I use the word “most” quite often and the word “all” quite sparingly. My generalizations come from life experience and are not ever meant to say ALL of a given group. When I say that “most” NA women have given up on their femininity and dignity, I do not mean every woman in North America. I do however mean ‘most’ as in the majority of them. When I see proof to the contrary, I will gladly accept it.
My friends are almost all between 28 and 40 years old. I’m 55. Two of the past three years I have hosted and mediated a ‘college and careers’ group in my home for young people who attend the same church as I do. There are many honest, value based, young men and women in our country and there are many more who have a great deal of hope for the future. It excites me to know this. But just as we will not all live 80 or 90 years, some will also fall from their views on what life is about and become some of those statistics I have been mentioning. Not because they particularly want to, but because life has sent them that way.
I would like to make a final point about education. It doesn’t really matter how learned your parents are or where you went to school. Your major, your electives and your socio-political activities are nearly irrelevant to this statement. Life and life alone is the most valuable educator in the world. As children we go to the schools our parents send us to. Some are better than others but it is not our choice. In high school we may get a little more say, but ultimately it is still being laid out in front of us in most cases. The first year of college is little more than an advance on our senior year of high school as we learn a more mature and slightly more independent direction as a student. But we choose a major and the school still primarily tells us what classes we will take.
I have no desire to insult you and would not want to say that you are “just like everyone else” so please understand that this is only my opinion. I have seen more, done more, been around more and have felt more in the last 20 years than probably anyone who is twenty years old. So has everyone else my age. Thirty five years from now you WILL have a more balanced perspective on life. That’s just the way it is. Everyone who tried to tell me that same thing when I was twenty got laughed at or ignored, but they were right.
December 22, 2008 at 2:18 am
“Believe me if you cross a Russian women by getting on her bad side then you’ve got problems brother. They will give more to you then any woman you’ve ever known but their boundaries and their expectations are strictly enforced and you better know what they are. As long as you treat them like a lady you will be fine.”
Wow, they sound just like women from the Philippines. They may look cute, but they act like little generals 😆
February 3, 2009 at 8:43 pm
This has been very interesting reading. I have met and now dating a Russian woman here in the US. I’m enjoy the cultural differences…she is very kind and loving…your site is helping me to better understand her and the difference between Russian women and NA women. More to come.
February 5, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I found this site last week quite randomly during a quiet nightshift and I have spent many, many hours looking through it since.
I was raised by a feminist and was surrounded by that ideology growing up. I admired her for her independence but I began to see early on what negative effects is had on her. While some of it made her a strong, independent woman, it also left her single for the last 40 years. She spent so much of her life being harsh, angry critical and pushed away so many that really cared for her. I have never known her NOT to be protesting something.
There have been some excellent writings from both sides and it’s caused me to reflect and at times question the many beliefs I was raised up with as a child. I don’t agree with all of what’s said on here but I share most of the ideals and thoughts.
I am not a bitter or jaded man but like most men in North America, I’ve been dragged through the dirt by failed relationships and the government that allows a woman to take your hard earned money and half your house after a short time of living together. There’s no doubt there has to be changes to this, but my point is about my belief that there has to be something better for me in a relationship. I’m a typical Canadian guy. I’m in my late 30’s and in very good shape. I’m active, outgoing and co-workers think I’m ten years younger. I’ve found it hard finding an active, in shape woman near my age group. The younger ones that I’m closer to on a physical level are immature mentally.
I think it’s inherent in all men, no matter how “liberated” we become, we still desire and want many of the discouraged and politically incorrect traditions of the nuclear family. I know of no man who doesn’t desire to be the head of the family. This by no means being arrogant, condescending, ignorant or an a$$hole, but simply the head of the family. How many of us joke around with our friends at work, in the garage, or in the change room before or after a hockey game about how we’d like to wear the pants in the family again? The sad thing is most of us go home frustrated because we know we’ve been suppressed for so long.
I am in emergency services and have a stressful job. When I come home after a 12 hour day I don’t enjoy being challenged, bitched at or otherwise criticized as I walk through the door. It doesn’t happen all the time but often enough. I just want a warm smile, hug and kiss because I made it through the day without getting assaulted.
I would never expect someone to automatically make me dinner, do laundry or clean. I’ve never believed it’s “women’s work” and never will. It’s simply a job that has to be done and if she’s at work I’d do it. I love cooking and am pretty good at it. I love it when I come home to a nice prepared meal, but it’s on a rare occasion and often because she wants something in return.
I have a g/f who’s a nurse. At first I thought it was the perfect match as we have so much in common. Now I see her as critical, controlling and stressed most of the time. I find I withdraw more, holding back my true thoughts and feelings as my frustrations grow and tired of the challenges and fights.
I see a lot of women in law enforcement, nursing and other emergency services. I see so many that are so focused on their careers they appear negative, controlling and extremely opinionated. I’ve seen and dated enough of them; no more.
Since reading through this fantastic site, I wonder about really finding that amazing woman who steals my heart and makes me WANT to court, romanticize and fall in love. Seeing that there still exists a wonderful blend of traditional, sensuality, beauty, and intelligence in the world fills me with hope.
It’s been a long time since I’ve met a woman who wasn’t jaded, spiteful, critical and loaded with tons of baggage.
The photos are beautiful. The amazing women overflow with beauty, grace, and sensuality.
Thanks!
Cam
February 20, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Miss Atom 2009: http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,608703,00.html
I am consistently amazed and pleased by the ability of many Russian women to attain professional and intellectual success while embracing their beauty and femininity.
I hope that many women here in the USA see this as an example to strive toward, rather than avoid.
Спасиба GL, for your insights and the great discussion forum!
-Орн
April 24, 2009 at 2:04 am
The saddest thing about this American trend is that is is a self propagating process. Just like the socialist mantra of entitlement sweeping through our formerly free market system, morals and family values are manifestations of the influence of the generation before.
I like to help answer question on yahoo! Answers, and there are a lot of young people, particularly young ladies, that go on there to ask questions about men, relationships, and life. They’re trying to learn how to be a woman, and they haven’t been indoctrinated in to feminism yet. The sad thing is that it will be their mothers, and to an even larger extent, the public education system that will make up their minds and turn them in to young feminists.
I may be only 20 as well, but this means I’m still in college and I fairly recent finished with the public education system. And let me tell you, federal education, with new standards and some bureaucrat waving a bunch of dollars over teachers’ heads if they teach what the Feds want them to, is a very dangerous thing. They more or less have direct control on the thoughts, ideas, opinions, and beliefs of the next generations.
Young American ladies are screwed. Their mothers are teaching them this stuff, their teachers are teaching them this stuff, telling them what they should be believing about themselves and how to reach happiness. This is a larger problem than declining morals. The only reason young ladies have these beliefs is because of the environment in which they were raised.
This is very much a problem, again, with our increasing inept political system. And none of it would be happening if we only respected our founding document.
In any case, these are probably lovely young ladies, guiltless but nonetheless poisoned by their corrupt mentors.
And, of course, the decline of the family, and then in American mores, are direct results of the scarcity of feminine ladies.
April 28, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Ok, I have lived with a Russian woman for two years. She had lived here in the states for 6 years before I met her. She is beautiful, well educated, very smart, and painfully romantic. That said living with her has been like keeping a needy pet. Before she moved in she wanted to follow me everywhere and do everything I wanted to do. Since moving in she has been pouty, uncommunicative, and a general pain. Her poutiness has destroyed trips to Spain, Nicaragua, and NY City. Now she wants to tag along with me to Ecuador and I really don’t want to bring her. Frankly, even though there are many things I adore about her our relationship is like a heavy weight around my neck and I’d love to end the relationship. That said I’m afraid it will hurt her very deeply and I honestly still can’t help but feel that this is in part my fault. Any suggestions?
April 29, 2009 at 2:08 am
Is she being pouty because she wants to spend more time with you than you want to spend with her?
April 29, 2009 at 2:57 am
John, yes… that’s one of the reasons. Though honestly I think I spend lots of time with her. I work a lot but aside from that I’m pretty much with her. But yes, she’s jealous of my work and jealous of my friends. Ofcourse when I’ve tried to involve her with my friends she won’t talk and gets upset that they don’t cater to her enough. I guess you’re right though that one of our big issues is that I’m totally the center of her world and she wants to be that for me. Well, that’s not me and I honestly don’t believe that’s healthy. When we met she had friends but she dropped them almost as soon as she moved in. Since then she’s relied almost totally on me for all her emotional support. I’m a pretty good and maybe even a great boyfriend but I make a crap girlfriend.
April 29, 2009 at 3:26 am
JC,
I understand and am fond of women with this type of nature, which they tend to reveal openly and without pretense. Of course, they are not suitable for everyone!
And what is healthy in any specific instance depends on the needs and compatibility of the people involved (and the consequent effects).
You two are obviously incompatible, so I think that you do need to end your relationship.
But give me a few days to come up with a constructive answer with information that may be of benefit to her.
April 29, 2009 at 3:34 am
Thanks John. The thing is that I really do love her but our relationship is just such a heavy weight on me. I don’t wish to hurt her and I’ve even suggested to her that she would be happier with someone who’s more domestic but she just keeps holding on tight. Anyhow, any suggestions would be welcome.
April 29, 2009 at 5:04 am
JC, since you two do love each other, would you be interested in exploring the possibility of staying together?
I think that connection and intensity are the actual issues, rather than anything like not being “domestic”. Once you have a passionate and profound relationship, you end up not sharing each other, even in the presence of others.
April 29, 2009 at 4:45 am
She really sounds like an amazing woman though. Before you drop her, maybe you could try reconnecting her with her friends, or getting her involved in local organizations, etc.
She doesn’t have work to make connections at. It isn’t unreasonable that you are her main connection in life. I think she probably needs the same thing that you do, and just needs a kick out of the door.
She may not like it, and there may be some tough love involved, but make sure she knows that doing other things and hanging with other people doesn’t suddenly mean you two are growing apart or the like.
April 29, 2009 at 11:44 am
Yep Cody, she can be an amazing woman which is why I have put up with some of her silliness. (And as an example of silliness let me point out that she was unemployed recently for almost a year, did not actively seek a job, and demanded that I do half the home chores while I was working 60+ hours per week trying to save my business in this economy) She does love me deeply but more in a clingy way, not supportive. I have been working on getting her some interests of her own. A month or so ago I mandated that she get new friends (I don’t really mind being the “center” of her world I guess it’s more the just being her “only” world that has been a burden). She has now found a couple russian girls that she has done things with the last couple weeks and talks to one on the phone. This is positive.Now that she really understands that I’m serious about pretty much being done with the relationship she is making some other changes as well. I’m not entirely optimistic but I’m hopeful. If I’d given up all hope I wouldn’t be writing you all here.
April 29, 2009 at 5:07 pm
JC,
I’d love to add some thoughts on your situation. Here’s the rub, as they say, I think you are the one who needs to do the most work if you truly want this to last.
My age and life experience offer me a pretty wide range of possibilities to share.
First of all, I wonder how much real, in depth communication took place before the decision was made to cohabitate. In all honesty, few of us make that choice with a clear head as we are generally allowing hormones to decide when we should start living together. I can assure you that there was some level of misunderstanding of each other’s wants, needs and desires or else you wouldn’t be where you are now.
Next, and probably the most important thought I have is how much are ‘you’ willing to give up or sacrifice to make this work? I really don’t mean how many things you want her to try in order to become less clingy and needy. I mean how many trips and activities of yours will you put off or eliminate in order to spend more meaningful time with her? This will accomplish several things that benefit both of you. You will be able to ‘show’ her how important she is to you and also how important time apart can be to the relationship. Also, you will be able to dispel the need she has now for being with you around the clock and around the calendar. The depth and value of your time together will usually dictate the amount of time you can spend apart without one of you being concerned about what the other is doing. She may have been severely hurt by abandonment somewhere in her past and consequently has developed separation anxiety issues. You have the unique opportunity to help her through these issues, or whatever it is that troubles her about not being with you all of the time and the process will definitely strengthen both of you at the same time.
Sending her off to old buddies as a way of giving her something else to think about or do is counter productive. It is essentially telling her that you want to wean her from you as a precursor to the ‘inevitable’ break up. Showing her the door at any level will never strengthen the two of you as a couple. The better option would be to seek out a whole new circle of friends. What is built together, withstands together. You can both keep old attachments but if either of you hope to grow as people or together as a couple, you will need to expand those horizons.
Take some time away from ‘all’ of your activities. If the travel you have mentioned is primarily work related it is impractical to have her with you on all of these trips, however if these various journeys are just your way of sharing a life together then stop going everywhere and spend some time driving, walking, boating or swimming around home and do whatever ‘she’ lists as her priorities for time together. Believe me; it is much easier to rethink your own hot buttons than it will ever be to ask someone else to do the same for you. Most of us men hate change. That’s just how it is. But give it a try, anyhow.
A loving relationship has only one focus and that is never on ‘self’. When you do enough for the other person, life has a funny way of repaying your efforts with an abundance of the things that bring you personal gratification.
Then, of course, there is another possibility, which is that you will only end up calling this a learning experience. There is always the chance that none of your ideas and work will pay off, and the relationship will end. But if you fail to make every conceivable effort, then you must walk away carrying a good portion of the blame and you will never know if you were smart enough and strong enough to make a good thing better.
April 29, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Richard, you make some very good points that I’m going to have to think about. Thank you very much for taking this much time and thought into your answer!
April 30, 2009 at 6:30 am
No worries, JC. I hope that you find what works. There is no such thing as an easy relationship. It may be that by opening up your concerns in a venue like this you can get enough feed back to rebuild the fire.
Cheers for now.
June 2, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Greetings,
From an Englishman who is fresh faced and younger than his years would dearly love to date a Russian woman given some of the facts provided which ticks all the right boxes. I know i dont help myself as i am very selective and my best love partnerships have been Deutch so far. I believe there is a magic which is not the same as dating your own nationals and a beautiful Russian woman would restore this special magic i search for so much. Any tips would be appreciated
Michael
June 13, 2009 at 10:56 am
hey,
im a serbian women and absoulutely obbssesed with russia and the russian men in particular. On the contrary though, I heard they do not really like foreign girls. I s that true or ?
June 13, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Zravo, Maja, nemoram da kazam sta ruski muzkarci ne vole strane zene. To je laz, povrh srpkinje su sve lepotice i niste strankinje =))
pozz!
November 16, 2009 at 12:56 am
My two cents: I have been involved with, and engaged to, a very lovely woman from Kemerovo, Siberia. She has two children from her previous marriage. Our relationship has spanned over 9 years. (Her youngest daughter was only an infant when we met.) Nope….we are still not married. Tons of circumstances have fouled things up…again and again. Embassies, paperwork, COSTS (!!! ), time constraints, travel…and my job ( I am a professional Mariner.) We are together physically only a few weeks each year. We talk daily, phone, text, and E-Mail. I have taken over as her supporter, and father to her children. Although she is presently preparing to come to the states, it would not matter if I finally moved there. She would never do anything to hurt me…nor I her. I tell you this, because NEVER have I been able to invest this level of trust with an American woman. Look….I’m a SEAMAN for gosh sakes, and since becoming involved with her, I never am even tempted to cheat. Marriage or not…somehow, someway…even over expanses of time and miles…she found a way to turn me into a good, and caring, and responsible husband. What kind of magic is this? I don’t know….I don’t care. She is tough, but fragile…silly but wise…passionate but reserved….thrifty but not cheap. A great mother, great friend. She will give sound advice, but only when asked. She is never in charge…but always the boss. She is an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, followed by a question mark. Interestingly enough, she is not unique to Siberia.
…..Just My Two Cents
November 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Hello — Love the site (though I see it has not been updated in a while ;-)).
I’m going to Odessa at the end of this month, and could possibly send you some text and photos as a “field report” in early December, which you could then publish on your site, if you are interested.
I would need an email address.
Please let me know, and please keep up the great work!
Best regards,
Bruce
February 27, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hi,
I am courting a woman from Russia. Or, maybe it is she that is courting me. We getting to the point of meeting. I suggested that we meet somewhere in Europe. She wants to come all the way to the US. Denver to be specific. Should I see this as a warning sign? She has been to a bank for credit and has a friend in Czechoslovakia that is willing to help fund the trip. Should I be concerned or am I just being paranoid.
March 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Well, don’t you want to meet her? Where do you see this relationship going?
March 4, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I would really love to meet this woman. Whom, by the way, I believe I have come to know reasonably well. We would both like to move to a more. serious/permanent relationship.
March 4, 2010 at 3:52 am
Michael,
How much of this are you being expected to pay for? Also, is she asking you to send the money (to help pay for her visit) to her before she comes over her?
These are definite warning signs. In fact they are HUGE RED FLAGS to a very common “love” scam.
If you go there to meet her, do your homework and be safe. If she doesn’t want you to come there to meet her, it is probably about money and you are likely to lose it very fast.
How long have you been writing to her? How often? Does she have free access to the internet or has she suggested that it is expensive to see if you would offer to help out with the cost?
First rule; NEVER send money. Doesn’t matter if she sends you a picture of her travel documents or any other “proof” that she’s coming.
Second rule; NEVER FORGET THE FIRST RULE.
Always think the worst while hoping for the best. I have not been cheated out of a dime but there have been several attempts. You are dealing with a shark infested sea when trying to find romance over seas. If you aren’t going there to scout it out, you will probably be stung more than once before you figure out that it is a multi-billion dollar scam. There is a huge organized crime system in place throughout the FSU and this sort of thing is one of their best cash cows.
Be paranoid. It is a natural defense mechanism.
March 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm
A little paranoia is healthy but in this case Michael isn’t saying that the girl is asking HIM for money. It sounds as though she’s putting the money together herself and just wants to come see him.
Honestly though if you’re interested in Russian culture there are plenty of russian women already here in the states available for dating. You might want to consider dating a russian girl who already understands what it is to live in the states before you go dragging one here from across the world. Just a thought…
March 4, 2010 at 6:09 pm
She has not even hinted to me about sending money. We have been corresponding for three months. She is working on the visa, passport and tickets to travel to the US. I have offered to cover at least half of her expenses. She hasn’t taken me up on the offer and is still proceeding with all of the documentation. I have read so much about the scams, that I may be letting it cloud my reasoning. I would hate to see a wonderful, new relaltionship vanish because of a little paranoia.
My heart says that she is 100% genuine and sincere. Maybe I should follow my heart.
Thanks for your comments/suggestions. Hopefully, a long and loving relationship will come out of this.
Mike
March 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm
My lady friend has not yet asked me for penny. We have been corresponding for three months.
As I stated previously, we are at the point of wanting to meet.
She has taken the reins: the visa, the passport, the airline tickets to Denver. A daunting logistical, and expensive undertaking. And yet, she has not asked for any financial assistance from me. Although, I have offered to cover at least half of the expenses. She has yet to accept my offer.
Sometimes, I guess, we have to follow our hearts. My heart tells me that my girlfriend is 100% sincere. She is looking for a loving, trusting, life- long relationship. Which, I feel, I am able to give to her.
Only time will tell, at this point. I am hoping for the best, for the both of us.
Thank you all for your comments/suggestions.
Mike
March 4, 2010 at 6:31 pm
This wonderful, young woman and I have been corrsponding for three months. We write almost daily. She uses an internet cafe.
Yes, as I stated previously. We are at the “gotta” meet stage. She has taken the reins., and is getting the visa, passport, airline tickets arranged, a daunting task, not to mention expensive. She has not once even hinted to my “helping” out with this. At least financially. I have offered to cover at least half of the expenses. She has not taken me up on that offer, and is still proceeding with arrangements for a trip to the States.
Can’t say the “L” word. But, I do know that I should probably follow my heart in this. My heart says that she is 100% sincere and is looking for a loving and nurturing relationship. And, is willing to travel half way around the world to find it.
I will follow suit. Here’s hoping that a wonderful, loving, joyous new relationship will blossom in Western Colorado.
Thanks for all of you comments/suggestions/criticisms.
Mike
March 4, 2010 at 9:27 pm
I have had many emails from girls from the FSU and i have been quite careful I even have a profile on a bonafied russian dating site and get lots of intrest. That is to say i am looking at this very seriously in finding a partner. Now i am receiving lots of emails from FSU girls who send invitation emails through english websites and to be honest i have replied to all and they are absolutely stunning girls. They use a translator service to help with their correspodance which helps where as previously i think others used pre-formatted letter replies which did not bear any resemblance to the content of my emails so this is a change. I think to myself that these stunning girls want to look elsewhere for a partner, and i know that i may be a catch but not a sucker i must point out cannot find a FSU man so why is that. I am a good looking guy in the eyes of some, young looking, very intelligent with good skills and qualifiactions due to very hard work and experienced in life and life skilss plus other attributes so this may be good reading for those FSU girls. I am always open to good advice from all quarters because maybe there is something i am missing.
PS: Money has not been sent in fact one girl wants to visit me here in England so i will monitor that with intrest, so i am aware of potential requests coming my way.
March 4, 2010 at 9:58 pm
It seems like a scam to me. She is getting you emotionally involved deeper. Now she gets all these loans and doesn’t ask for help, then she will need to pay them back (with what?)- right, she will need your help and will make you feel terrible if you wouldn’t help her. Result – emotional black-mail, because she did it for you and now you get her into this money mess. Bla, bla,bla. You sign the check. If you meant to be together, come and see her in Russia, where she lives. She can always come to US later.
And I agree with JC that there are plenty of Russian women in US. I’m one of them, if you live in NY, Chicago, Phoenix, any big city – you have better chances to meet Russians.
March 5, 2010 at 2:40 am
Much of what you said has been tumbling around in my head, from the the start. Yes, I have probably been letting the emotional aspect cloud my reason. She only makes 8,000 roubles/month!! Not really enough to finance a trip to the States. But, much of the information that we have shared has/had convinced me that she is legit.
One thing that does bother me: She will not give me a phone number to reach her at. She says she will call me, But, has yet to do so. Second: She is beautiful, and all of the photos she has sent seem to be professionally done. Not the candid,everyday photos that you would expect.
As much as this realization is hurting. And maybe even the possible hurt feelings for both of us, I will probably have to sever this relationhip. Just need to determine the best way to do so.
Thank you for your input.
March 6, 2010 at 12:03 am
Watch your pocket book but have fun. At the same time there are many russians in Denver. I live in denver, I lived with a russian woman I met in denver, and I have several fsu friends I see regularly. There are like 70,000 russian speakers in denver metro.
The Mirage is a russian nightclub on parker road you might enjoy. There are always parties and it’s a window into russian life. You’ll also find russian girls where there’s dancing (they love to dance much more than the average american).
And on another note.. are you studying russian language? Meetup.com has several language groups for russian. Check it out.
Udachi!
March 7, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Does this make sense, anyone?
I get alot of emails from women from the the former USSR who want me to email them to thier private email address after they contacted me throught a british dating website. So i have played along to reveal more of the skullduggery at work. Translator services and of course they want you to use western union or similar if you want to remain in contact with that lady.I was thinking of sending £1.00, thats right just a meagre £1.00 and give the translator agent the money order number. It just would be nice to be a fly on the wall to see the reaction from the receipient. Now this is the part i dont get. A correspondance channel has developed and emails are exchanged as well as photos and there is not a bombshell delivered, but on this occassion they go to the length of putting time and energy into developing this contact and then notify that they cannot write anymore and then some lane excuse pops up. What in the name of god is that hoping to achieve, i mean not even a scam of any description of which i was expecting. Who’s in the know out there as this type of behaviour leaves me flummockest.
March 8, 2010 at 5:16 am
miclemc47,
From all that I have read and seen personally, the basic contact always starts about the same. Casual contact, private email addresses, some reasons for ending contact and then (hook) the hope that we will start chasing them so that they can play on our weakness or emotions or whatever.
Having watched this whole thing play out in the lives of men I knew well, I was motivated to follow the same course, wondering what the hell kind of scam seemed so meager. Well, from what I can track down the percentage of acceptance on our side can be minimal, which is to be expected since the scams are so pitifully weak, but when they actually set the hook in some of these guys, thousands of dollars can change hands. One that I read about in Texas, the man had sent nearly $40 thousand before finally figuring out that there was never going to be a relationship of any kind. Like you, I find it hard to imagine anyone falling for these things because they are all so much alike that you know by the first line of their first letter that it is all b.s.
How many times have you heard about the US born hottie who’s parents moved to Europe or Africa, one or both parents are now dead and the girl needs money to get back to the states to reconnect with relatives? I’ve had over a hundred guys send me that tale and I even got 3 or 4 of them myself when I tried listing my name on an overseas based dating site. Another tell for these crooks is the one where your new lady friend has borrowed money for her travel documents and needs part of the air fare from you to come and visit your country. They will even usually send you a photo of the travel visa and maybe even a picture of her holding it in front of an embassy. Even an expert in foreign documents won’t be able to tell if the document is authentic from a lousy photo email, so how would any of us know an obvious forgery?
Never send money. Never. If they can travel to a European destination for holiday, meet them there, or go to their country if you feel that you have the where-with-all to make that trip. Never pay for part of the trip before she gets here. Unless you are meeting her at your local airport and then after her visit here at home you want to chip in on the cost of her coming to see you, otherwise you are probably sending money to someone that is not coming.
Remember, in this era of internet fraud and especially this whole NA man wanting to hook up with beautiful, young Euro gal portion . . . we are the potential marks, not the high possibility life mates.
If any of us wants to seriously search that region of the world for true love, the only realistic plan is to set up a 3 or 4 week vacation to the part of the world you are interested in and then go there, meet some people and check it out. As for any of us that think this fairy tale is going to come true over night via a totally chance, casual online meeting, try to remember the old story about a man cursing his fireplace for not giving him heat while he refused to first build a fire in it. The effort must always precede the reward.
March 8, 2010 at 8:52 am
Didn’t I tell you that story about the fireplace, Richard? haha
Anyways, been visiting with a girl on ICQ lately.She claims she grew up in a village, and didn’t want to live in the city, etc. She and I talk each weekend. She doesn’t have internet where she lives during the week while going to uni.
Anyways, she wants to visit Canada, and possibly see me while she’s here. She woudl like to work here for a year or 2, and would like to see it before she decides for sure.
Her requests for me have been minimal. Help with her English grammar (which, btw, is really good), and if she decides to move here, help finding a place to live and a job. She asked when she visits the first time if I would show her around the family farm, and maybe take her for a day on a tractor, and she’d like to go riding horses. Horses aren’t an issue. I have one, and can borrow a second on a moment’s notice if needed…
She said her motive for wanting to come to Canada was to build a nest egg for her future, and to improver her english in a way that she could not in a country where she woudln’t be forced to speak english all the time….
I think I’d like to help this girl. But I won’t give her money…
March 9, 2010 at 9:41 am
So much of what I have been reading fits my story.
My Russian sweetheart was abandoned as an infant and was raised in a childrens home.
We “met” very briefly at Mate1.com. Which in my opinion is a total scam. Caught that one right away. Then, I recieved an email from my girl with her personal email. I did ask her if she was an online ambassador for Mate1.com. She played “stupid” like she didn’t know what I was asking.
I had sent her a gift, via Amazon.com, to the address that she provided me with. Today, I received a notice from Amazon, that the package was undeliverable. Which is ok, I get a full refund. I was not surprised at all by this.
One thing good that has come from this, is that I am now learning the Russian language. You know, maybe for a future, “real” relationship with a Russian woman. One that I meet here in the States. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. LOL
April 18, 2010 at 11:32 am
What is the best way to meet a Russian lady other than through a marriage agency or dating website?
I am an American and have used a marriage agency in the past. I paid thousands of dollars to participate in a group tour but did not find a Russian bride. I know that there are a lot of genuine Russian women who would like to marry an American but also would like to avoid using an agency because of the negative connotation it has in thier country. I feel that the majority of American men are not successful in finding a Russian wife through an agency. Of those men who have been successful are the most vocal since they have a good reason to be.
April 21, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Ryan,
Why don’t you try going to places that are frequented by Russians here in the states or join an online dating site and have Russian speaking as one of your specifications?
If you particularly love Russian culture there are lots of Russians already here in the states. Those girls will be your best bet for finding and keeping a real relationship as they already have support networks here, already have a better grip on our cultural differences, and are much more likely to be looking fir a real relationship instead of a meal ticket or greencard.
May 27, 2010 at 10:58 am
Hi there..
I myself have tried several russian dating agencies and found one that was a little exspensive to use but I have had my fair share of scammers. I believe if you want something for real you have to pay a fair price for it. It took me some time to actually warm up to a lady (age 37) that seamed to interest my soul. The main reason to my post is that I have communicated with her for approximately 15 months via mostly agency mail, personal emails, photo’s, txt msgs and few phone calls followed later by a few video skype calls. Through our communication we built a very strong foundation to a relationship. I stated from the beginning I was a 45 year old man that was not out to play games and was very serious about finding an international lady of my dreams. I concreted that thought with actions, and have made the journey here to the city of Mariupol Ukraine to meet her. So far she has been so helpful and committed to doing her best for me. I have an issue that I can not put my finger on… Together in our letters we stated about the romance we shall share together.. (I may be jumping the gun here as we have only seen each other for just over a week in between her work/family commitments)I was wondering if she is conditioning me to some of her cultural standards and playing the hard to get courting procedure regardless of our romantic corrospondence. I am a very romantic and thoughtful male and I asure you I respect her and definately play the prince charming persona.I am a little out of place here to be my best but try hard to brighten her life. I am very ofay with body language and get mixed signs from her.. I find this a little frustrating towards what is my next move. Is this because she is a little shy or unsure, or possibly giving more time to our meeting before any serious romance begins. I do noice that each day we meet I do get closer to her and she shows more affection in her own way but there is still that hand brake that jumps in for some reason. I may be reading the signs wrong and wanting too much to soon, but after 15 months of corrospondence I thought there would be a more fast track to the process. If you have any comments I would like to here, especially about how russian women “tick”…
May 27, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Leonard.. take the time to read though my entire blog.
I’m under the impression that you are committing the biggest “sin” that I know of when communicating with a Russian Woman that you haven’t met or have barely been with in person.
You probably fell in love with the fantasy that the letter’s represent and not with the reality of what you two are like together physically.
I don’t care how long you’ve written to each other.. All the emails, voice conversations and letters in the world only account for less then 20% of a courtship. The other 80% is all about understanding, warmth and chemistry that can only be evaluated with quality time spent together.
Don’t fall in love with emails or pictures my friend. Only fall in love (or don’t) with the real person you are seeing in the flesh before your own eyes.
If this “relationship” is not happening for you then be prepared to cut your loses and move on… but hopefully a little bit wiser and smarter this time around..
May 27, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I was listening to my daughter and two of her friends talking about boys yesterday. (which is frightening enough all by itself) My daughter had said that when she starts dating she “wouldn’t go out with a boy that didn’t talk nice and opens doors for her, and stuff like that”. One of the other girls agreed, adding that a boy “shouldn’t always talk about sports and boy things” when they are with a girl. Then the third girl said, “I don’t care what he says as long as he has money”.
There is the future, my friends. Three girl friends in the same age group, from the same area, going to the same school and three clearly different views of what ‘dating’ should look like. These girls are only 10 years old and it is a bit unsettling that even one of them has already decided that being treated disrespectfully is fine as long as the guy doing it has plenty of cash. If this little microcosm were a mathematical study then a boy in our region has a 1 in 3 chance of being taken to the cleaners by any girl he meets from the time he starts dating. I can’t help but wonder how quickly these boys will become angry and jaded to true romance and what their expectations might look like by the time they are old enough to start a family.
July 15, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Great Blog… I surf it religiously…